Raise your hand if this ever happens to you: you're chatting with someone close to you...let's say--just hypothetically, of course--a "son"...and they say something that makes you shake your head and go, "Huh....do I even know you at ALL?" (Upon further reflection, I guess that little "classroom poll" idea doesn't really work in the virtual world But I'll just assume for argument's sake that you're all with me, hands waving in the air in a supportive show of solidarity. Moving on...)
So, at dinner time the last night (as these things so often happen) Husband began ranting about how certain items in the refrigerator/freezer are dwindling, and have reached the point where only inconvenient quantities are left, "There were TWO hotdogs. TWO salmon burgers. Enough ravioli for TWO people. TWO servings of sweet potato fries. But nothing that will serve all THREE of us! (Referring, of course, to the Male Carnivore Trio that typically eats together at the evening meal. Me, I tend to stay safely out of the way of those meatheads....um "meat eaters". And by the way, how's Male Carnivore Trio for a band name? Ha!)
At this point Derek--who appeared to be thoroughly amused by this little tirade--snickered and interrupted him, "Well, Dad, sounds like you and Mom need to have a nice...hotdog and sweet potato fries Date Night!" I gave him the raised-eyebrow-and-frown combo and shot back, "Yeeeeah, he should go ahead and invite his OTHER girlfriend....the one who's not a vegetarian." Derek and Husband both burst into appreciative laughter, but Riley was the one who surprised us by responding, in an utterly serious and thoughtful tone, "I don't think Dad has another girlfriend. If he did, there would be...tension."
Holy. Guacamole. Obviously, much hilarity ensued, and we all took a moment to fully enjoy and absorb the wisdom of the TWELVE-YEAR OLD representative on Team WestEnders. But was he finished? Oh, noooo, not even close. He continued, undeterred by his giggling family, "Hmm...Dad would be all awkward. And Mom would get suspicious. And, yeah, it just wouldn't work."
Well...I can't say he doesn't make some very valid points. What I can do is wonder, with a mixture of fascination...fear...and horror...where the HECK he gets these notions? I know for an absolute, indisputable fact that the kid is NOT watching any Real Housewitches of...Anywhere...so I fail to understand what's shaping this scarily mature worldview of his. That's it, perhaps I should interrogate...um "interview" some of his 7th grade buddies to try and figure out if they're feeding him this stuff. Otherwise, I might be forced to take radical action...like reinstating a policy from back in the good old days: All Disney Channel, All the Time!
So you see, these are the consequences when I join them at the table...clearly I'm much better off making myself scarce, and leaving them to their ESPN-fueled discussions from now on...yep, that's my plan, and I'm sticking to it!