Winter Haiku

Today, in an effort to stimulate my sluggish winter brain, I thought I'd try expressing myself using the ancient Japanese style of haiku. Why this seemed like a good idea, I could not tell you...wait, now I remember: it's cold and dark, I'm bored, and Grey's Anatomy is a repeat. Now that I've won the battle to fit my thoughts into the 5/7/5 syllable format, I do feel surprisingly serene (if also quite dorky).

Slip to the mailbox
On a skating-rink driveway
Winter really sucks.

Trapped inside the house
Kids have another snow day
School tomorrow, please!

Bone-chillingly cold
But we're out of hot cocoa
Maybe some whiskey?

25 Random Things About Me

This is going around Facebook, so here's my contribution:
1. I NEVER NEVER NEVER do these things. This might actually be the very first time. I'm a pretty private person, and fiercely guard against giving out too much information. So don't expect deep revelations!
2. I'm not going to follow the "rules." Surprised? I didn't think so.
3. (I managed to use up 2 items already, without really saying anything--hee hee)
4. Okay, here goes: this is my disclaimer, (like they have in the front of a book, if anyone (dorks like me) happens to read the publishing page): People who know both of us (lucky you), will notice many similarities between my sister and me. We are not the same person, but sometimes we share a brain (I think she has it today)
5. I am addicted to dark chocolate (not a problem) and diet soda. I've tried to quit (soda, not chocolate) and failed.
6. I love crossword puzzles and am good at them. I do them in pen, even if I have to cross out.
7. Reading is one of my absolute favorite things to do. I read all the time, and will try just about anything. I also gave myself permission, when I finally finished ALL my schooling, to stop reading anything I started but didn't like. Being an adult is great!
8. Probably because of #6 and #7, and a Dad who used to correct my grammar all the time ("Me and her were going"..."Her and me"..."the 2 of us"!), I can spot a typo, a misused word, or a punctuation problem in any book, magazine, newspaper, website...it's a bit of a personal problem. Or I should be an editor.
9. I became a vegetarian (not vegan) almost a year ago. While there are some challenges, it's definitely the right choice for me.
10. I live in a houseful of carnivores. One of the "challenges".
11. I could run the Orioles better than that man who owns them right now (Peter Angelos--ugh), but I'd leave the day-to-day operations to Mr. Ripken. (Of course, I'd call him Cal when we had our business lunches!)
12. I wish the world of Harry Potter were real. I would not be a Muggle. I'm Hermione.
13. I tend to have an "inner circle", a few close friends. This is fine for me. But I still feel like a loser sometimes, because I don't have "enough" Facebook friends!
14. I love to go to parties and see friends. But I love to go home afterwards when I've reached my limit.
15. I have an inborn NEED for peace and quiet and alone time.
16. I'm beginning to feel like a total narcissist for talking about myself endlessly.
17. I exercise most days. It's absolutely vital for my physical and mental well-being. And so I can eat chocolate.
18. There was a time in my life that I truly thought I didn't want to have kids. And there are some days I'm still not entirely sure I'm "mother material"!
19. I am dedicated to recycling, as well as all things environmental, which has earned me the title of "Recycling Nazi" in my house. I suspect I also get called other names, when it's 20 degrees and my husband is tromping out to the compost bin to dump our scraps.
20. My ideal place to live would have temperatures between 50 degrees and 80 degrees at all times. If I disappear one day, look for me in California, or maybe on an island somewhere.
21.When you find me, bring the fruity drinks.
22. I feel very lucky to be able to work part time and also spend time with my kids.
23. I have all 3 High School Musical soundtracks AND the Jonas Brothers on my MP3 player. What's wrong with boppy, happy, pop music?
24. I believe in God, and want to give my children a good spiritual foundation too.
25. I love my family (nuclear and extended) unconditionally, even when they drive me crazy, and I know that goes both ways!!!

Tech Tots

I'm about to prove myself seriously OLD, but here goes...I recall using a typewriter in high school. You know, click clack click clack DING! (with added pauses for swear words and the furious application of White-Out). Cell phones didn't exist when I was a teenager (although you could use a pay phone, if you remembered to bring change) . Computers were big, bulky, expensive things; given the fact that my technophobe parents didn't even have a microwave or cable television, they certainly weren't about to trust those crazy, newfangled "word processors"! I could go on, but you get the picture: life in the Stone Age. Forward to the present, where I have embraced the 21st century as I sit with my laptop; creating my Blog entry; taking a virtual tour of Walt Disney World to plan a summer vacation; sending e-mails to friends; recording a show on the DVR to watch later; heating up lunch in the microwave; answering my cell phone if it rings. So it should not have startled me the other day when my 8 year-old blurted out, "Can I use your phone to text someone?" So many questions: Who told you what that means? Do you know how to do it? Most importantly, you're in 3rd grade, who in the world are you going to text? I guess this means I should shift into Parental Defense Mode: keep at least one step ahead of the children at all times! Don't let them know more than you do! And I'd better hurry, because right behind him, my 5 year-old son sidled up and said, "Oh, can I watch while you check your Facebook page? I need to go study...

Numbers are Neat!

I'm a huge fan of the TV show Numb3rs. A cast of smart, attractive FBI agents and mathematicians (yes, you read that right) works together to solve crimes. It's just pure geek heaven. Every week, the sexy, brainy CalSci-math-professor-character throws around complicated theorems and algorithms and equations. Then he magically makes them clear for his math-impaired viewers, by pulling concrete examples from everyday life. "Imagine the Freeway at Rush Hour," he'll start, and with a few elegant phrases and swipes of his marker on the board, we understand. So last week's episode started me thinking about the important role numbers play in my own life...for example: as I'm sure we all remember from algebra, if Distance=Rate x Time, and the bus picks my kids up at the end of the street at 8:55 a.m., and the bus stop is 1/10 of a mile from our house, and it's now 8:52, how many mph over the speed limit do I have to drive to avoid missing the bus (again)? Extra credit: how many times do I have to yell at the boys to get their shoes on and get the heck out the door before resorting to threats? Another practical use of math: if I eat the rest of the Hershey's Special Dark in the cabinet (and I will), and you have to burn 1800 calories to lose a pound, how many extra minutes will I have to spend on the stationary bike at the gym tomorrow? Extra credit: do these workout pants make my rear end look like I just ate an entire chocolate bar? Final example: if Fahrenheit temperatures can be converted to Celcius using the formula X-32 x 5/9, and the thermometer on the tree outside my window reads 2 degrees F, how many layers do I have to pile onto my body when I go for a walk, to avoid frostbite? Extra credit: who am I kidding, there's gotta be something else on TV!

Bonbons and Bridge Club--Not!

As my "semester break" plods into its sixth week, I catch myself meandering around the empty house, talking to myself. The conversation goes something like this: Should I eat the leftover chili? (no, too early for lunch.) What about returning phone calls? (nah, don't feel like it.) Maybe check Facebook? (yeah, there's an idea!) Suddenly I have one of those profound moments of self-realization: I am not meant to be a Lady of Leisure. My daytime routine during the semester revolves around a set schedule: sending the kids off to school, working part-time, running errands, picking the kids up...and I work well with this structure. All the zipping around may get crazy, but at least I have a plan (usually) for where I'm supposed to be and what I should be accomplishing. So, am I reveling in all my temporary free time? Am I blissfully lying around in my pajamas, eating ice cream for lunch, and watching movies all afternoon? No, I can't do these things, since my list of Very Important Tasks sits reproachfully on the counter where I can see it each time I wander by. Even though I should be enjoying the calm before the storm of a new semester, instead I feel incredibly guilty about being a slacker! With this newfound insight, I am determined to do something hedonistic and time-wasting, and make the most of the rest of my day. I know! I'll mix up brownies before the kids get home, and lick the entire bowl all by myself! No guilt at all! That went so well, maybe tomorrow I'll try soap operas and cinnamon buns...

Mars vs. Venus?

I've never been what you would call a "girly-girl". I prefer jeans (non-designer) and fleece (okay, L.L. Bean) to famous labels. I somehow missed getting the chick "shopping gene", and only go to the mall when I absolutely must, usually to one store, for a specific item. A glimpse into my closet reveals only the number of pairs of shoes I need to get by; I try to replace them just when they wear out. Sometimes, however, my perspective gets a little shake-up, courtesy of my house full of boys. One such instance: the other day my 8 year-old saw me fishing my keys out of my purse. He stared for a second, obviously having noticed it was a new bag, and asked in a tone of mild incredulity, "What do you have, like FIVE purses?" His wide-eyes and open mouth showed that he thought he had come up with a ridiculous, excessive number. I was momentarily nonplussed. "Well, yes, actually, that's exactly how many purses I have altogether." I refrained from explaining to him how one was for special occasions, one was very small and therefore good for shopping, and two were the right size for everyday use. Like many of the mysteries of female behavior, he will have to discover and figure these out for himself...woe to his future girlfriends!

Innocent Reader, Beware!

When I was young, single, and moderately hip, I loved to read magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan. They always had cute fashions (even if I couldn't afford them), helpful makeup tips (for those many occasions when I might need a "smoky eye" look), and naughty relationship advice (that I would blush to even read, much less follow). But some years passed...and I realized that I had, shockingly, aged right out of being a "Cosmo Girl". I don't know how this escaped me before, but I suddenly noticed that I would look ridiculous in mini-skirts, cleavage-baring sweaters, and thigh-high boots! Even the cover of the magazine became an embarassment--I'm a busy wife and mother, I don't have the time or energy for "32 Titillating Ways to Please my Man with Cool Whip". So I did the only sensible thing, and started buying more mature, age-appropriate publications, like Redbook and Good Housekeeping. With young, curious readers in the house, however, I'm still cautious--like when I kept this month's issue turned upside down at all times due to the word S-E-X on the cover. Call me a coward, but I just wanted to avoid awkward questions from my sweet little boys...at least until they're about twenty. And it almost worked. Until yesterday morning when my 8 year-old waved the January Health magazine at me and snickered, "Mommy, what's a 'tight, toned butt'?" Now is the perfect time for: Go ask your father!

Tonight's Lesson--Unpleasant, but Useful

I'm a person who thrives on organization. I write weekly to-do lists, savoring the feeling of accomplishment I get from checking off completed items. I frequently rearrange things in the house (much to my family's consternation), to maximize storage space and efficiency. I generally follow a schedule, which I stick to because doing so allows my life run more smoothly, therefore making me feel comfortable and secure. But occasionally, something happens that throws my well-planned agenda into a tailspin. Tonight, it was vomit. Not mine, thank goodness--but just as I was gearing up to tackle the evening portion of my chores, my 8 year-old produced a somewhat spectacular reprise of his dinner all over his bedroom carpet (I'll spare you the details of what we ate, but it was all there...in technicolor). The bedtime-preparation activities already in progress came to a screaming halt, and all family members leaped immediately into "Acute Sickness Mode". We automatically focused on what was most critical: taking care of D. (Okay, and cleaning up the disaster. Thanks, Husband!) All the other "stuff" I had thought so important, could wait until after the much-more-necessary Mommy Work: hugs, and drinks of water, and a nice long Harry Potter read-aloud, and tucking into bed (with a trashcan nearby). So when I catch myself stressing over my seemingly neverending tasks, and pushing my family further down the list of things to attend to, I'll remember what my real job is, and give them more of my time and attention. I've learned my lesson; there will be no need for more vomit!

New Years Resolutions

This year, I think I'll be extra-ambitious, and try to improve not only myself, but my family members as well! So, here are the goals for my clan:
--Lazy-Tub-of-Lard-Fuzzball (AKA "Cat"): will get some exercise, refrain from eating lint/leaves/dirt off the carpet, and cease puking in the basement after eating said items.
--Nutball Chatterbox (AKA "Younger Son"): will lose his fascination with potty-words...but hopefully not move on to something worse!
--Sporto-Boy (AKA "Older Son"): will own a pair of pants for more than a month, without shredding the knees from throwing himself repeatedly on the ground playing football/baseball/anything with a ball.
--Man of the House (AKA "Husband"): will develop the ability to notice closet doors that he himself has opened, and to shut them! Also, his newly heightened senses will extend to perceiving and wiping up crumbs on the counters!
--the Queen: will actively seek new ways to curb (mostly self-imposed) stress, and to meet challenges and annoyances with more patience and grace. And whatever life brings in 2009, I will strive to cultivate a positive attitude (especially while chasing the cat, penalizing the potty-mouth, patching the pants, closing the closets, and clearing the crumbs!)

Happy 2009!