Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave

My older son is excitedly anticipating several milestones in the coming months. First, he will celebrate his 11th birthday in a couple of weeks. In a few days, he will begin the very last Academic Quarter of his Elementary School career. But perhaps most importantly: almost overnight, he has begun to display a level of Goofball Humor that is truly astounding. For example, take tonight's scintillating conversation, which occurred while we were all gathered in my bedroom, enjoying our pre-bedtime chat:

Derek: (clearly striving to appear innocent, but with a telltale sly gleam in his eye) "Do you want to hear a Fun Fact?"
Me (Having been his mother for quite some time now, I recognized the signs of impending...inappropriateness): "Will I like it?"
Derek: (slightly crestfallen) "Um...no."
At this point I just stared at him for a moment, struggling to decide if it was worth the inevitable reprimand to let him share the information. Husband beat me to it: "Oh, go ahead."
Derek: (visibly brightening) "Forty-two percent of Americans" (here he paused for suspense) "urinate in the shower!" (he finished with a flourish...and a wicked grin.)
I think he considered his effort a success, since he earned a Parental Glare from me, but Little Brother dissolved into hysterics and almost fell off the bed. Sigh. (And where did he obtain this fascinating tidbit? From a book one of his friends brought to school and showed him. Awesome.)

Then later--after the boys were banished to Riley's room to continue their not-socially-acceptable Boy Talk unabated--I went in to ask them a routine question about something or other. Apropos of nothing, Derek blurted out, "I'm writing a story about Romeo and Juliet!" Oh, honey, that's nice...does it have feuding families, or star-crossed lovers? "No...Romeo and Juliet are MONKEYS!" Oh. Good. Grief. (Somehow I managed to squelch the juvenile impulse to retort "Oh yeah? Well, you're a monkey! But it was a very close call.) And if that weren't bad enough, did I place my hands over my ears and hasten from the room before being subjected to any more nonsense? Of course not! I stuck around for a while longer, to have the following exchange with Sir Silliness:

Derek: (actually NOT trying to be funny, just...vaguely confused) "Didn't Shakespeare also write a play called...'Omelet'?"
Me: (doing a darn good job of not snickering or rolling my eyes, I thought) "Do you mean Hamlet?"
Derek: (cracking up completely) "Oh yeah!" (then slightly more soberly) "Well, you can put ham in omelets..."
Me: (no comment whatsoever, but it didn't seem to even moderately deter him, as he plowed right into his next query...
Derek: (still not joking in the least) "And didn't he write 'MacDeath'?"
Me: (exasperation finally spilling over) "MacBETH, it's MacBETH!!!" (although at this point in the evening, my Goober Defenses must have been utterly eroded, because this thought immediately popped into my head: "MacDeath? Wasn't that a menu item at McDonald's that never really caught on? Can you just hear it? I'd like a MacDeath...with a side of fries...hahahahaha!" As I said, this portion of the dialogue was entirely internal, lest things get--Heaven forbid--even more weird...)

So, that's a snapshot of our latest Comedian in Residence at the moment. He might slay 'em in his 5th grade classroom (God Bless his teacher--I must remember to send her a gigantic hunk of chocolate one of these days) but he's killing us! (Ba Dump Bump!)