School has begun--crack open the bank account!

Today's hot topic springs from the fascinating, complex world of Academic Accounting. And just why is this random subject at the top of the "Things That Concern Me List" this September? Because since the current school year started, it seems that money has just been flowing steadily out of my pocket (so it's all been "virtual cash" in the form of checks and credit card charges--the pain is real, all the same). I found it exceptionally timely that the Washington Post ran a story this weekend in their Kids Post section about how much it costs to raise a child from birth to college nowadays. The staggering total they reported? $225,000. OUCH! (And let's put that under the heading of: "stuff I was better off not knowing, thank you very much!") The article included basic categories you'd expect, such as Housing, Transportation (driving them to soccer practice, I guess?), Health, Clothing (in this case I have to say "hooray for boys who couldn't care less what they wear"), and Food (although what they don't cost us in Designer Outfits, they surely make up for in the volume of calories they consume...which is only going to keep increasing...sigh). None of this comes as a great eye-opening surprise to me, having shelled out plenty of moolah for their care and entertainment over the past 11 years. However, I can't recall ever experiencing quite such an expensive Fall term before.

First there was the usual Supply Run in August, to stock up on pencils, notebooks, folders and such. Neither boy's list of required items was too daunting, though, so I thought we'd been granted some sort of Reprieve for Good Behavior this year. (Ha! How blissfully ignorant I was...) After 3rd and 6th grade actually got underway, Derek and Riley showed up almost daily with new requests for necessary items. (Almost like Blackmail Demands--send us this amount or we'll...make your child clean the classroom during recess! Or have I just been watching too many Action/Suspense movies from Netflix?) First Derek needed a TI-84 calculator for Math. (Yes, a graphing calculator, the very kind I've observed students using where I work...in college classes! This puppy does everything but explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity to you, I swear. In fact, it might do that also, but we haven't figured out the right button yet.) This delightful piece of technology--basically a computer that fits in your backpack--set us back a cool $100. Barely recovered from that case of sticker shock, I next received a communication from the Band Director, detailing the musical equipment Derek should purchase. One trip to the local Music Store later, we had 3 sets of drumsticks, a practice pad, and a carrying bag...for a Grand Total of $80. (Hey, if I subtract that amount from his Food Allowance, will he gain valuable inspiration as a Starving Artist? I mean, why should I be the only one to suffer for his Art?)

That completed the Big-Ticket Items (thank goodness!). But we still had minor requests coming in at an alarming rate. For example: PTA Membership at the Elementary School (mandatory, since I'm a Committee Chairperson, and therefore must set a good example): $20. PTA Membership at the Middle School: $26 (optional, and I'm still deciding whether I want the School Directory badly enough to fork over the bucks). Wrapping Paper sale at Riley's school: 0 (They sell the same stuff every year, and I refuse to  buy any of it). Something called a Direct Appeal at Derek's school: $20 (a one-time donation that you can choose to make, the reward being that if enough people do it, they won't ask you to participate in any Fundraisers...a total bargain, sign me up!) Academic Planner for Derek: $10.50 (not strictly required, but ever-so-useful for keeping track of 7 classes worth of homework. So really, a no-brainer. Where's my checkbook again?) PE Uniform for Middle School: $24 (again, completely up-to-you, but an easy way to identify--and therefore bring home for absolutely critical cleaning/deodorizing--yucky gym clothing.) Fee for Riley's first Field Trip of the year: $11 (which also comes cheaply, especially since I know I'll be bankrolling Derek's 3-day Outdoor Ed trip in November...for $80). And finally (at long last), reloading the Lunch Money accounts to buy a meal at school once-a-week for the first Marking Period: $25 each.

Whew! Who knew this whole Parent Thing would get more expensive over time? You'd think after the crazy spending days of diapers and strollers and cribs and little-kid toys, it would level off. (They should really mention that in the Baby Instruction Manual they hand you in the hospital...oh wait, they don't have one of those, do they?) Meanwhile, when asked if he wanted to attend the 6th-Grade Dance this coming Tuesday afternoon, Derek said, "I don't know, it's $3, that seems like a ripoff...when I could dance for free!" Oh, my frugal little man, you have NO IDEA! I'll happily fork over the Kiddie Cover Charge, and even slip you a little extra for snacks; yep, that's your Mom, the no-holds-barred Big Spender! But wait, the Activity Bus that brings you home afterwards is free, right? 'Cuz that's all the cash I have on me right now!