Woodsy Wandering Times Two...

For the conclusion of the D/J getaway, we planned to explore Gorges State Park, which had been recommended to me by a coworker when he heard I'd be roaming around the Asheville region. Google Maps helpfully informed us that in order to do so, we'd have to drive about an hour south of the city. So we packed up lots of agua and some portable munchies, and set off to seek adventure. (And for the second day in a row we managed to pass a Dunkin' on the way. I mean, how lucky can you get? Coffee-d up and ready to roll, y'all!)

Based on the fact that the parking lot was already overflowing and rangers were directing folks to leave their vehicles along the road, we figured it must be worth the trouble to get there. It was also shaping up to be a steamy weather scenario, so without further ado we planted our sneakers on the path along with the rest of the walking wanderers and pointed ourselves toward the (eventual) promised waterfall payoff.

Along the way we inhabited the forest with plenty of couples, family groups including some wee children, and no shortage or variety of dogs. However, we didn't find it difficult to move out of each other's way, and people seemed very cognizant of sharing the space in a respectful, safe manner,--which was not unexpected, but still pleasing. As for the actual traipsing through the woods, although the map called it a "strenuous" trail, Derek and I considered it a pretty easy ramble. A few hills, sure, but even though the environment is deemed "temperate rainforest", there was nothing, you know, "death defying" like some of our previous experiences in tropical countries.

Of course, there was the double-H nemesis to contend with, as I mentioned before--it was hot, humid, and downright icky* out there, even with the blessed shade providing a modicum of protection. (*Trust me, it's an accepted meteorological term. Or...I could just be making stuff up as usual...yeah, that's the one...) Fortunately, the reward of "dramatic water views" did turn out to be true, as the first scenic stop on the hike afforded us the opportunity to climb out onto enormous boulders, bask in a breeze billowing off the river, and stick our hands into the cool liquid while resting our legs.

But the real goal still lay a bit beyond this admittedly lovely and tranquil spot. So we rallied for one more section of the path, which led us to...a spectacular sight called Turtleback Falls. Here you could actually stand in the spray and get as wet as you wanted (um...Derek), without having to dip into the pools at the base (although you could do that too, if you wished, as evidenced by several other intrepid visitors who'd come prepared with swimming gear). Or you could just pause there, gaping at the beauty and power of the thundering cascade as it crashed over the rock face. (That would be...me...)

It absolutely paid us back for the tired legs and extra 2 hours on the road--since we learned that the quickest route home apparently involved backtracking the entire portion we'd covered that morning, making our return jaunt a cool...4.5 hours. (Siiighhhh...) Eh, I guess that's what we get for the privilege of enjoying all that remote...splendor...and whatnot? Also, plenty of mother/son bonding and chat time? Yeah, we'll most definitely take it, and check off another gorgeous North Carolina nature destination. Win!

Next up: once we heard back from UNC (in about 36 hours--impressive!) that Husband did NOT in fact appear to be harboring the deadly virus currently running amok in our nation, we were able to move forward with a substitute day trip, to replace the original full-fledged multi-state extravaganza we'd been forced to cancel. Thus we loaded up the (other) car with copious amounts of hydration (in light of the warnings for an obnoxiously uncomfortable triple-digit heat index), edible fuel (because...adolescent males), and sturdy shoes (since Husband had gleefully selected a 6-mile loop for our...forced march...I mean "charming trek amongst the trees").

For this outing we headed about 90 miles northwest to Pilot Mountain, where the first thing we discovered upon arrival was that...all of the amenities were unavailable. You know what I'm talking about, right? Ahem...the bathrooms were locked up tight. Which, you know, whatever, it's a Tuesday during a pandemic, so I guess I get it. But there were also no Porta-Potty-type structures, either. As in, anywhere. So one of the first things I got to do was also one of my least favorite: leaving the trail in search of privacy...and peeing behind a big-ass rock. Fortunately, there were very few other people in the park, so the chances of being caught were minuscule. I'm just sayin', this is why I don't camp, folks! Two words: INDOOR PLUMBING.

Anyway, it was a good thing we arrived when we did, because the overcast skies--while admittedly not providing the cheerful aura of a brilliantly sunny day--at least helped keep the temperature in check while we plodded through our long circular route. While it wasn't a particularly challenging course, the kids did find huge stacks of rubble to climb on periodically, which afforded them mild amusement and allowed them to commune with their...inner mountain goat spirit animals...or what have you.


Otherwise, we all agreed that we found the scenery in general...underwhelming. Husband lamented, "No water features! No scenic overlooks!" Buuuuut there were certainly benefits, such as A) tons of cardio and B) double my required number of steps for the day...all while frolicking in a bucolic setting...so there's that. Ohhhh, and perhaps because they weren't quite stimulated enough by their surroundings, the siblings had ample time for absurd conversations, such as the following:

Derek (jokingly): "Hey, do raptors have butt cracks?" (Now, I could back up and give you the segue that led to this comment--but really, you don't want to know. Also, I'd like it noted that I seemed to be hiking with a passel of 12 YEAR OLD BOYS.)
Riley (in a serious, reasonable manner): "They must...otherwise they'd be constipated."
Derek (cracking himself up): "Then they'd need a...veloci-laxative!" (Siiiighhhhh....I just...I mean...Life with the Dorkasaurus Brothers, my friends...)

This was eclipsed only by the lively discussion about whether any of the three had remembered to apply deodorant that morning before we left the house. And, based on proximity after several hours of sweating, my vote would have to be a strong NO. (I'm not responsible for Husband's upbringing, of course--but I swear, they were all taught these skills at some point...Corona has them reverting to their primitive selves, or something...)


Once we'd finished our long lap, we intended to motor the rest of the way up to the summit, to catch the vistas from the top. On the plus side, the clouds had begun to break up by then, improving visibility and literally shining a light on both the peak, and the countryside below. While this increased the heat factor all of a sudden, the panoramic tableau made it worth a few more minutes of roasting in the July sunshine. (Especially knowing that our first stop after leaving the mountain would be at a nearby Sheetz for additional frosty beverages and fresh post-workout nibbles.)

So, it may not have been the most exhilarating venture we've ever undertaken...but it was an enjoyable day far from the confines of our own house, in the Great Outdoors...and for that, we'll chalk it up to family time well spent! And now, after several long, active days already this week, I've earned a lazy interlude of drinking iced tea, reading a book, and lounging in the air conditioning. Summer Vacation 2020, to be continued from a sofa near you...whoo hoo!