Age of the Geek, Baby!*

*borrowed from my favorite fictional hacker ('cuz, you know, I have so many to choose from), Alec Hardison of TNT's Leverage : )

I often marvel at how plugged in we all seem to be around here--between the pair of computers and the Kindle and the trio of iPods and each boy's DS and the family Wii...this is an Electronically-Enhanced Household, that's for sure! Oh yes, and Husband and I of course each have a cell phone. (Which to be perfectly honest I only turn on when I absolutely must...and even then it's mostly to check email on the run...okay, or to update my Facebook Status...) These innocent little devices actually have caused an ongoing hotbed of controversy and contention in our house lately. On one side: Derek, the 6th-grader who is lobbying hard for his own phone. On the other side: the Parental Units, who frankly see no need whatsoever for our 11-year old to have one. Seriously, even he admits he's not going to call his friends, as they are BOYS who don't enjoy talking on the phone anyway. And since I can arrange my work schedule to be home when the kids are, Derek doesn’t have to let me know where he is--I can see him, for crying out loud! It is true, as he argues, that most of his peers walk around with phones--many of them much fancier and more expensive than mine. But..that still doesn't convince me that Derek should have one. (It’s the age old debate: “Just because your friends jumped off a bridge, does that mean you’d follow them?” Even if you could call me on the way down to rescue you? I don’t think so!)

Which brings me to my next digital topic: email. I am flabbergasted that we have sidestepped this one for so long, but neither of my kids has EVER asked for an account of their own before. Until the iPod Touch, that is. Suddenly Derek bounded into my room one day after school and reported that his Best Buddy wanted some kind of identifying information from Derek's unit, so that the two of them could text each other using their iPods. (Oh. Dear. Here we go...) But actually, I know BB and he's a good kid, so the concept of him and Derek texting doesn't really concern me so much. (Probably an awful lot of obnoxious jokes about bodily functions, but they're pre-teen boys, what can you do? Oh yeah: ignore them! Better than ME having to listen to their questionable attempts at humor, right?) However, he then told me that a number of additional friends were already doing this on a regular basis, and wanted him to join them as well. My mind immediately conjured some kind of Nutball Network, whereby adolescent boys participate in all kinds of...secret, nefarious activities...like, I don't know, setting up their own playdates, or something equally subversive! I just don’t know if I can support that kind of crazy independent behavior!

Meanwhile, my baby asked me today--quite indignantly, as a matter of fact--why he didn't have an email address, since all of his friends have one, and they always talk about emailing, and he feels so left out. (Did you hear the dramatic tone of voice? Can you picture the handwaving that accompanied this charming rant?) I pointed out that in order to email his little friends, he'd need computer access, to which he earnestly replied, "Oh, I know, I'll just check it a few times a week!" Clearly, he's given this some thought already. (Uh…oh...) I thought we were done with the discussion for the moment, (or maybe a couple of years? please?) but I really should have known better. Just a bit later, he sought me out to inform me that he'd come up with a schedule for his electronic communication--he would correspond with his friends on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. (And don't ask me why he chose these particular days, I don't even pretend to understand how his mind works...) Then of course came the monumental decision regarding what to choose as an address. Oh, the silliness that ensued. “I wanna be rileytheoutstanding@gmail.com!” Um…no. Too long and…ridiculous. Then there was something about strawberries, and something else that I rejected almost before the words left his mouth…at which point I decided to deliver a variation of the lecture I hear every semester at work, wherein the Professors sternly admonish their College Students (who absolutely should know better, yes?) to use appropriate, at least semi-professional domain names for any scholarly contact. I know Riley’s only 8 right now, but this advice seemed wise and applicable anyway, so he could choose an address that might still be useable as he grows up. With that in mind, we convinced him to choose some form of his name and leave it at that. Whew! Now he’s bouncing around the house with a cat-ate-the-canary grin, singing something to the effect of: “I get to geee-mailll, I get to geee-maillll,! He just can’s wait for Saturday, when he can start emailing his 3^rd-grade pals…just what he’s going to say to them, I have no idea, but I suppose we’ll see…

So although I’ve managed to avoid it up until now, I guess it’s time to have The Talk (no, not THAT talk!) about utilizing online communication tools in a safe, responsible and respectful manner, and about how Mom and Dad will always know your password and have full Parental Authority to check your account at any time, blah blah blah. Gee, this should be so much fun--how many typewritten Potty Jokes can I handle? I strongly suspect we’re about to find out…(sigh. wish me luck…)