It seems just a trifle...ridiculous...to spend the first post of January talking about something as mundane as the weather, (because, yeah, I NEVER mention that topic in this space...oh wait...never mind...) but really, it's uppermost on everyone's mind right now. You might say it's the "hot topic"...except that would be a horrible pun...as we shiver our way through record-shattering low temperatures and wind chills. Nothing quite says Happy New Year like Mother Nature getting all...historic...on us, right? I mean, when I checked my phone first thing this morning, the handy homescreen--weather-widget blandly informed me that it was...1*. Then as I stood there staring at it, frozen (ha!) in confusion and disbelief, my ears picked up the sound of the gusting wind outside, rushing past our house...and it occurred to me that I don't even want to know what unholy negative number it actually feels like out there when the air touches your skin.
I'm not sure if this is actually comforting information...but it's not only us. In the dentist's office yesterday, I read on the CNN ticker that Minnesota schools were cancelled...for wind chill factors of 55 below zero. Now, normally I'd scoff and say, "Aren't they used to that kind of thing? Don't they just put on their big boy...long underwear...and go about their business...chopping firewood, hunting in the forest for their breakfast, and so forth? It's the hardy Midwest, for crying out loud!" But there's just something very, very wrong with this whole scenario. More evidence of the--I don't know, upcoming Ice Zombie Apocalypse?--I also saw that it was more frigid in Atlanta...than Alaska. There's just no excuse for that, I tell ya!
In the small ecosystem of my own house, this phenomenon has caused quite the...um...fashion crisis, if you will. What it boils down to is this: the boys have been forced by these intemperate conditions to...wear long pants! I know: GASP! In fact, while Derek was loitering--I mean "waiting for the bus"--outside his school yesterday, the principal strolled by and struck up a conversation. (And by the way, good for her, chatting with the inmates...um "students"....to maintain morale...or whatever...) She mentioned the forecast, and according to Derek, pointed at his bare knees and warned, "I don't want to see any of that!" (So there you have it, the voice of authority and reason (who's not called "Mom") has ordered you to cover your legs...ha!) There have of course been other effects of the penguin-friendly weather, such as the fact that I utterly refused to walk Riley to the bus stop today. (Derek got a ride on Husband's Hyundai's heated seats--spoiled brat!) Annnnd....I had no sensation in my fingers after I pushed the cart from the relative warmth of Costco through the parking lot to my car and finished loading my purchases. (You know--the Maryland version of "scouring the woods for my breakfast". Hey, it counts...)
Thankfully, this should all be over (at least for us here in the Winter-Wimpy Mid-Atlantic) tomorrow, when it's predicted to warm up to a sweltering...27*. Whoo hoo! (Yeah, that was sarcasm...) Then we can all get back to our regularly scheduled activities--such as counting the days and weeks until blessed Spring arrives--and forget we ever unfortunately were introduced to the term Polar Vortex (not that I bothered to find out what that actually means...although it does have a cool sound...but I still want it to Go. The. Heck. Far. AWAY!) For tonight, there's nothing better to do than stay inside with fleecy pajamas, an entertaining book and a nice glass of wine (you know, to "warm you from the inside"...or some such nonsense...whatever, works for me!) Somebody wake me for a weather-check in March...