So, Memorial
Day has arrived, and…wait, what? Well %#$@, there’s another month gone in Coronayear.
Anyway, at least the world didn’t actually end when NC lifted restrictions on
5/8, so there’s that. Then after 2 weeks of apparently meeting enough
criteria to consider it moderately successful, this past Friday we moved to Phase
2, with businesses such as restaurants, salons, non-essential retail,
and…tattoo parlors being allowed to operate at 50% capacity. (And not a moment
too soon, as you all know I’ve been desperately waiting for the moment I
could rush out and get some ink! Stop laughing—it could happen! Yeah,
you’re right: maybe in another lifetime…)
Aaand within
24-hours the state health department reported the highest number of single-day
positive tests since this whole thing began, so we’ll have to see how this
goes. (I realize that part of this is due to more people being screened,
which represents a step in the right direction, blah blah blah…I’m still
not rushing out to…gallivant in public…just yet…)
Meanwhile,
here at Casa WestEnders, the crew has been carrying on, fortunately safe and
well. In probably the biggest news of the week, Riley finished the last of his
(four!) AP exams, and with that, effectively wrapped up his academic
year. Because the remote learning situation forced the assessments to take
place online at home, Riley thoughtfully posted signs on his bedroom door
to alert the rest of us that he was busy with an important task and shouldn’t
be disturbed. Except, you know, for the fact that Derek and I stood in the
hallway checking them out and giggling each day--but the way I look at
it, he brought that upon himself by being too clever for his own good.
Now all that
remains is the one regular class in his schedule, and his teacher is so
on top of things that she’s posted the content for the rest of the quarter.
Basically, he can tackle it whenever he wants, at which point he’ll be totally
done. When that happens, it’ll be “bye bye Junior year…hello, college
application season?” Ay yi yi…at least we have a Summer hiatus before
all those…shenanigans!
And speaking
of intellectual pursuits of a sort, while we’ve always been a family of bibliophiles,
(yeah, I just like that word. So what?) with extra time on our hands during the
Stay at Home period, we’ve turned to books even more, both for entertainment
and to help pass the time. The only glitch in this scenario is that, of course,
the libraries aren’t open for browsing or borrowing materials in person.
Lucky for me, I’ve been able to snag a couple of titles on my Kindle,
both through the ebook catalog and Amazon lending policy, but everyone else has
kind of been scrounging for stuff to get them through, until we can
happily peruse the aisles in one of our favorite local buildings once more.

Oh, and the point
of all this--before I went off on a meandering tangent--is that one day Derek
was lamenting not having anything to read, so I began passionately trying to
sell him on one of my absolute most-beloved series from recent years. I
described how the author weaves an intricate storyline, creates imaginative
settings, and fills her pages with fascinating characters you can’t help but
care about—whether you love or hate them. I concluded my enthusiastic spiel with
what I thought would be an utterly irresistible hook: “And besides,
it features on of my favorite warlocks of all time!” Which
stopped the conversation dead as he threw up a “whoa” hand and commented, “I’m
gonna stop you right there…that has to be one of the nerdiest things you’ve
EVER said.” (Eh, I own that. Incidentally, he’s in the middle of Book 1, and reports
that he’s enjoying it so far, so I feel like I rest my case. Also, I won…)
In further
evidence of living up to the aforementioned label, I may as well go ahead and confess that
for Mother’s Day, I asked for one thing: a crossword puzzle book. I was
very transparent with the Male Trio, to avoid confusion or mis-ordering: NY
Times is too hard; USA Today is too easy; Washington Post Sunday
is juuussst about right. (I also answer to “Goldilocks” on occasion…) And
whattya know, they nailed it. One down, 149 to go…and I didn’t even have
to peek at the answer key. So to sum up: amusing myself while keeping my brain
from atrophying during the pandemic means COVID 0, Johna 1. (Ha! Take
that, stupid virus…)

Specifically,
he requested waffles (the frozen kind, ‘cuz let’s not get all crazy
here)…with fresh berries. Well…you send your younger brother, who’s just
left off mercilessly mocking you, by the way—downstairs to the kitchen to
prepare you a meal, with no oversight whatsoever…what could possibly
go wrong?
Now, Derek
doesn’t always--how can I put this delicately--“think things through”, until after
he’s said (or done) them. So as Riley gave him a sly smile and trooped off to (maybe?)
comply with his wishes, Derek’s mental process caught up with him, causing him
to suddenly yelp and call, “Um…please toast them?” Yes, he was just
starting to recognize the many, many ways this could turn into an
unmitigated disaster. Yet when he joined us at the table a few minutes
later and cautiously inspected his plate, he discovered…a lovely serving of
multigrain waffles, topped with syrup and artistically covered with sliced
strawberries. It was only after he’d taken a bite that Riley admitted his one unauthorized
modification: apparently he’d added a drizzle of my honey underneath
the fruit (which doesn’t sound bad to me, but prompted Derek to throw a faux
tantrum--probably the intended goal, frankly…).

And you know what? For an emergency, temporary job, it’ll do. It buys me
about a month before they start driving me nuts again, so by then, I
believe things will have settled down enough for me to feel comfortable going
to see a professional. The shaggy boys, on the other hand, are going to
brave Great Clips sometime this week before they have to get updated passport
photos taken…which will immortalize this pandemic look for the next ten
years! So yeah, sending them to those who are trained and know what they’re
doing, for sure!
So that
wraps another episode of the Evolving Quarantine Gazette, my friends. Let’s
all keep our fingers crossed that the coming weeks bring an increase in positive
news, as well as continued health and safety to you all. Until
then, I plan to carry on with the reading…crosswording…mediating of adolescent nonsense…and
perhaps grooming (whenever necessary). Peace out!