Friday, June 11, 2010

A Modern-Day Apple for the Teacher...

Another school year has ended, for all intents and purposes (although there are technically 2-1/2 days left, I think the boys are running on fumes and have already "checked out" mentally) and I must say, both kids were blessed with phenomenal teachers this year.  Warm, caring, upbeat, skilled, and--as a total bonus--funny as well! So I was out shopping today, wracking my brains (yes, it was as painful as it sounds...particularly in the middle of WalMart!) for a solution to the age-old problem: what to get teachers for an end-of-the-year gift? I  strongly subscribe to the "Useful Gift" philosophy, because I myself am adamantly opposed to receiving "knick-knacky stuff" to clutter up my life (trust me, I've seen teachers' desks, and there's always plenty of decoration already!). And let's face it, no matter how absolutely adorable, no one NEEDS another "#1 Teacher" mug or more stationary with cutesy pictures of pencils and books. Besides, I want a present that somehow expresses all at once: 1. how wonderful they are  2. how grateful we feel and 3. how much their hard work is appreciated. Besides a chocolate bar the size of Mt. Everest (and who wouldn't want that?), I just couldn't come up with anything...

As I meandered up and down the aisles, nothing jumped out at me and screamed "Tasteful and Appropriate Reward for an Excellent Teacher" (I waited patiently, but it just didn't happen), so my mind drifted off in a daydream. If I could put together my own Magical Gift Basket, this is what it would contain for each of my sons' teachers:

--a Bottomless Coffee Cup (refills itself automatically each morning just before you arrive, and waits steaming invitingly on your desk. That would certainly help ME face a roomful of children at the bright- and-early hour you greet them!)
--an invisible Whine-Barrier (fits snugly over your classroom door, preventing any unpleasant tone-of-voice from entering your domain for the entire day.)
--Fidget-Proof Chairs (gently but firmly keeps feet on the floor, bottoms planted, and--most importantly--hands to self while kids are working.)
--Lightly-Scented Air Freshener (spritzes the room at strategic intervals, neutralizing the pungent odor of 25 moist bodies when they re-enter after recess.)
--Obedience Drops (like gumdrops, but all-natural, with no added colors or flavors : ) that when given to a misbehaving student (sorry, I meant "a friend who's not making good choices") would cause them to immediately change their attitude or behavior to a more acceptable one.
--Industrial-Strength, Jumbo-Sized Jar of Patience: because although teachers NEVER seem to be running low, I believe it would be nice to have some extra on-hand...just in case!

There! Just throw in that Mountain of Chocolate, and it's perfect! Now I wonder if Amazon carries such a thing...

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