Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Candlesticks make a nice gift...

Ever since the Big Tattle, when Derek was revealed to have his very first girlfriend, the teasing has slacked off, the household gossip has dwindled, and the subject has become pretty quiet. That is, until dinner last night. GF's name just popped up in the chatter, when Derek was relaying a story about how his smart mouth had gotten him in trouble with a group of females at school. (And gosh, there's a surprise, right?) It seems a young lady was wearing an article of clothing from a certain popular collection--you know, the stuff with the word PINK splashed across the chest, or down the pants leg, or in the...ahem....posterior region. Derek--ill-advisedly opting to voice his inner thoughts without filtering them first, as usual--mused, "I don't get why it says "pink"...when it's yellow!" I imagine the reaction included both appreciative snorts from his buddies...and well-deserved scorn from the aforementioned of whom was GF. To his family, he summarized bemusedly, "That's the first fight we've ever had, and it was about clothes!"

Apparently it wasn't serious, though, since he hit me with this when I picked him up from soccer tryouts: "Um, I may have something I need to do tonight." Blissfully unaware of where this conversation was headed, I asked, "Oh, what's that?" He responded with the bombshell, "I need to get a necklace for GF, for our one month anniversary." Fortunately I'm such a calm, unflappable individual...yeah, we can all stop snickering,'s just a good thing I didn't swerve off the road, is all I'm saying. But my immediate, shareable reaction was something along the lines of, "A necklace for one month? Isn't that setting the bar a little high, honey? How about some nice chocolates?" He replied that she doesn't like chocolate (What? Fatal Character Flaw alert!) and that his buddy, who happens to be her neighbor and has known her a long time, made the gift suggestion. Sadly, I had to then inform him that logistically, this was not possible, as the prospects for acquiring jewelry in our immediate locale were, shall we say, slim to none. And there was just No. Stinkin'. Way. we were trekking to Tar-zhe on a school night.

So, we brainstormed for a while, and he texted furiously back and forth with his pal to obtain further inspiration. Finally a satisfactory compromise was provided by the friend's mother, who floated the idea of flowers and a gift card for a local ice cream place. That being decided at last, I flew out the door to yoga, with the parting command, "Text me if you need me to pick that up for you on my way home!" Which led to me receiving my very first text message EVER from my older son, sort of a test transmission, if you will. And what delightful, heartwarming words did my beloved child choose to bestow upon his mother? (Wait for it....) "Sup homeslice." (Sigh. Yet I'll probably still save and treasure it forever...) Anyway, when I returned from class, I found that the Male Posse had ventured out into the wilds of...our hometown...and completed the purchases. However, not without a bit of a spectacle, as it was reported to me. They visited T.J. Maxx, Homegoods, and the Hallmark store, where evidently nothing grabbed Derek and screamed "1-month Anniversary". However, according to the captive audience--I mean "children"--Husband wandered about the store pointing out random items and loudly proclaiming things like "A wicker monkey? That would be perfect!" (I can only imagine what the poor Staff thought of this nonsense. Soooo glad I was om-ing instead!) And here's the evidence:

Oh. My. Goodness. I'm trying to focus on the "isn't my son such a sweet boy" aspect of this whole affair, rather than be horrified that my almost-13-year-old just spent 21 bucks (of his hard-earned allowance money) on a GIRL he's been "DATING" for a MONTH. Not that they've actually gone on any "dates"...maybe an ice cream outing is in their near future...with Mom...who's now going to focus on her zen state and maybe some deep cleansing breaths. Or maybe I'll just initiate the brand new policy of "you're grounded until age 30", instead. It could honestly go either way at this point, so stay tuned!

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