Lessons of the Day...

Some parents lament the fact that when their beloved offspring trudge home at the end of a long, grueling (at least to hear them tell it) day of academic rigor, they only manage a brief response to the inevitable parental query, "How was school, honey?" Mom or Dad wait with interest and attention, ready to hear and discuss the minutest details of their child's surely fascinating learning experience. And to their disappointment, instead of colorful stories and charming anecdotes, they get tired grunts or a monosyllabic summary: "It was fine." I sympathize with these parents, starved for information...and just to demonstrate my support and understanding, I offer to lend them my own two sons: Descriptive Derek and Rambling Riley.

Yes, my boys often seek me out the second they crash their way in through the kitchen door, after dropping their backpacks to the floor with a house-shaking thud. In case I somehow missed these initial warning noises (such as...if I were in a coma...or several states away), they then thunder up the stairs (sounding as though there are at least a dozen of them, like an invading after-school army...of one) and burst into my room to recount the events of the day...And just let me be clear: I truly mean: All. The. News.

For instance, Derek might begin with P.E. (1st period) and tell me about his football team. He will be certain to include the names of each player, what position they held, how many points were scored, and the manner in which each pass was thrown, caught, or intercepted. If he had a test in any class, I get a report on how difficult or easy it was, and what grade he predicts that he earned. Any moments from Lunch that made him laugh (and at a table full of 12-year old boys, these tend to be numerous) and aren't deemed "too offensive or inappropriate for Mom's taste" (this cuts down on the potential narratives quite a bit, as you can imagine) will be duly related. Any of his friends that I personally know, who did something ridiculous or embarrassing during class, are sure to merit a mention. (And can I tell you how much I L-O-V-E relaying these special moments to the other kids' moms...at soccer games on the weekends? Hey, if their child is coming home with "Derek Tales", I want them to feed me the exclusive scoop as well! What's that famous saying? It takes a village...to spy on your children! Right?)


Finally, if he happens to be involved in a particularly enlightening or entertaining project, I might be treated to an update on his progress. This happened yesterday, when he told me about an Economics lesson that had occurred in Social Studies, related to personal budgeting and finances. The way he summarized it: students drew a random "job description" and then had to figure out how to manage their living expenses based on their income. Derek ended up with...McDonald's. He indignantly laid out the cold, hard facts: "I earned $1,200 a month. I couldn't even afford a 2-bedroom apartment! I narrowly avoided having to live in my mom and dad's basement!" Then he added, "Sadly...for me AND for you guys!" He continued, "I had to take public transportation because I couldn't afford even a used car. I had to buy discount clothes. ("Eh, he should be used to this anyway", I thought...) I had to bring brown bag lunches...and eat leftovers on weekends! (Um, yeah...this is also familiar territory...and remember, it's sensible behavior, not punishment, sweetie!) He shook his head--I can only suppose at the injustice of it all--and I thought it a prudent time for the Parental Plug: "That's why you go to college, dear...and study very hard!"

A scant hour after Derek has wrapped up his Special Edition Show, Riley comes barreling in for his turn in the spotlight. Then it's time for the 3rd-grade happenings,which often feature a segment we'll call "Silly Things My Friends Did or Said". Featuring 8-year old boys with a very high nonsense-quotient, this part can go on for a while. Next we generally move on to "How I Spent Recess"--who Riley played with, what game occupied their time, the outcome of the contest. If something out-of-the-ordinary transpired, like an assembly or a fire drill, this is given a passing note. If there was something especially fun in Reading, or challenging in Math, he dutifully fills me in. Then he conscientiously shows me any newfangled techniques he's using in class to solve arithmetic problems, so I'll be fully up-to-speed when supervising his homework. Finally he also concludes with an in-depth recap of any big assignments he's working on or finishing up.

For example, one recent group project examined whether or not a (fictional) community should build a mall. Riley was placed on the panel of Environmentalists, to debate the topic with the other groups: local Parents, Small Business Owners, and representatives of the Mall-Development Committee. According to my little tree-hugger, a lively conversation ensued, in which his team focused on the increases in pollution, traffic, and noise that a mall would bring, as well as the environmental impact of removing trees and relocating animals to make room for the large structure. (Jeez, you'd think his mother was some kind of crunchy granola "every day is Earth Day" type, right? Oh, wait...) Additional concerns were voiced by the Small Business Owners, who naturally worried about being forced out by the competition, and the Parents, who wondered if having a mall in their neighborhood would lead to more crime and (this is funny) more whining by their children to go shopping and spend money. (!) Partial solutions proposed included inviting the Small Business Owners to remain in place until the construction was completed, then relocate into the new Shopping Center, and then using the space formerly occupied by those stores to create a new park for the entire neighborhood to enjoy. Holy Municipal Planning Commission, Batman, these kids are practicing to run the world! (And much sooner than we think, by the sound of it, yes?)

So, what I took away from this is that we needn't fret about our kids' futures...they're apparently absorbing valuable lessons about how to become money-managing moguls...while simultaneously saving the world. I just might go ahead and retire right now!