We all know that life can be unpredictable and crazy, right? (What was that? Did I hear a collective "Well, DUH!"?) Besides the daily routines that take up most of our time, we sometimes get random curveballs tossed our way, just to shake things up and keep them...interesting? In my case, a recent example could be summed up using a simple equation: H(eavy electrical plug) + P(inkie toe) = B(aaaadddd Bruise). (Because, yeah, geeks like me never miss an opportunity to slip math into conversation...) I'm still coping with the repercussions of this particular incident, such as having to modify my gait when walking, being forced to forgo any strenuous form of exercise that involves putting pressure on the digit, and (most annoyingly) needing to avoid...wearing shoes! (Uh-huh, it's December...and while this would pose no difficulty whatsoever if I were, say, on a lovely tropical island somewhere...in Maryland it pretty much...sucks...)
But when we have....stuff...to deal with, we can get through it by remembering some time-honored truths, like "this, too, shall pass". We can lean on loved ones to supply much-needed support...such as when I borrowed Derek's snowboots to shovel the driveway yesterday, since they're several sizes too big for me and thus didn't squish my injured toe. And finally, we can dig down deep and draw strength from our own principles, counting on them to guide us in the right direction while we recover from the trying event. Except sometimes...in desperate situations....we examine our own Life Rules, find them inapplicable...and decide to chuck them out the window.
Before you get all concerned about me experiencing some kind of catastrophic ethical breakdown... or whatever...let me explain: I'm talking about an apparel-related dilemma. You see, I've never been what you'd consider a "shoe girl". I mean, sure, I do wear them, but I don't tend to grab any excuse to add to my collection. (Not that there's anything wrong with that--you know who you are...) And one commandment I have adhered to with utter loyalty up to this point in my life is: I. Don't. Do. Crocs. To be clear, I'm not at all suggesting that I look down on...Croc-ophiles. (Hold on...hahahahahaha! Sorry....) I totally understand (and agree) that the product is comfortable and convenient. I just find them...um...hideously unattractive. (It's my own personal problem, I know.) Also, being somewhat cheap--I mean "frugal"--I've always balked at the notion of spending $40 for a couple of pieces of rubber...with holes.
However...in my current state of foot discomfort, I found that the only shoes in the house I could (gingerly) put on...were Derek's oversized, neon green, you guessed it, Crocs. Sigh. So I donned the unsightly things (did I mention the "desperation"?), but the minute I stepped out of the house, I felt like an episode of What Not to Wear waiting to happen. I swear I did a visual 360-sweep trying to catch Stacey and Clinton before they could ambush me. And walking in those critters? It was quite a spectacle, I'm sure--imagine me tromping down the street with size-11 plastic limes on my feet, shuffling awkwardly in the attempt to keep them attached, frigid wind whistling through those oh-so-functional ventilation points. Needless to say, I quickly ascertained that this would never do.
That left me only one solution, as I could figure it: a trip to the closest outlet mall, to (gulp) purchase my first (and quite possibly last) pair of Crocs. With a deep, fortifying breath, I stepped into the store to confront the rainbow array of slip-on manmade footwear. And (what do you know) I managed to home in on an understated (that would be "dark brown"), fuzz-lined pair that satisfied my modest goals of 1) fitting without squeezing (or flopping) and 2) insulating my tootsies from the outdoor chill. Better yet, I couldn't even feel too guilty about buying them, since they were on sale for 40% off. At least now I can walk carefully and painlessly while my toe finishes healing (hurry up, already!) and not feel so much like a conspicuous Fashion Don't. So...if you happen to spot me in the next couple of days sporting uncharacteristic foam-clog-like-things that clash horribly with...well, just about everything...try not to judge me too harshly. Remember that I had very little choice in the matter. And whatever you do, please, PLEASE don't step on my toe!