Thursday, August 6, 2009

Summer Vacation,Take 1: and...Action!

So to continue my train of thought from Tuesday, if a camera crew stumbled into our house and decided to film the scintillating events of our day for the delight of viewers everywhere, this is what they would experience:

8 a.m.--Derek and Riley clunk down the stairs and begin noisily rummaging in the cupboards and refrigerator for breakfast. They proceed to plow through cereal, yogurt, and fruit before they feel fortified enough to begin playing in earnest. I firmly avoid talking to anyone until I've had at least a few life-sustaining sips of coffee.

8:15--"Mom, we'll be outside skateboarding!" The inevitable slamming door drowns out my warning of "don't wake the neighbors!" Hopefully the cameramen follow the action outside, so I don't have to supervise in my pajamas...and I can be alone in the quiet kitchen...

9:00--Children race back inside for "second breakfast", consisting of whatever they haven't eaten already that morning. I veto Sun Chips as unsuitable for this time of the day, even though D sagely points out that "they have 3 grams of fiber, and no hydrogenated oil!"

9:30--"We're boooored, what can we doooooo?" Aha! So glad you asked! Here's your Summer Homework packet; let's tackle some awesome...word problems!

10:00--Finishing the assigned task, the boys immediately decide that it must be time for wrestling. Thie match ends abruptly and decisively with a tremendous THUMP and a cry of "OW!" The combatants are separated until further notice.

10:30-12:30--errands, errands, errands. Depending on where we're going, the boys are either bribed with a snack of their choosing, or threatened with solitary confinement if they don't behave appropriately in public.

12:45--Lunch. Is it time for them to eat ALREADY? Good grief, no wonder I can't seem to keep food in the house during the summer!

1:30--"Can we watch some TV?" Oh, yes you can. In fact, 2 shows ought to give Mommy just enough time for a little nap--I mean "doing extremely Important Stuff upstairs in her room."

3:00--"The neighbors are home! We'll be across the street!"

3:15--Slam, sniffle, stomp stomp stomp. Riley is back, red-faced and teary-eyed, proclaiming in a quavery voice, "Well, I've learned my lesson; NEVER play with my brother EVER again." Thus begins the daily counseling session entitled "Playground Battles and How to Survive Them."

3:30--Having expressed his hurt feelings and gotten his ego salved, Riley ventures back out for another round.

6:00--Time to feed the chowhounds...again. Husband comes home (if he's on time) and is given the job of corralling and cleaning the dirty, sweaty, possibly stinky boys. Mommy needs an adult beverage before she can even entertain the idea of scrounging up yet another meal today. (Are they allowed to show that? 'Cuz it's certainly reality!)

Wow, so much excitement packed into one short day. Of course, the post-production team will have their work cut out for them...like creative editing to reduce the number of times I am heard to say "Stop TOUCHING him! Keep your HANDS to yourself!" Or the incidences of Riley saying: "Derek's laughing at me!" Or Derek uttering his famous: "Stop TALKING to me right now!" And to think, we manage to get all of this accomplished without SuperNanny!

1 comment:

dorothy_vitrano said...

I can't believe no one has picked up the options on your "show" yet.

Thoroughly entertaining, gripping drama (Deep announcer voice: "Which boy will come in slamming the door first? Which one gets a snack? Or will they both be sent to their rooms? Tune in tomorrow!") Plus comedic relief from the narrator/Queen/Mom. The___network will have a surefire hit on their hands.