Growing Older (but not up?)

This week provided a stark lesson that—even in the midst of something like, oh, let’s say “a global pandemic” that feels like it’s been hanging around forever at this point—time does continue to march onward…whether we’re quite ready for it to or not, in some cases. Specifically, I’m talking about the fact that my oldest child reached somewhat of a milestone birthday recently, as he turned 20…left his teenage years behind…and entered a brand new decade of his young life. 

Being the one who, you know, brought him into this world and all (and given my well-documented penchant for emotional melodrama when I feel the situation warrants) I of course experienced a moment of reckoning, in which I may have shrieked “HOW can this BE? My baby is all grown up!” while clutching my heart and gasping convulsively. (You’ll no doubt be relieved to hear that this was a very brief period—we all got through it and moved on. Translation: Derek snickered appreciatively at my histrionics, everyone else smirked and shook their head resignedly…and I eventually came to grips with the situation.)

Putting all of that aside for the moment, we had to figure out how to properly celebrate…as best we could…given the current state of the planet (gestures wildly to indicate “out there”). As it turns out, this actually could be viewed as an unexpected boon for Derek, depending on how you look at it. I mean, last year he was away from home on his special day for the first time in his life. So he got cards in the mail…and I sent him a box of treats…but then by the time his semester was over, April was a distant memory. In short, not much hoopla for becoming 19.

However, in 2020 coronavirus has him hunkering down with us at Casa WestEnders, so we decided to try and make it as memorable as possible. This began with squeezing some gift ideas out of him—a task that’s notoriously difficult with either of my sons. To try and head off the inevitable procrastinating that’s a hallmark of his ultra-laid-back personality, this time I gave him a hard deadline. I used the excuse that, even though we’re spoiled by Amazon Prime, these days the 2-day shipping we usually take for granted is anything BUT a given (for frivolous items outside the “hand soap and toilet paper realm”, at least).

So naturally I STILL had to stalk him at the exact cutoff hour I’d designated, and demand his Wish List. Even then, my concentrated efforts weren’t enough to guarantee smooth sailing, since I placed one order with multiple items, explicitly stated that they should consolidate and send them together…and yet they trickled in over the course of the next week. Oh well, I tried!

Next, he got to choose what he wanted for his birthday dinner. Not surprisingly, he opted for steak (which Husband hardly ever cooks) and potatoes. My department is desserts, so I asked what he’d like in terms of cake-like-delicacies. With no hesitation, he stated, “Chocolate, with buttercream icing.” But after a moment’s additional thought, he tacked on, “Just…nothing weird, okay? No kale, or beets, or beans hiding in there.” There was even an adorably hilarious scene where he and his brother—brimming with mock indignation--searched the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers, peering into the refrigerator and freezer, looking for potentially offensive produce that I could hide in otherwise innocent pastries. 

I feigned outrage, as if such a treacherous thought would NEVER occur to me…but what can I say? The kid’s had 20 years to be a guinea pig for my little tricks—er, “the lucky recipient of my (mostly) delicious experiments”--so yeah, I promised him no vegetables lurking in his baked goods (note the very careful choice of words. It will pop back up later…mwah hah hah!)  

Another one of our traditions is to allow the celebrant to pick where we go out for a restaurant meal. (Which for us is a rare occurrence, lending it all the excitement and anticipation of some kind of super-fancy event. Like I’ve said many times, we’re a pretty easily amused bunch…) Obviously this year we’d have to modify that plan a bit, but there are still plenty of local eateries offering takeout, so at least we’d get to savor food prepared by someone else, even if it was in our own living room. When I posed the question to Derek, I’d hardly gotten the words out of my mouth before he blurted, “Chipotle!” Alrighty, then…nothing too lavish for my very down-to-earth dude, which actually sounds about right…so, burrito bowls all around! (Yum!)

Oh, and the aforementioned sweets? I produced the devil’s food delight, as instructed (from a box, but he knows that, so it’s all above-board), with homemade frosting. And everyone proclaimed it utterly scrumptious…so I felt confident enough to reveal my secret AFTER they’d tasted it and formed their opinions without bias. You see, while watching Food Network one day (as one does), I saw a chef introduce a 2-ingredient baking hack, making a cake by adding ONLY a can of pureed pumpkin to the dry mix, to replace the eggs, water, and oil. I remember being skeptical at the time, but also deviously excited to test it out on my own beloved fam.

Yeah, yeah, the boys were predictably incensed—I had to endure an interlude of yelling, in which they castigated me for going behind their backs yet again, aired their grievances about “this is why they can’t trust me”, blah blah blah. Yet after they’d had their 5 minutes to vent (thank goodness, as always, that they have stereotypical male temperaments and get over things so quickly) I calmly asked them if they’d been able to tell that I snuck in a hidden ingredient. They grudgingly admitted it had gone utterly unnoticed. Follow-up question: was it tasty? They conceded that it was.

So to sum up: I didn’t lie, exactly (since pumpkin is a FRUIT. Sure, it’s a technicality, but I’m clinging to it as my ironclad…and only…defense…). Plus, my teensy…subterfuge…didn’t affect your enjoyment of your birthday goodies--which need I remind you were crafted with love by your mother. Ahem…why don’t we just call this a Win/Win, and as your favorite Disney princess would advise us, “Let it Go”, okay?

Anyway, well-intentioned deception notwithstanding, I think we managed to do a pretty decent job of making the kiddo feel extra-loved and appreciated during his bday week o’fun. And hey, he’s got magnets and a mobile charger for the car he regularly drives…although he can’t actually GO anywhere….but he can enjoy the heck out of his new video games while he’s stuck in the house. Besides, we’re still nibbling away at the leftover cake, so all-in-all, a successful kickoff to the first full decade of adulthood. (Gulp…nope—on second thought, pass the sugar and leave that twisted path for another post, at a preferably muuuch later date! Whew!)