Prologue: Up until, oh, about Wednesday, I lived in a G-rated house, with two sons who had thus far never once asked any parentally embarrassing questions like "where do babies come from" or even "why are boys and girls different." Derek is 9, so I knew in the back of my mind we were approaching the magic age for The Talk (or at least The Very-Bare-Minimum-Bullet-Point Version), but I was blissfully postponing it for as long as possible--at which time I would foist the job off onto their father anyway.
So, Derek, Riley and I were outside throwing a football around and Derek casually stated, "I'm going to go on YouTube on Friday" (apparently because a neighbor kid had recommended some funny stuff for him to look up). "Um, not without supervision, you're not," I replied in my sternest Mom Voice. A picture of innocence, he asked why he wasn't allowed; I succinctly explained that there is "inappropriate stuff out there" and left it at that. I thought that was the end of it, until a few seconds later when Derek started giggling and volunteered, "One time Adam (another neighbor kid) went on Butts.com by accident!" (Riley was already doubled over, snickering by this point.) Derek continued, "And there was sex-u-lar activity!" (Riley then began dancing around and hooting, "You said sex, you said sex!")
Oh. Dear. Trying to recover quickly, I shot back, "You don't even know what that means!" (I know, VERY mature and well-thought-out response. I was rattled, I admit it.) Of course Derek then had to proclaim: "Yes I do...it's kissing with no clothes on!" Oh-kay, maybe you do...sort of...close enough for 4th grade!
Epilogue: Fortunately (I think) the conversation did in fact stop there. There were no follow-up inquiries, no fishing for more information, no other startling revelations about what my kid is hearing...and by the way, what the HECK are they talking about at recess these days? What happened to the good old days (you know, last week or so) when for all I knew, they were happily discussing batting averages and Nintendo scores? Chapter One of The Birds and the Bees may have to be presented shortly...I'd better go warn my Husband!