A Shower of Things to Ponder

Today at work--for some reason that I just can't put my finger on at the moment, but I'm sure it was completely appropriate and relevant at the time--I had an interesting discussion about: showering. Specifically, my colleague and I (let's call her "Natasha") marveled at the myriad differences between basic Male Hygiene and intricate Female Cleansing Rituals.

Now, as a card-carrying member of the Female Club, I can speak knowledgeably to the mysterious and complex nature of Girl Bathroom Behavior. Let me tell you that when we enter that private inner-domain, shut the door (to keep the kids from following), and turn on the water (after yelling the necessary reminder "no one flush until I get out!"), the many-faceted showering process has only just begun. First, a Girl Shower involves an array of products and tools. During any given shower, for example, there will certainly be application of a cleansing product (soap, body wash) to the skin (with washcloth, "scrubbie-thing", loofah). Of course, a separate cleanser goes on the delicate facial region (promising various anti-aging, wrinkle-reducing, skin-brightening effects). There may also be exfoliation of chosen parts of the body, using yet another type of cream (often containing helpful "microbeads"). Hair removal could very well occur, requiring a specially-designed gel to be slathered onto the targeted areas, followed by painstaking manipulation of a sharp object--with slippery hands. Finally, hair must be washed (using a shampoo designed for your exact hair type, length, texture, etc.), rinsed, and conditioned. And when the water finally goes off? (or runs out, depending) Don't even get me STARTED on the lotioning and whatnot that has to happen before donning one's pajamas and falling into bed (there's a reason I shower at night!)

Finally arriving at the point of my lunchtime rant: I live in a house with 3 male people of various sizes...they all sport short haircuts, and are generally non-product-using, low-maintenance kind-of-guys. So, you would THINK five-minute showers would be the norm. They simply need to jump in, lather up with the bar of soap I've left for them (okay, the boys' knees tend to be green and black from rolling around on the ground, so add a minute or two for those), rub a dot of shampoo through their hair, rinse everything off, and get out. Am I right? So how--in the name of all things wet and wild--can they possibly linger under the spray for 15 minutes? What the heck is going on in there? Do I really want to know? Maybe it's better not to get into the grimy details (so to speak), but all I can say is: I'd better not catch anybody using my super-special girly beauty supplies! And if you know what's good for you, leave some hot water for the Queen!