"The Most Important Meal of the Day?!"

Here we go again with the Breakfast Club...the boys get their eyes open enough to dig into their Apple Jacks, then plow ahead with the daily Topic to Flummox Mom. Today's Morning Meeting started out on the light side, with Derek inquiring as to whether I had saved the videos I took of  him square-dancing. "Of course I did," I assured him in my brightest, sugariest voice (you know the one--where the implied message is "with this embarrassing footage, I retain Parental Leverage that I'm never giving up...EVER!"). I let the veiled threat sink in for a moment; then in case he couldn't quite conjure up enough horrifying possibilities on his own, I added, "And I'm going to show it to your grandparents, and your cousins, and your first girlfriend, and your Prom date, and eventually, the girl you want to marry!" I'm not sure how effective this turned out to be in the end, though, as his response was an extended, tortured groan and an emphatic, "No, Mom...not the cousins!" (According to Derek, they're too young and impressionable to be exposed to the spectacle of 5th graders do-si-do-ing.)

I think as much to change the painful subject as for any other good reason, Derek then launched into a story about what he and some soccer pals discussed at practice the other night, during a "boring drill." (Sorry, Coach, I'm sure they were paying the utmost of attention and working their hardest to master the skills you were trying to teach them...nevermind, you were once an 11-year old boy, so you know what you're dealing with!) Apparently (I don't know how the subject came up...they probably don't, either) the Sporto Boys were talking about the 5 Senses. Derek announced that in addition to the usual Sight, Taste, Touch, Hearing, and Smell, he possesses a 6th, "Soccer Sense". Not to be outdone, his buddy declared that he had all of these, PLUS "Rock Band Sense". You see where this is going, right? Typical Male One-Upmanship...Derek came back with, "Oh yeah? Well I also have "Awesome Sense". (What does that even mean? I'll see if it appears in my Dictionary of Boy-Speak.) And, to bring the contest to a rousing close, another of his friends topped them all with, "I have..."Girl Sense!" (I can only assume that means something like "Attractiveness to the Opposite Sex" or "Understanding of Females" and not...an "Innate Flair for Decorating and Fashion". I swear, it's a wonder no one got hit in the head by a ball, or knocked over by a teammate during this silly, chatty "practice" session...)

Finally, Riley, who had been mostly a silent listener thus far, chimed in to contribute...the Doozy of the Day. He was babbling on about how he's going to love his Toad stuffed animal forever, even when he grows up, blah, blah, blah. Derek said something smart-alecky about how Riley was never going to have a wife and family if he continued to cling to his little stuffed friend. Riley seemed okay with this brotherly teasing, but then after a moment's quiet contemplation, he innocently asked, "Mom, why can't boys marry each other?" (Oh. Good. Grief. Seriously, there is not enough coffee in the UNIVERSE for me to have these Breakfast Bombshells dropped on me. I've really got to start sleeping in...until after they leave for school!) So, here we go...do I deflect the issue entirely? Offer a superficial answer? Or treat the spirit of the question by addressing it truthfully? Early though it was, I opted to dive in and give a real response, with enough facts and information to satisfy both of them.

Whew! Yet another conversational speed bump safely navigated. Now please, please go to school. Mom needs some more coffee...and maybe a nice mid-morning nap after that taxing Family Meal!