Virtual Nonsense

I'm quite fortunate that my dual life as a part-time Sign Language Interpreter and full-time Household Manager allows me to spend a lot of quality hours with my children. There are many implications of all this Mom/Son Bonding Experience; for example, it means I am able to remain reasonably current on their slang expressions. (Although when I use them in conversation...say, greeting Derek with a casual "Sup, yo" and maybe a friendly fist-bump, he flashes me a glance that is part-horrified, part disapproving, then scurries away, peering fearfully over his shoulder to make sure no one else caught Mom trying to be hip. To be perfectly honest, I do this on purpose, because it cracks me up to see his reactions. Shh, don't tell him!) Also, I have a pretty good grasp on their musical tastes. (Granted, this one is a no-brainer...since we tend to listen to some of the same stuff...and I run the iTunes show around here.) And, since Riley gets his DS games from Amazon (purchased by yours truly, of course--it'll be a looong time before he gets his hand on a credit card...or the account information) and Derek can only download to his iTouch after I approve his choice and enter the password, I inevitably have my finger (literally--ha!) on the pulse of the Tween Gaming World.

Speaking of that--I got my iTouch first, and immediately stocked it with the obvious (for me) entertainment selections, namely Angry Birds...Original...and Rio...and Seasons. Then I went exploring, to see what else was out there to help me waste copious amounts of time--I mean to "provide stimulating and perhaps even enlightening recreation." What did I find? Oh, soooo many options...like a game called Fruit Ninja, where you amass points by swiping your finger across the screen to "cut" produce as it flies in all directions. And Office Jerk, in which you again use your all-powerful-pointer to fling various objects (cupcake, stapler, cell phone....TNT) at a guy's head while he works at his desk. (Presumably he deserves it. Whatever, it's hi-larious!) And then one day, I discovered a delightful little app called Pocket God; you're an omnipotent being who can do just about anything you darn well please--cause earthquakes, teach pygmies how to fish...or hurl those same unsuspecting natives into the volcano. (Don't ask me why--it's just weirdly amusing to use your imaginary powers for evil...with no repercussions!) So when Derek asked to start checking out the universe of appealing apps, I couldn't really deny him the pleasure. Of course, first I taught him to read the reviews, and consider carefully before spending that hard-earned...ninety-nine cents. In the beginning, most of what he requested permission to install was naturally sports-related. Playing football or basketball with your index finger isn't my cup of tea, but to each his own, I suppose. We were all blissfully happy in our own little virtual worlds, racking up high scores and...throwing stuff.

However (you knew that had to be coming, right?) we seemed to have suddenly crossed over into some sort of nutso Parallel Cyber Dimension when these exact words emerged from Derek's mouth the other day: "Hey, Mom, is it okay if I harvest my zombies before bed?" What. The. Heck? Yeah, turns out he'd downloaded Zombie Farm, on the recommendation of one of his soccer buddies. Evidently, if you don't pluck those darn zombies when they're ready, you can't use them to invade Old MacDonald's farm. (Who knew?) Oh, and apparently he really needed to gather his carrots as well. Sure, sweetie, that sounds...utterly ridiculous, but you go right ahead! (No, in fact, I can't believe I'm approving this...) I suppose in retrospect the whole Zombie Movement shouldn't have come as a shock to me, since Riley has been involved in a heated battle pitching fierce Killer Mushrooms against the persistent Undead for quite some time now. (Plants vs. Zombies...and you gotta wonder: who on earth comes up with this stuff? Twisted Genius Game Designers, no doubt...) Of course, that's when he's not busily engaged in outfitting his Spy Hideout in the My Sims Agents game. "Mom, which couch do you think I should get, the red or the blue?" (I'm not making that up--just call him my little Interior Designer...Secret Agent...Guy.)

If someone had suggested to me 10 years ago that I'd routinely be involved in deadly-serious discussions with my children that revolved around various undercover officer and...zombie...activities, I'd have either chuckled dismissively--or called them insane. But I look at it this way: at least it's not Call of Duty, yes? We're not machine-gunning people, we're...supporting  the planet's population of flora, while doing our part to protect unsuspecting citizens from marauding, flesh-eating monsters! (Oh, who am I trying to kid, it's all just silly, awesome...time-suckage!)