Sunday, December 31, 2017

December 2017 Maryland-palooza: the Frost Awakens

Team WestEnders kicked off our Winter expedition to the motherland on Wednesday evening, with Derek behind the wheel for his customary first shift of the journey. We left behind a rather balmy...ish...December day, with the mercury having climbed to a peak of 46 in Chapel Hill during the afternoon. By the time we stopped for our first driver switch and refreshment/facilities break in Virginia, however, we definitely noticed a downward trend on ye olde thermometer. In fact, I believe my quote was a startled and somewhat disgruntled, "It's 20...fun-lovin' degrees out here, guys!"

And when we arrived at our second and final pause, it had bottomed out...at 16. So let's try to rationalize this: we drive 300 miles north...and lose THIRTY DEGREES? Now, I don't know what kind of crazy newfangled math this is supposed to be, but I can tell you unequivocally that I. Don't Like It. (Meanwhile, the polar bear half of my family--you know, we call them "sons"--was unsympathetic to my shivering. Derek's response was a scoffing, "It's not even that bad!" And Riley shrugged and commented philosophically, "Eh, it's the North!" Thanks, guys...you're both grounded, by the way...)

Anyway, we reached our destination safely, and settled in to enjoy our stay. Thursday's entire agenda can be summed up as "Hangin' with the H-clan",  since we designated the time to spend with our hosts. The morning began with the earlier risers of the bunch--their teenage son...and me--in the living room watching a Netflix show called Ultimate Beastmaster, which he'd turned on when he woke up. The best way I can describe it is that it's kind of like a pumped-up version of American Ninja Warrior, with a competition involving a super-risky and nearly impossible obstacle course that the participants try to complete, for points (and the cash prize, naturally).

Why am I even mentioning this, you might be wondering? Because one-by-one, as each member of the household emerged from slumber and congregated in the kitchen, we all got totally sucked into this program. Eventually we noticed that the one who'd started us down this path had actually LEFT, and yet the rest of us were still mesmerized by the televised stunts...that is, until Mrs. H suddenly exclaimed, "So, what are we DOING today? and reminded us that we should come up with other activities in lieu of binge-watching a marathon of this silly stuff for hours on end.

So, the adolescent male gang made their bi-annual pilgrimage to...the local Safeway supermarket. On this outing, their purchases consisted of: a bag of donuts, a box of chocolate croissants, and a ginormous deli sub that the 3 of them planned to share for lunch. This isn't counting the package of mini-donuts, tube of Mentos, and OTHER sandwiches they consumed after paying for them, but before leaving the store. Hey, at least it...keeps them off the street? Yeeeaaah, we'll go with that...

Afterwards, despite the icy wind and sub-zero temps, they played outside on and off all afternoon--with my children even going so far as to commit to long pants, hats, and gloves, so you KNOW it was "chilly". But really, I have no room to talk, since I bundled up, myself, to take a walk in spite of the uncomfortable conditions. I might not have been able to feel my toes...face...or legs...when I was finished, but I got my steps for the day, doggone it! (And hot tea...LOTS of that...) Finally, we rewarded ourselves for our--I don't know...hardiness?--with a delectable meal at a local joint called BJ's Roadhouse, where we packed on the calories in preparation for hibernation. (Wait, whattya mean HUMANS don't do that? Are you sure? 'Cuz it feels like the best thing to do right about now...)

Next up, we had our Friday sojourn to the former hometown...with a bit of logistical finagling to arrange first. You see, I had coffee and lunch dates scheduled with friends, and Derek was meeting a couple of buddies for an afternoon of shenanigans...none of which involved either Husband or Riley. So in consultation with Mr. and Mrs. H, it was decided that I (as the only one who is capable of handling a manual transmission--Yay, me!) would borrow their Jeep to transport the first shift, while the latecomers would travel in Husband's vehicle, and join us for dinner.

Thus Derek and I set off, with me piloting a 6-speed (for the first time)...off-road tank-type-thing (much bigger than my Subaru)--such that Derek looked down and remarked, "Jeez, the cars look so little next to us!" It was, in short, an adventure in all kinds of ways. But we prevailed through the challenge (of sorts), and eventually pulled into Olney, ready to proceed with the packed social calendar: java (with a neighborhood pal), noon nosh (with college besties), and finally, the traditional gathering at CalTort, our favorite in-town eatery, with soccer fams. Since I actually had a bit of time to kill in-between engagements, I also drove to a nearby lake for what had to be one of the fastest hikes I've ever taken--if you need any explanation why, just picture the fact that both the water, and I, were partially frozen from our exposure to the surrounding air, and that should clear it up.

It was an extremely busy, somewhat exhausting, but utterly delightful kickoff to our Maryland Madness Tour, the Holiday Edition. More celebration to come...keeping my fingers crossed it gets a teensy bit warmer? (Or stocking up on cocoa, one or the other!) Stay tuned...

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Yule time, 2017

Christmas in the WestEnders household got underway at the crack of dawn...er "10 a.m."...with everyone gathered around the tree, ready to reveal their surprises.

For Derek, this meant the long-awaited FIFA 18 video game (you know, the one I forbade him from buying until he finished all of his college apps...at which point it was too close to the holiday to allow him to purchase it anyway? Yeah, that one...) His grin lit up the room as he declared, "Well, you know where I'll be for the next...12 hours!" He was exaggerating, of course, but later in the day, he seemed to be having a blast exploring some of the updated features of his game--and reporting them to us. For example, in the course of his first virtual season he "fired his manager", "received a bogus offer to play for Real Madrid, which was actually a scam", "found out he had a half-sister who plays for the U.S. Women's National Team", and "left his club to go to the MLS". He summed it up thusly: "It was an emotional afternoon for me!" with a wry shake of his head.

Tangential bit of hilarity: at one point Husband wandered through the room to watch for a few minutes, and when he emerged, he made a comment that I heard as: "Derek's very excited about the nude celebrations in this edition!" I'm sorry, WHAT was that? Derek clarified, "No, no, there are totally clothed, NEW celebrations." (Whew, that makes much more sense...)

Riley, on the other hand, received items related to ACTUAL soccer, such as a new ball. (So that he has an old one for the back yard, where there are rocks and sticks that sometimes cause damage, and a slightly better one to take to the Middle School field--but not TOO nice, because it's often wet and muddy there-- and finally, one that's in perfect condition, for official practices. Got all that? Pfft...boys...) One thing he didn't ask for, but I had a brilliant brainstorm and got him anyway, was a small indoor goal for our Bonus Room, where he and Derek--and whoever else happens to be visiting at any given moment--frequently kick a foam ball around. Now at least they have something to AIM for, besides the wall. I must have been on the right track, because after trying it out for a while, Riley declared that it contributed to this being "one of the Best. Christmases. EVER." (Yaaayy!)

Meanwhile, Husband, besides the aforementioned grill lighting device, was given stainless steel, insulated coffee mugs...because apparently, his morning java cools off too quickly when he takes it into his office to sip while working...and it was just wrecking his routine to have to stop what he's doing, get up, walk into the kitchen, and re-microwave it repeatedly. (Hey, whatever...steams your cuppa joe, dude....) Also, the requisite jumbo bag o'snacks that the boys and I always hand-pick from a local specialty shop--Old Bay spiced peanuts, onion flavored potato chips, sourdough pretzel bites, Doc Brown's Cherry soda...a plethora of quality junk food, in other words.

Then in the afternoon, we'd scheduled a family outing to see the latest Star Wars flick. We had a slew of logistical difficulties when trying to figure out when the heck we were going to squeeze this in, with the limited time available to us, Derek already having seen it, and Riley firmly announcing that he didn't want to go without his brother. But then we realized we hadn't considered Christmas day, causing Derek to note, "Well, Jewish people go to the movies on Christmas, right?" (Yep--and a whole lotta others as well, if the crowds were any indication--it turned out to be a popular choice for December 25th!)

On the way there, Husband, who had missed the previous installment, asked for a plot synopsis. Derek gamely attempted to summarize both the storyline and the major characters, but given the complexity of the material, he warned, "Just listen; don't ask any questions." And Husband managed to contain himself for approximately 2 sentences, before interrupting and demanding clarification or more details on this point or the other. Eventually Derek gave up in exasperation and said,  "You know what? Lots of explosions, lightsabers, good guy vs. bad guys, that's all you need to know!" (Seriously, he should have taken the high-tech route, and IMDBd it before we left, yeah? Amateur...)

To round out our excursion, since we'd left the theater just as the sun was setting, we did end up taking a circuitous route home, so we could get our fill of ogling other people's outdoor decorations. From the classy and understated, to the over-the-top electrical extravaganzas, we enjoyed viewing...and critiquing...the whole gamut. And with that, Christmas 2017 came to an end. It was a day chock-full of family and fun--so the best kind, really. And now, to all a good night!

Monday, December 25, 2017

Pre-Navidad, 2017

Whether we were ready or not, Christmas Eve arrived--and with it, one tradition that the boys and I keep: attending church together. This year, since the 24th actually fell on a Sunday, I gave them a choice of which service they'd prefer...and they surprised me by selecting our regular 11:15 slot, rather than the evening option. I didn't ask why, but I inferred that they liked the idea of having the rest of the day free for...I don't know, "boy shenanigans"....and whatnot. It also amused me that Derek asked, "Should we dress a little more formally for Christmas Eve?" I hadn't even considered that, but I agreed it seemed like a solid plan.

However, I totally forgot to follow up on it, which is why we set out for the whole "celebrating the birth of Jesus" event with Derek clad in one of his trademark clashing ensembles, consisting of green/grey athletic shorts, paired with a screaming crimson USCB Sand Sharks tee, all covered by a University of South Carolina hoodie. Sigh...at least the other one took the initiative to don his nice charcoal semi-fancy shorts...and Penn State shirt. But hey, I'm firmly of the opinion that God doesn't care how we look...just that we're present, and participating!

Although...I should probably add "and also paying attention", because when it came time for the closing song, which is always a candlelit Silent Night, the pastor gave specific instructions, "The candles that are already burning stay upright, while the next person in the row touches their unlit wick to the flame, and so on." Sounds extraordinarily efficient, safe, and simple, yeah? So what does Derek do? Immediately tilts his fiery, dripping candle over towards Riley, completely contrary to directions. (I swear, you really can't take them ANYWHERE...)

Anyway, it's fortunate that we get to hear some quality Christmas music sung and played by the very talented praise band at our church, because we've reached that point in the season when I've officially turned the corner on the radio's rotation of holiday tunes, and now turn them off as frequently as I actually listen to and enjoy them. Case in point: I've been heard lately to yell, "Aaarrrgh! Feliz Navi-DON'T!" as I punch the button to change the station. Or to I argue with my empty car, "Seriously, who decided that just because of the title, Last Christmas should be played at this time of year. Over. And. Over? And to the artists who keep remaking it? STOP, okay? (For the love of all things holy...)

So in my defiance, I'd been playing a Tchaikovsky CD while driving, instead...and when I turned it on after church, Riley facetiously commented, "Ooh, I love this song!" I scoffed in reply, "Do you even know what it IS?" This was mostly rhetorical, but he answered anyway, in an extremely uncertain tone "Um...the 1812 Overture!" I was about to concede that it was, in fact, a nice try, when Derek decided to take a stab in the dark and exclaimed, "No...it's The Nutcracker!"

Wow...well done! However, I decided to press my luck by asking, "Okay...which part?" With mock outrage, Derek sputtered, "Whattya mean? It's all just...The Nutcracker!" Unwilling go let him off the hook so easily, I prompted, "The most famous part of the whole composition....?" After a looooong pause, Derek responded, questioningly, "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies?" Ding ding ding! Before I could be proud of his...minuscule knowledge of classical composers, Derek continued, "Yeah, about that...can someone explain to me why there are fairies in this thing?"

So I gamely began attempting to describe the plot...but quickly realized that--even having seen the stage version in person--somehow I don't really seem to have a grasp of the story. "Well, there's this girl, and...lots of dancing...and...I think the whole thing's a dream...maybe?" Derek interrupted, "Hold on--is the villain...a mouse?" I was relieved that he remembered that salient point, "YES! That's right, there are overgrown rodents...with swords, and they battle the Nutcracker, and...oh, I don't really know. But there's glorious music, and majestic ballet dancing."  'Nuff said, right? (In retrospect, it wasn't a terribly productive conversation, but it wasn't a lengthy trip, either, so it got us home...without having to suffer through any choral travesties sung by Chipmunks...)

Later in the evening, for a heartwarming family bonding experience, I proposed taking a jaunt around the Chapel Hill/Carrboro neighborhoods to admire all of the houses adorned for the merry December festivals 'o everything. This was vetoed by the oldest teenager, however, who for some reason protested leaving the house. Instead, he backed the alternative agenda: lounging on the couch and watching a classic DVD from our collection (on second thought, it's pretty clear why he'd vote for this no-energy-required activity). Derek even picked the show: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Alrighty, then, let's fire up the electronic device that we turn on exactly once a year! But first....let's try to remember which "input" we need to set for the TV. And change the batteries in the remote, since they're apparently no longer functioning. Okay! We're ready! Bring on the beloved childhood entertainment! Aaaannnnd the program did start...in SPANISH. What. The. WHAT?

Try as we might, we were utterly unable to make it switch back to our mother tongue...and while we found it somewhat funny-yet-exasperating to listen to the Burl Ives snowman narrate in rapid-fire Espanol, we agreed that the limited appeal was going to wear off for us in about 5 minutes. Therefore we eventually gave up, and moved on to the Backup Plan: A Muppet Family Christmas (which is secretly MY all-time fave, so...WIN! But I promise I didn't intentionally hijack the ridiculous DVD player! We're just keeping our fingers crossed that the rebellious reindeer behaves, the next time we try...)

Afterwards, chock full of the holiday spirit, or what have you, we attempted to convince Riley that there was still time to fit in the illuminated tour of the surrounding towns, but his instant, emphatic response was "Dude, I'm knackered!" Yep, too much British soccer--sorry, "football"--viewing, wouldn't you agree? (I suppose he's good for now, but if he starts referring to us as "blokes", I'll have to think about shutting it down...)

Finally, there was only one more thing to do before our "long Winter's nap"...of course, I'm talking about the charming process of "negotiating a wake-up-and-open-gifts" time. Now, when the boys were little, this involved stern warnings to NOT bother Mom and Dad before, say, 7 a.m. But these days it's more along the lines of "Derek, we WILL be dragging you out of your warm, cozy bed, the only question is "how early"?

Just to see what his reaction would be--and to crack myself up, I'm not gonna lie--I informed him that 8:00 sounded about right. He gaped at me, horrified and praying he'd heard me wrong. "What? WHY?" He couldn't imagine what was so important that we had to disturb his precious adolescent slumber: "C'mon, Dad asked for grill matches! And what did Riley even want, again?" His brother brightly interjected, "Well, I did tell Mom I needed a new foot-scrubber-thingie, since she threw mine out. I really hope there's one under the tree!" Not to be left out of the super-fun "torture Derek" moment, Husband tacked on, "Just think, Riley, maybe she got you a really special one, that hangs up in the shower, and everything!" Derek's threw up his hands in truly melodramatic fashion and barked, "Let me get this straight, you people are really gonna get me up early...for a loofah on a hook?"

Whew, that was a delightful interlude, I tell ya. Nothing quite says Christmas like giving the kids a hard time, amiright? This went on for a few more minutes, but after I'd gotten him to agree to a firm 9:15, I relented and assured him he could take his time and emerge from his hibernation at the customarily accepted 10:00. After all, this would afford me plenty of quiet time in the morning to sip my coffee while kicking back in front of ye olde tannenbaum with some carols...or maybe even give one more shot at sorting out our little scarlet-schnoz latino friend...Rudolpho. Peace out, and ho ho ho, y'all!

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

'Twas the week before Christmas (Already? Aaaarrrrghhhh!)

Hey, here's a question for you: does anyone else feel like they're careening through December like a...runaway Polar Express? I mean, it seems like I JUST gussied up the old homestead, like YESTERDAY, and suddenly it's less than a week 'til Christmas. Holy calendar crunch, Batman, how did that happen?

Well, at least there's lots of fun and festivities you can count on at this time of year to keep your spirit bright and your mood jolly. Like...finding the perfect present for your loved ones? Oh, wait...it was like pulling teeth to get ANY of the Male Trio to commit to asking for anything this year....so never mind about that. (Don't get me wrong, there are definite pluses to this, of course, the most obvious being 1) money saved and 2) shopping mall chaos avoided. So let's hear it for "Amazon.com in my pjs" All. Day. Long.) Also, I suppose I shouldn't reeeaaally give the guys a hard time, since it was difficult for ME to figure out a Wish List as well.

You see, I used to be completely off the hook, until the children reached an age when they have some of their own money to spend, and started wanting to be part of the gifting...which is lovely and heartwarming and all of that, no doubt...but does cause something of a dilemma. You know, because it's not reasonable to suggest what I truly desire....for instance, a trip to Europe. And it's impossible to provide what would be most helpful...such as a winning lottery ticket. Clearly, this is a problem...

Anyway, after wracking my brains, I finally did come up with an idea. However, when I attempted to describe the very simple object--a belt one wears while running, which securely holds keys and other necessary items--I only managed to get about 5 words in before Husband loudly interrupted, with an innocent expression and far too much enthusiasm, "OH! You mean a FANNY PACK!" Um...how shall I put this delicately...."NOOOOOO, that's not even close...since the last time I checked, it wasn't the 1990s anymore." I've gotta tell ya, I was not overcome with confidence in the abilities of my own personal Elf Squad, especially when--while I was still in the room, mind you, Husband lowered his voice ever-so-slightly and commented in a pseudo-aside to the kids, "Ha! What're the odds that we don't totally screw this up?" (Yeah...I'm thinking that the morning of the 25th could be...interesting...)

While we're on the subject, Husband wasn't any better, himself: the only item he initially mentioned was...extra-long matches, to light the grill. You see what I'm working with? It's not easy being the resident Mrs. Clause, my friends. (In case you're wondering, yes, the boys and I did fulfill his request...but we opted for a refillable lighter with an extended, skinny handle, made specifically for just such...meat-charring activities. I'm absolutely certain that he'll love it...his $4 treasure...)

And then there's our annual Holiday Open House. That's always a good one--gathering friends and family to chat, catch up on the latest haps, and congregate around a table filled with party snacks. However, this year I went a little overboard on the sweets end of the spectrum and ended up with LOTS of leftover treats. Therefore I sternly instructed the boys on Sunday night to "pack cookies to carry to school with you, and pass them out to your friends at lunchtime!" Riley took me so seriously that he even asked, "How many can I bring?" (My answer was something along the lines of "as many as you can carry...every day....until they're gone." And thank you, my Sugarplum Fairy...)

Unfortunately, Derek hasn't been able to participate in Operation...Dessert Distribution...because he evidently has been infected with some sort of...I don't know, plague-type deal. (And to his pal who kicked off this whole thing, and thus shall be called Patient Zero...you know who you are...thanks a bunch for sharing, buddy! No, no, I'm kidding--you all walk around in a veritable High School petri dish every day, and you're lucky to escape relatively unscathed most of the time. Oh, and...get well soon!) Anyway, Derek's hacking cough began over the weekend, prompting me by Sunday night to decree that he would not, in fact, be attending school the next day. (How sick did he feel? He wasn't even able to muster the tiniest spark of excitement about missing classes--he simply looked up blearily from where he was curled into a ball on the couch, half-watching SportsCenter, groaned, and mumbled in agreement. Now that's a pathetic picture yeah?)

When the coughing continued unabated on Monday, he was awarded a second day off...complete with a bonus doctor visit to check if it was anything that required a prescription. NOT a traditional part of the season--thank goodness--but these things happen. Now the rest of Team WestEnders is doing everything in our power to remain virus-free...fingers and toes crossed that the illness starts and ends with (poor) Derek!

Finally, to end on a much more positive note, my office had our annual outing--an opportunity to step away from our desks, go somewhere non-work-related, and celebrate...everything! This year we patronized the Carolina Inn (a Chapel Hill institution, located on UNC's campus) for their Royal Tea, which includes an impressive assortment of luscious finger foods and, of course, a selection of flavored brews to sip. In the ornate dining room decorated with a Twelve Days of Christmas theme, we were able to unwind, nosh, and enjoy conversations that had NOTHING to do with our jobs. (And it was late afternoon, when most of my colleagues would still have been plugging away at their computers, so it felt extra-decadent--Win!)

So that about wraps up the entertainment...and such...for this week. What? It's only TUESDAY? Jeez Louise, are you sure? Well then, I'd better get some rest, because who knows what the remainder of the pre-Noel period will bring. Hopefully fewer germs...less gooberheadedness (unlikely, but one can wistfully dream, right?)...some healthy meals to offset the inevitable candy canes...and lots more tea!

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Yo, Planet Dude--Settle Down, Will Ya?

I wouldn't consider myself a terribly superstitious person. Although I HAVE been known to "knock on wood" for luck...and if I'm describing the potential undesirable outcomes of an event, I frequently try to prevent them from happening by prefacing my comments with the disclaimer, "Now, I don't want to jinx it..." On the other hand, if a black cat crosses my path, I'm inclined to stop and pet it, rather than run in the opposite direction. Friday the 13th is just another day on the calendar. And let's face it--I've broken my share of mirrors over the years, with no noticeable ill effects. Heck, I don't even read my horoscope, or any other astrological...stuff (even though a part of me finds it absolutely fascinating--shhhh! That can just be our little secret, 'kay?).

You might be wondering where I'm going with this (which if you're being totally honest, you probably frequently do...as well you should...). Let me explain (although I'll warn you right here that it's gonna get...weird): when a character on NCIS: LA was experiencing various snafus in his personal life, he dramatically blamed it all on "Mercury being in retrograde". It was kind of hilarious at the time, BUT...shortly thereafter, it just so happened that my co-workers and I were standing around chatting, and the conversation morphed into a veritable litany of things that had been going wrong around the office in recent days. A lightbulb went off, and I shared the whole "Mercury in retrograde" theory with them. Then because I'm, you know,"me", I immediately went to my computer and looked it up. Whattya know, we were right smack in the middle of one of those phases.

Yeah, yeah--so what does this MEAN, exactly? Well, according to The Old Farmer's Almanac,

"Due to the way our own orbit interacts with those of the other planets, they might sometimes appear to be traveling backward through the night sky with respect to the zodiac. This is, in fact, an illusion, which we call apparent retrograde motion.
Several times a year, it appears as if Mercury is going backwards. These times in particular were traditionally associated with confusions, delay, and frustration.
The planet Mercury rules communication, travel, contracts, automobiles, and such. So, when Mercury is retrograde, remain flexible, allow time for extra travel, and avoid signing contracts. Review projects and plans at these times, but wait until Mercury is direct again to make any final decisions."

Whoa...if you were inclined to accept such a....celestial explanation...it wouldn't be much of a stretch to fit all of our misadventures neatly into this excuse--er "framework". Somewhat surprisingly, all of my super-scientific colleagues were ready to jump on the bandwagon right along with me. Perhaps it just felt reassuring to have some kind of reason--however flimsy--for the ever-growing pile of "things that didn't go as planned". 

Therefore I cheerfully printed out the dates that good old Mercury would be spinning out of control, as it were, so we could have a good chuckle together...and also be prepared to pin misfortune on our fiery planetary neighbor, if need be. Aaaaannnnd, you guessed it: the Big M is up to its tricks again, from December 3rd to 23rd. Just how much did we (jokingly...mostly) buy into this spiel? I'll tell ya...one of my office mates was experiencing a slew of mishaps in the week leading up to turned-around-Mercury, so together we decided it was an anticipatory period (Ha! Pun definitely intended) that shall hereafter be known as...PMR...for Pre Mercury in Retrograde. (Get it? Like PMS, but for huge, interstellar hunks of rock! Yeah, sorry about that...)

So how's it going, in this current 3-week spell of imaginary atmospheric upheaval? Ahem...let's just say that for me, personally, the manifestations seem to be centered in the realm of "technology"...which has become distinctly...uncooperative (also see "obnoxious" and "belligerent"). For example, Microsoft Office programs suddenly chose to cease operating on the household laptop. (Okay, it's coming up on 6 years old, but still, the timing was distinctly suspicious, don't you think? Just go with it...) "Fine!" I huffed, after struggling unsuccessfully for a while to resolve the issue, "I'll just use Word on MY laptop!" (With the implied, "So there, stupid machine!") And that would have been a brilliant and effective work-around...except that my computer had also evidently come to the conclusion that it wasn't interested in communicating with the wireless printer anymore, thankyouverymuch. 

Ay yi yi...I did get these two problem sorted out--by removing and reinstalling the offending software in both cases, if you're interested. (And keeping my fingers firmly crossed--ooh, there's another good one!--that they continue to grace me with obedience...at least until the new laptop I went ahead and ordered arrives...) Then I figured I'd more than earned a quiet, restful interlude. Ooh, you know what would be really nice? Curling up with a novel! Hey, I think I'll download something on my Kindle! Suuurre...if only the *&%$# thing would actually STAY ON when I press the power button. This was beginning to cross the line into "ridiculous", am I right? (Connecting the e-reader to its cord and an electrical socket seemed to reboot its brain and convince it to behave...although I confess I have no earthly idea why....)

Let's see, what's next...oh, yes: on Tuesday my cell phone refused to dial, until I finally turned it off and back on after the 4th attempt to place a call. And finally, bringing us up to date is my work-PC, which informed me with a full-screen yellow and red error message that it would NOT, in fact, be helping me to access the company's Intranet site...at all(An overly emphatic notification that frankly, just felt like the pain-in-the-butt gadget was unnecessarily rubbing it in...)

Oh. Good. Grief. At this point, I'd had E-N-O-U-G-H, and I was no longer messing around--so I went above its head immediately, and tattled to our IT department. A technician handled it in, oh, about 30 seconds...which was super-helpful, to be sure...but also completely worrisome. Because I now am forced to admit that--besides the hot-tempered heavenly body in question...or some perfectly rational explanation which we won't even deign to consider--the only thing all of these minor calamities have in common...is ME. 

Nah, we're gonna go ahead and keep maligning the stratospheric disruption of our pal Mercury...which also gives us one more excellent motivation to wait with bated breath for Christmas Eve to arrive! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll step away from the screen (thanks for functioning flawlessly tonight, BTW), go pick up a paper-and-ink book, and commence non-automated relaxation...wish me luck (Salt over the left shoulder--go!)

Friday, December 8, 2017

Holiday Hijinks

With the halls having been decked during Thanksgiving weekend, only one thing remained, to complete the festive atmosphere in Casa WestEnders: the heartwarming family bonding activity known as "assembling, illuminating, and adorning the Christmas tree". We have an artificial version (which may not fill the house with a pine-fresh aroma....but also doesn't cause me a sinus infection, so if I feel deprived, I'll just light a fir-scented candle, and enjoy it without sneezing...or antibiotics...) and I leave the unpacking and constructing phase to the Male Trio. (Not to be sexist or anything...simply because frankly...I don't waaaaaanna!)

Then Husband adds the twinkly lights--and here we hit a small snag this year. You see, I thought I remembered that one of our strands had failed to work properly last year, meaning that Husband had to st-r-e-t-ch the remaining ones to cover all of the boughs without leaving any sad, unlit spaces. So I bought another string a few days before we planned to decorate--and congratulated myself on my memory, foresight, and proactive handling of the situation, to avert a potential holiday crisis (or what have you).

However...apparently I'm not terribly...um...shall we say "observant"...since I failed to notice that all of the other LEDs currently gracing our faux evergreen are white...yet I purchased the multicolored variety. Oops! Too late to do anything about it, so I shushed the little voice in my head going, "But...but...they don't MATCH! It looks weird! Do. It. Over!!" and decided that--for 2017, anyway--we were just going to embrace a little bit of...diversity...in our yuletide decor.

Yep, it works!
Next all of the ornaments are lovingly placed on the branches by my cooperative band of seasonal assistants...hahahahaha! Let's see...Husband skedaddled after finishing his electrical contribution, since he was coming down with a migraine and needed to go close himself up in a dark, quiet room (i.e.: NOT where the elf-ish shenanigans would be continuing). Derek draped himself across a couch and lay there half-comatose, semi-watching the proceedings, yawning frequently, and occasionally mumbling something about "getting up in a second to help". Soooo, that left Riley and me to tackle the bulk of the fa la la-ing...which we managed to thoroughly enjoy, nonetheless.

And then, once all of the special baubles had been arranged to my satisfaction, we arrived at the last very important task: rounding up the resident goofballs for the annual December Photo Shoot. One never knows what to expect from this endeavor...except that it inevitably will take twice as long as I think it should...and that there will be multiple moments of unbridled silliness. But first, due to the fact that I only use the self-timer function on my camera once a year, for this moment, I always need to skim the instructions and take a test shot or two, to make sure I know what I'm doing BEFORE calling in all of the guys. (Practice pic: check...)

Moving on...because I'm evidently a total glutton for punishment, I decided I wanted the boys to pose together in front of the tree, like I used to have them do when they were wee tots. You know, when they were young and wriggly and had the attention span of a flea, but I could strike a bargain with them by allowing candy canes during the proceedings, and thus get an angelic depiction of my sweet children. See? Absolutely precious, right?



Yeaaaahhh...now they're beyond the "bribing with treats" phase...and therefore much more difficult to coerce into behaving (which I realize sounds ridiculous, given that they're both in HIGH SCHOOL, for crying out loud, but there you have it...). So it went more along the lines of, "Okay, stand in front of the tree. Closer together. In the center. THE CENTER! Now look at me. Stop grimacing. Look at the camera. AT THE CAMERA! Quit laughing--this isn't supposed to be funny. Stop talking. Stay where you are--your eyes were closed, we're taking it again. Now hold still. You blinked AGAIN. One more time. Dude, seriously, could you possibly Keep. Your. Eyes. OPEN?" It was freakin' magical, I tell ya. Derek finally figured out that if he doesn't stare directly at the flash, he has an outside chance of succeeding at the open-eyed look. So mostly we have captured Riley, trying his darndest not to collapse on the floor in helpless giggles, and Derek, gazing off into the distance mysteriously. Siiiighhhhh....bless their pea pickin' hearts....


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All of this nonsense was before we even attempted to do the portrait of the whole clan--the one that might, with any luck, be worthy of using on a greeting card to be sent out to extended family and dear friends. (I know, I know, I'm a hopeless optimist...) And how did this carefully orchestrated session of photographic creation go? Well...first there was the usual "Rats--not quite ready" mistake (1). And the "slightly misaligned" version (2). Oh, and let's not forget the "Riley made some wise-ass comment that cracked his brother up, causing Derek to SNORT into my HAIR iteratioin (3).


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But none of these even came close to the one that happened after the following conversation. (Disclaimer: I'm not even sure what prompted it, so don't ask me!)

Derek: "I'm wearing Nike, how about you, Riley?"
Riley: "Mmm...(checks his shirt to make sure) Adidas!"
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There's a slight pause as they're lining up and preparing for the shot, at which point Husband breaks into the silence with the enthusiastic exclamation, "I've got...Dickies!" (while waving one foot vigorously in the air, to demonstrate that his socks are, in fact, made by that unfortunately named company). The response was...well, there's no group picture to illustrate it, because the beloved offspring pretty much fell onto the nearest piece of furniture, holding their stomachs, overcome with hysterical laughter (4).

It should come as no surprise that this was immediately followed by me yelling "That's it! Next year, I'm RENTING A NEW FAMILY for the holiday photo!" I was kidding...eh, at least partially. Finally, at looooong last, we achieved a decent representation of Team WestEnders, 2017 (5). I tell ya, it was like...a Christmas miracle. Aaaannnnd, not wanting to press my luck any further, I promptly dismissed them. (I believe my exact words were, "We're done here! Now go away!") Whew...pictures done, cards ordered--someone get me a hot chocolate...and don't skimp on the whipped cream, 'cuz I earned it this year, y'all!

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Because ya gotta have goals...

The Team WestEnders 2017 slate of 5Ks  officially concluded this afternoon--with the only event that  all four of us actually managed to attend together this year, incidentally! As our resident Race Coordinator (a title that I've just now arbitrarily bestowed upon myself...and which I also decree totally deserves a cute new pair of workout shoes, yeah? You know, for all the...Runner....Wrangling service I provide...or what have you...) I selected 7 from our area--Husband and Derek each participated in 2, Riley managed 3...and of course I did the whole kit and caboodle (knee crankiness, cortisone injections, and physical therapy notwithstanding...). So, here's how it broke down:

The activities kicked off in February, with the Run for the Roses in Raleigh. Some members of the outdoor bootcamp group I belong to have made this an annual tradition, so I went along to see what it was like. I usually opt to stick closer to home, to reduce the amount of "crawling out of bed at the crack of dawn...ish...and driving somewhere...to RUN", but since this one always happens in the...let's call it "Quasi-Winter"...the start time is set for afternoon, presumably to allow it to heat up to a comfortable temperature after the overnight low. This year, however, race day weather was freakishly warm--we're talking 80*, out of the blue--which made for a difficult slog...on what I also discovered was a very hilly course. Long story short: not my fave, but it was kind of exciting to be able to do a 5K so early in the new year.

Next up: the 5K for Education, which Riley and I have now done 3 times together, since moving to Chapel Hill. In fact, when I asked the fam if anyone else wanted to join us...and they declined...Riley replied, "It's kind of 'our thing', Mom." Well, alrighty, then! It was a damp, chilly morning in March, but regardless of what's going on in the atmosphere, we enjoy the route, because it's one of those that begins and ends on UNC's campus, and winds its way through the town of Chapel Hill a little bit as well. (So it does have some elevation to deal with...but at least it's also scenic...)

In May, the kids and I repeated our showing in the DNA Day 5K, another run that winds its way in and around UNC...and includes shirts that boldly proclaim on the back, above the sponsors "Run for Science!" Now I ask you, who wouldn't love that kind of...nerdy swag? It wasn't much of a surprise when the zippy Riley finished in the top 3 for his age group, and was awarded a medal, along with a cool commemorative glass. Although as we were standing around congratulating him, it WAS a shock to hear my own name called, for the...ahem...let's say "middle-aged ladies" category. As I retrieved my set of prizes, I couldn't help but think, "There must not have been any other women my age running this time!" (Didn't stop me from making off with the goods, though!)

Then, when looking around online for the next race opportunity, I stumbled across a new one happening in June, called...the VegFest 5K. Obviously, there was no question whatsoever that I NEEDED to take part in a run that celebrated fresh produce in the title. What was unusual is that Husband readily agreed to sign on with me. The boys...not so much. I believe I got as far as "Veg..." before Derek brusquely cut me off by loudly proclaiming his boycott of anything having to do with "running for vegetables". If I remember correctly, the word "hippie" was used disparagingly to describe the activity as well. Whatever--Husband and I thought it was a cute concept...unfortunately, the event's maiden voyage, if you will, wasn't terribly well-organized or executed, so we're reserving judgment on whether we'll give it another chance next year.

During the height of Summer there came a long lull for us, as nothing really matched our schedule, location, or length preferences. Which brings us to a couple of races that I ended up doing solo--well, me and hundreds of other outdoor enthusiasts, I mean. The Fall version of the Blue Blood Rivalry Run gathers folks who support UNC...or the D-school...and sends them out to compete against each other on foot, the same day the football teams clash on the field. It makes for a lively, good-natured environment, on a path that turned out to be uncharacteristically gentle and easy, for Chapel Hill. (Yay!) Then on Thanksgiving I decided to switch from the 8K I've done the past 2 years in Carrboro, to a shorter turkey trot in Durham. Aaaannnd, even though it was quite a chilly endeavor, the route proved to be another relatively flat--and therefore fast--undertaking.

That, of course, brings us to today's Grand Finale: the 2nd occurrence of the Positive Impact for Kids 5K, which benefits Duke's and  UNC's children's hospitals, through a charity founded by a local High School student. It was another afternoon affair, at a familiar park, and we'd all done it last year, so it seemed an excellent way for us to tie a festive bow on the 2017 race season...with vigorous exercise...and family bonding...and whatnot. In truth, while Riley immediately agreed to the plan, Derek's response was something more along the lines of, "Ugh. You're gonna MAKE me run, aren't you? Do I even have a choice?" (Hmm, let me think about that...why no, you don't! So may I politely request that you get out there and jog a couple of times, to at least pretend you trained, before you show up your parents with the effortless stamina and speed of youth? Thanks...) Then Riley's soccer coach went and did something crazy, like coordinate a scrimmage with another club...for the same day. Yet the 14 year-old with boundless energy shrugged and said, "Eh, it's fine. I should still be able to do it after my game."

And you know what? Not only did he run it...he finished 3rd overall, 2nd in the Male division. (That's after 80 minutes of sprinting and kicking and...stuff. Seriously, it's exhausting to me just imagining it...) For his efforts--and because I insisted we stay for the awards part, when the impatient teenagers wanted to rush home, plop down in front of the TV, and start watching football--he was presented with a nifty pair of athletic socks...and a $25 gift certificate to Fleet Feet. (SEE? Mother. Knows. Best!) Derek and Husband naturally came in waaaaayyy ahead of me, but I had nothing to complain about--even though I felt like I was chugging up the inclines, having advance knowledge of the surroundings apparently helped, as I was able to record a PR for this particular trail.

And with that, my friends, we're gonna call this....the final (racing) Win of 2017. Now it's time for a well-earned hiatus...for researching the next group of challenges we'd like to try in 2018. But for a while, the only thing we're going to be hustling for...is the holiday cookies! Mmmmm.....