Tuesday, December 22, 2009

That's it, find me a den; I'm hibernating!

The Blizzard of 2009, which buried us in just-under-2-feet of snow, is officially in the (record) books.  Big Picture: that's more snow than we usually get in an entire winter (or two...or three)!  In fact, here in Maryland at this time of year, we're usually enjoying our extended Fall, doing our holiday shopping in 50-degree temperatures, still wearing Fall-ish jackets. But this season, bracing ourselves as we head out into near-freezing temps and bone-chilling breezes, we are huddled into down jackets (plus gloves, scarves, hats, and boots), gingerly tiptoeing our way among the frozen mounds of leftover snow. This is probably stating the way-obvious, but here goes anyway: I. DON'T. LIKE. IT.

So I was yawning and complaining my way through another frigid day today, when I suddenly realized something deeply insightful about myself.  Winter makes me cold and tired and grumpy (that's not it, here it comes...); while I admit I'm not always the most pleasant Human during the cold months, I'd make an awesome Bear!

Just think about it...
1. I could eat whatever I want in the Fall, for months on end, to bulk up!  No portion-control, no turning down the extra Christmas cookie, no "thanks, Mom, I couldn't have another helping, I'm watching my weight!"  Calorie-loading = survival? Bring it on!
2. The LONG SLEEP.  Curled up in a cave, warm and dry, with nothing to do but rest.  Aah.
3. Plus, it's quiet in there!  Even the cubs are conked out!  "No, honey, you can't have a snack, I warned you to eat more in October.  Go back to sleep, we'll talk about it in March."
4. Full-time fur coat.  Not to have to pile on layers of fleece, dig around for wool socks, drink warm tea until it's coming out my ears, wrap up in blankets anytime I'm sitting down...
5. And then I would emerge in the Spring, bask in the sunshine, let the warm breeze ruffle my fur, and go eat some berries. (Even better, after months of starvation, I'd be totally svelte and ready for swimsuit season!  Or so famished I could eat a hiker, but I deserve it after all the deprivation! I'll work it off later, chasing the cubs!)

Finally, for a Mama Bear, "grouchy" just comes with the territory.  It's a perfect gig for me.  So I'm going to go burrow into my bed and give it my best try.  If you don't hear from me by April, send berries (I'll take a smoothie...but no hiker!)

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