You might be wondering where I'm going with this (which if you're being totally honest, you probably frequently do...as well you should...). Let me explain (although I'll warn you right here that it's gonna get...weird): when a character on NCIS: LA was experiencing various snafus in his personal life, he dramatically blamed it all on "Mercury being in retrograde". It was kind of hilarious at the time, BUT...shortly thereafter, it just so happened that my co-workers and I were standing around chatting, and the conversation morphed into a veritable litany of things that had been going wrong around the office in recent days. A lightbulb went off, and I shared the whole "Mercury in retrograde" theory with them. Then because I'm, you know,"me", I immediately went to my computer and looked it up. Whattya know, we were right smack in the middle of one of those phases.
Yeah, yeah--so what does this MEAN, exactly? Well, according to The Old Farmer's Almanac,
"Due to the way our own orbit interacts with those of the other planets, they might sometimes appear to be traveling backward through the night sky with respect to the zodiac. This is, in fact, an illusion, which we call apparent retrograde motion.
Several times a year, it appears as if Mercury is going backwards. These times in particular were traditionally associated with confusions, delay, and frustration.
The planet Mercury rules communication, travel, contracts, automobiles, and such. So, when Mercury is retrograde, remain flexible, allow time for extra travel, and avoid signing contracts. Review projects and plans at these times, but wait until Mercury is direct again to make any final decisions."
Whoa...if you were inclined to accept such a....celestial explanation...it wouldn't be much of a stretch to fit all of our misadventures neatly into this excuse--er "framework". Somewhat surprisingly, all of my super-scientific colleagues were ready to jump on the bandwagon right along with me. Perhaps it just felt reassuring to have some kind of reason--however flimsy--for the ever-growing pile of "things that didn't go as planned".
Therefore I cheerfully printed out the dates that good old Mercury would be spinning out of control, as it were, so we could have a good chuckle together...and also be prepared to pin misfortune on our fiery planetary neighbor, if need be. Aaaaannnnd, you guessed it: the Big M is up to its tricks again, from December 3rd to 23rd. Just how much did we (jokingly...mostly) buy into this spiel? I'll tell ya...one of my office mates was experiencing a slew of mishaps in the week leading up to turned-around-Mercury, so together we decided it was an anticipatory period (Ha! Pun definitely intended) that shall hereafter be known as...PMR...for Pre Mercury in Retrograde. (Get it? Like PMS, but for huge, interstellar hunks of rock! Yeah, sorry about that...)
So how's it going, in this current 3-week spell of imaginary atmospheric upheaval? Ahem...let's just say that for me, personally, the manifestations seem to be centered in the realm of "technology"...which has become distinctly...uncooperative (also see "obnoxious" and "belligerent"). For example, Microsoft Office programs suddenly chose to cease operating on the household laptop. (Okay, it's coming up on 6 years old, but still, the timing was distinctly suspicious, don't you think? Just go with it...) "Fine!" I huffed, after struggling unsuccessfully for a while to resolve the issue, "I'll just use Word on MY laptop!" (With the implied, "So there, stupid machine!") And that would have been a brilliant and effective work-around...except that my computer had also evidently come to the conclusion that it wasn't interested in communicating with the wireless printer anymore, thankyouverymuch.
Ay yi yi...I did get these two problem sorted out--by removing and reinstalling the offending software in both cases, if you're interested. (And keeping my fingers firmly crossed--ooh, there's another good one!--that they continue to grace me with obedience...at least until the new laptop I went ahead and ordered arrives...) Then I figured I'd more than earned a quiet, restful interlude. Ooh, you know what would be really nice? Curling up with a novel! Hey, I think I'll download something on my Kindle! Suuurre...if only the *&%$# thing would actually STAY ON when I press the power button. This was beginning to cross the line into "ridiculous", am I right? (Connecting the e-reader to its cord and an electrical socket seemed to reboot its brain and convince it to behave...although I confess I have no earthly idea why....)
Let's see, what's next...oh, yes: on Tuesday my cell phone refused to dial, until I finally turned it off and back on after the 4th attempt to place a call. And finally, bringing us up to date is my work-PC, which informed me with a full-screen yellow and red error message that it would NOT, in fact, be helping me to access the company's Intranet site...at all. (An overly emphatic notification that frankly, just felt like the pain-in-the-butt gadget was unnecessarily rubbing it in...)
Oh. Good. Grief. At this point, I'd had E-N-O-U-G-H, and I was no longer messing around--so I went above its head immediately, and tattled to our IT department. A technician handled it in, oh, about 30 seconds...which was super-helpful, to be sure...but also completely worrisome. Because I now am forced to admit that--besides the hot-tempered heavenly body in question...or some perfectly rational explanation which we won't even deign to consider--the only thing all of these minor calamities have in common...is ME.
Nah, we're gonna go ahead and keep maligning the stratospheric disruption of our pal Mercury...which also gives us one more excellent motivation to wait with bated breath for Christmas Eve to arrive! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll step away from the screen (thanks for functioning flawlessly tonight, BTW), go pick up a paper-and-ink book, and commence non-automated relaxation...wish me luck (Salt over the left shoulder--go!)
No comments:
Post a Comment