Gamecock Assimilation...um, "Orientation"

The second day of our crash course in How to Survive College began much like the first. Er...except for the fact that Derek and I each woke in our respective dorm rooms, rather than a hotel...and our commute therefore consisted of an early morning stroll to the first session, rather than a drive. It's true that the trek to Colonial Life Arena from the residence halls in which we were housed is not by any means a short one. Fortunately, though, one must pass directly by the campus bookstore, which contains a Starbucks outpost (because of COURSE it does). So there was creamy, iced, sweetened caffeine to help wake up the tired parental participant, and to make the trip altogether more enjoyable.

It was a good thing, too, because the information overload continued unabated once we assembled and got ourselves seated. First we heard from the financial folks, who discussed such scintillating topics as "how to pay your bill" (gulp...). Then we listened to someone from the food service, who talked about meal plan options (um....is there anything subtitled "Teenage Boy with Infinite Appetite"? Yeah, go ahead and sign us up for THAT one, please!). Next, a very enthusiastic lady described how one goes about placing their textbook order each semester. There were also presentations about parking (not applicable) and academic advising (blah blah blah).

But by far the most entertaining monologue was given by Sgt. Kenny Adams, of the USC police force. ("That's right, NOT a security guard. You see this badge? And this gun? I'm the real deal, ladies and gentlemen!") I'm telling you, this man was so freakin' hysterical, he could seriously have been a stand-up comedian. And he had some hi-lar-i-ous stories, as you can imagine--most of them about students doing stupid stuff...and how not to repeat those mistakes. But amidst the frequent laughter, I think I absorbed what he was trying to get across...most of which can be summed up as: "Students, we're here for you...but we're also watching you. So keep yourself out of trouble."

Some of the details he imparted were also a bit sobering, such as the fact that there are currently 80 officers assigned to USC (which seems like a huge amount...but their goal is to have 100!). In addition, there are 350 emergency call boxes, and...1,600 cameras! Holy Big Brother, Batman, that's a lotta surveillance! On the one hand, it makes you feel like the university is well-protected...but it's also grim to think about why all those measures are necessary! Yeah, Derek and I are going to have some pointed chats about "living in a city" before we turn him loose in Columbia on his own, that's for sure.

After all that...food for thought...it was time for some actual edibles, so Derek and I joined representatives from the Capstone program and convened for lunch. They reiterated a lot of what we, personally, had already heard during their Admitted Students Day spiel...but this time they were pretty darn excited to share the plans they had in place for Welcome to School Week. Such as a block party featuring live music, free munchies, games, and...apparently, inflatables. "I Googled to find the biggest slide I could possibly rent, and that's the one I got!" one particularly bubbly young woman gushed. (She was adorable...and also: Dude--that sounds super-fun. Can I come? Don't worry about it--I can be, like, a chaperone...or whatever...pretty please?)

Then we had some free time to attend the Resource Fair, where we picked up a necessary brochure related to on-campus banking....and more significantly, Derek registered himself for the Carolina Student Association. For his 4-year subscription fee (his first official collegiate purchase as an incoming Freshman, by the way), he was given yet another t-shirt and string bag, a fleecy blanket, and a chance to procure special "Beat So-and-So" spirit wear during football season, with a rotating selection of highlighted teams. (This year being Georgia, Tennessee, LSU, and...some other opponent I've already forgotten, but I'm sure Derek could tell you. I mean, he was downright gleeful about it...)

Aaannd, finally, Derek and I split up for the afternoon's festivities--I mean "important business", which for him meant registering for classes, and for me a seminar called "Next Steps". Mine was full of advice on what to get done between now and Move-In Day, including both practical checklist items (buy supplies, make sure paperwork is filed, check insurance policies, and...what else am I missing? Oh yeah, hand over tuition money!) and more emotional, counseling-type subjects (preparing your child to succeed on their own, managing your feelings as they leave the nest, and a whole chapter that I think can be best summed up as "supporting...without smothering". Right...I'm gonna get right to work on that, I promise...but hey, once again I succeeded in not bursting into tears, and believe me, that's a big old WIN right there, my friends...)

At about 3:30, Derek had completed his course selection and was therefore released on his own recognizance, free to vamoose until late August when he returns for the Fall semester. He reported that he ended up with an unlucky 8:30 a.m. Monday through Thursday Pre-Calc, but that the rest of his schedule looks pretty favorable. Some core classes (Biology, English), a required Capstone section of South Carolina's unique University 101, and a wild-card elective in Sports Marketing (because really, what could possibly sound MORE like Derek, yeah? Good choice, son...)

With that, our Initiation to USC experience officially concluded. We piled into the car to travel a very quiet 200 or so miles back to Chapel Hill, both of us too weary and brain-dead to come up with sparkling conversation. But it's all good. We have a couple of weeks to process what we learned, talk about what we need to figure out, and make our final preparations. We've got this! Oh yeah...after about a week of sleep, maybe! I'll keep you posted...