Quotable Goofballs

There's a new show on TV this season called "Stuff" My Dad Says (PG version), which I have no intention of watching, although the title reminds me of a few of my own personal favorite Dad-isms. For example, when one of us kids would get hurt and come to him sobbing, Dad would peer at the injured area skeptically and then bellow something to the effect of, "C'mere, let me punch you in the arm, that'll give you something to cry about!" (It was meant as a joke, of course, to take our mind off the pain, but I don't recall it ever actually working...) Another special Father/Daughter moment stored lovingly in my memory: when I was an emotional, sassy, snotty teenage girl and would often shriek "You're driving me CRAZY!" (certainly accompanied by rolling my eyes to the heavens and throwing my hands in the air in despair), his inevitable response was "That's not a drive; that's a short walk!"

And I know that someday my kids will be Blogging and Tweeting and IMing their best Mom quotes to the world at large--but for now, it's my turn, and there's nothing they can do to stop me (mwah hah hah)! So without further ado, here are the recent winners from the Things My Kids Said file:

[at the kitchen counter, facing the dreaded Math Homework]
Derek (with wide eyes and solemn face): "I'm scared!"
Me (not yet suspecting anything): "Why?"
Derek (with a heavy sigh): "Because I have homework. Algebra is scary! Look, I have goosebumps!"
Me (sarcastically, giving him the full effect of Stern Mom Face): "That's just dry skin."
Derek (with enthusiasm): "No, it's the Aftermath of Algebra...hey, that'd be a good horror movie!

[at the mall, where those in control of the thermostat seem to feel that the optimum temperature is "Ice-Cube"...for your shopping comfort]
Me (rubbing my arms for emphasis and most likely shivering theatrically): "Jeez, I have a long-sleeved shirt AND a sweater on, and I'm still chilly!"
Riley (seriously): "Maybe we should get you a fleecy sweater."
Me (excitedly): "That's a great idea!"
Riley (doubtfully, and maybe just a tad concerned at Mom's silly antics in public): "Well, I was being dramatic, but okaaay..."

Such showmanship...I just can't imagine where they get it!