Talking (and Texting) Technology

Over the weekend, in the midst of a personal Gadget-Upgrade Frenzy (more on that later) I gained some small insight into myself and my life. The result was that I reached two irrefutable conclusions: 1) Technology threatens to overrun our household; 2) (and this is the self-realization I arrived at after much profound, thoughtful contemplation) It's All My Fault.

First, let's take stock of the actual hardware that exists in our domicile. I'm typing right now on my Laptop, which generally resides in my bedroom (although obviously it can migrate to any point in the house). Its nickname is "The Upstairs Computer", for reasons which may become clear in a moment (or not--you know how confusing this techie stuff can be). I use it for such tasks as composing this Blog, checking in on Facebook, and managing emails. Sometimes the boys borrow it to play games, or to work on a school project. However, if you want to print something, you must either email it to yourself and receive it downstairs, or save it to a flash drive and schlep it downstairs manually to the printer. So travel with me now if you will, to...

The Desktop Computer, with a full CPU, monitor, keyboard, mouse, and printer setup. It perches on a desk in the room loftily called "The Office". This hulking machine is informally known as "The Downstairs Computer" since it obviously remains in one location. It contains the memory-sucking software like iTunes and our Finance program. Husband uses it for his job-related, Database Management...whatever complicated things he does...BUT it has been socked with several invasive virus-creatures over the last few years, and although it's supposedly been wiped clean and fresh each time, it still screws things up on occasion. Thus, for example, when my mp3 software started acting up, I removed it from the hard drive downstairs and re-installed it on my Laptop. So, you must download songs onto the Big Computer, but then must transport them upstairs to load onto my music player. Are you confused yet? Tired of walking back and forth? Forgot where you're supposed to be, and just what the heck you're meant to take up or down the stairs? ME TOO!

(To review: typing upstairs, printing downstairs, social-networking upstairs, entering receipts downstairs, purchasing tunes downstairs, uploading upstairs--it's a virtual (ha ha) workout getting everything done! Our own little Stairmaster 2.0!)

Then...I contracted a bad case of Phone Envy. Since my last upgrade (only a year ago--see why I might have a teensy problem?) my cell phone was perfectly serviceable. I specifically chose one with a full, comfortable keyboard so I could easily text-message. It had a decent screen, good sound quality, and reliable coverage. To be perfectly fair, it did everything a phone was supposed to do--you know, like call people when necessary--but it didn't excite me. You see, I had started to be jealous of all my friends who had touch-screen, Android-based Smart Phones. I felt like the kid whose friends all were playing with the latest, most thrilling, super-cool toys...while I sat in the corner and built a tower with my wooden blocks. My inner Bratty Child wailed, "I WAAANT one!" while my outer Rational Adult countered with "Yes, but you don't NEED it." Then came the proverbial straw that took down the camel (wait, am I making myself out to be the camel in this metaphor? Scratch that...). Several stores had my Wish-List Phone on sale last week for twenty bucks off. It was more than my already-feeble resolve could withstand, and I cracked like a icicle in the Spring Thaw. (Incidentally, I was so hyped for this thing that I drove to 3 different stores to get it, since they had all sold out...I really need a Therapy Program for Tech Toy Junkies, right?)

Now I carry the entire World Wide Web on a cute little device that fits in my pocket, so I can get the latest weather (jacket or not? critically important in March! at least that's my rationalization...), do a quick email scan, update FB on the run (be afraid, be very afraid!), all without waiting for the computer to boot up. (Colorful Tidbit: it's called the Optimus V, which makes it sound like I have a Transformer at my beck and call...just another geeky reason to love it.) Oh, and after I spent a large chunk of my free time this weekend programming and playing with my awesome gadget, Husband sarcastically pointed out that I can make phone calls too. Ironically, that's the one thing I haven't done yet!

Epilogue: when I switched phones, I transferred my previous device to Husband, leaving his out-of-service. Derek asked with great hope in his voice, "Does this mean I get Dad's old phone?" Um, how shall I put this nicely: NO WAY! Sorry, kiddo, this is Fun for Adults Only. Wait your turn! (Since I didn't get my first cell phone until I was probably in my 20s, it doesn't seem unreasonable to make my kids hold off...until at least Middle School!) Now if only my trusty Optimus V would make the trip to Costco for me...(maybe my next one will actually be a Robot! I can dream...)