Well, we threatened to do it last year, but this time we actually carried through--The Great Pumpkin Patch Boycott. Wait, that makes it sound like we're some kind of defiant...Harvest Rebels...with an irrational hatred of gourds, or something...or worse yet, that we're staunchly opposed to the classic Charlie Brown television special, which is totally not the case...
In reality, all it means is that rather than the whole "authentic farm experience", we opted to drive 2 minutes to a nursery in town, take a leisurely (mud-free) ramble through their extensive collection of already-picked (and washed) pumpkins, and select a couple to adorn our front porch for the upcoming Halloween season. (Did I mention the lack of dirt in this process? Verrrrry appealing. Also, for once I did not end the excursion with straw stuck in my...everything...and have to spend the rest of the day picking it out...and scratching...and sneezing...) No muss, no fuss, right? Ha! Have you met my Evil Henchmen--I mean "delightfully helpful and astonishingly well-behaved children"? (Actually, I'm sure they'd vastly prefer to be called the former...shhh!)
Our outing initially was marked by cooperation, high spirits, and pleasant attitudes. As we entered the fine establishment, there was even an urn of hot apple cider, to sample as you wound your way amongst the pumpkins. Auspicious beginning! It went downhill from there...first Riley spied a box filled with mini-gourds. He proceeded to excitedly snatch one that could fit in the palm of your hand, triumphantly wave it aloft and proclaim, "I want this one!" Sigh. I hastened to explain that--adorable as it undoubtedly was--no one would be able to spot that on our steps. Undeterred, he firmly countered with, "Then it can go in my room...as a decoration!" Ah, my precious little Designer-slash-Packrat. You are NOT, in fact, going to toss an organic vegetable product in with the overflowing landscape of your desk, where it will assuredly be forgotten, until it commences rotting around Thanksgiving. Just not the Fall Motif we're trying to achieve, I'm afraid. Moving on...
After I convinced him--with much difficulty...and pouting--to aim for a grander gourd, we began examining the other offerings with a critical eye. Not large enough. Too lumpy. Mushy side. I swear we were like the Pumpkin Review Board, we were so serious about finding the ideal shape and size. Naturally, Derek gravitated toward a huuuuuge, round, enormously weighty pumpkin and declared it the ultimate winner. Um, nooooo. His stunned expression said it all; how could I possibly turn down such a superior squash? A quick economics lesson ensued, during which I illustrated with a simple mathematical equation how very disinterested I was in paying--best guesstimate--thirty bucks or so for ONE pumpkin. Of course Derek launched immediately into disgruntled-preteen-mode, completing the remainder of the trip under protest since I had squelched his first suggestion. For each pumpkin that I pointed out as a possibility, he invented some minor fault to dismiss it--until in total exasperation I informed him that I was going to give up and just start heaving hay bales at him to amuse myself. Surprisingly, he made the laudable decision to get with the program after that...
In the end, we came away with two attractive, reasonably-priced pumpkins for our efforts. And being the organized, advanced-planning person that I am, I believe I've already figured out how to make next year's field trip even quicker and easier: I'm sneaking out and going all by myself! (Yay, more cider for meeeeee!)
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