Thursday, May 20, 2010

I can see clearly now...

Could someone please tell me--because this is the burning question of the week--do ALL 10-year old boys get hit in the face on a daily basis or is it just my son? It's like he has a juicy red target painted right on his nose, saying "please, please chuck something my way, really hard!" You name it, he's taken it right in the schnoz: elbows, basketballs, our 130-pound neighbor (yes, the whole kid landed on Derek's head; don't ask me how). And what, incidentally, does Derek wear across the middle of his face? That's right: glasses. And what happens when aforementioned rigid body part or flying projectile meets delicate spectacles? Oh, a lovely variety of things. Nosepieces pop off and become lost in the grass. Earpieces get bent outward at funny angles, making it impossible to secure them to the head. Whatever the damage, it results in Mom glaring at Derek, heaving a heavy, long-suffering sigh, and carting him to the Eyeglass Emporium to get them patched up...again. (oh, and in the car he is treated to the "your glasses cost $400 and you need to be careful with them!" speech...again.)

But today was a whole new disaster. When I walked into Derek's 4th-grade classroom to volunteer, his teacher greeted me with a sympathetic look rather than her usual beaming smile.  I knew it was going to be something BAD. I glanced over toward Derek's desk, where he was sitting, flushed pink from recess...with a suspiciously naked face and an exceedingly sad, guilty expression. By way of explanation, his teacher then proceeded to hand me a lens...and an earpiece...and the rest of his mangled pair of glasses. She gently, quietly (unnecessarily) added "we had a little accident." (I realize now that she was using  that soothing, calming tone professionals employ when they're talking someone down from a ledge...or convincing them not to throttle their son in front of his classmates.) "Six...months," I managed to spit out in a strangled voice, "that's how long he's had this pair."*

So now, we will attempt to find a Miracle Worker who can--what? hammer? weld? hot glue?--these pathetic frames back together. I should mention that Derek's face survived the collision just fine, aside from a small scratch, so that's a good thing. And the next set of glasses we buy for him will be made out of Kryptonite, even if I have to buy it from NASA myself...

*and the reason this pair was purchased in the first place? Riley sat on the last pair...aargh!

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