Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Masterpiece Theatre, it is NOT

I have these visions--fantasies, if you will--of genteel family breakfasts, complete with stimulating and intelligent conversation, shared between me and my sophisticated, well-mannered children. (And since this is my daydream, a delicious and healthy meal is being prepared by our briskly-efficient-and-pleasant Household Chef.) 

Reality, sadly, includes NONE of these elements.  Instead I am treated to the following scenario: this morning, at the uncivilized hour of "much-too-early-for-such-nonsense", Derek glanced at his brother's retreating back and declared, "Riley, your left butt cheek is bigger than your right!" Riley naturally broke into uncontrollable giggles at this revelation, seemingly unconcerned with his, um, Gluteal Imbalance. Derek then continued, as though we were all equally fascinated by his scientific observation, "I guess that's why, when you fart, it comes more out of one side than the other!"  Wait a second, how do you know--NEVERMIND, let's just not go there...at the very least until after coffee...

I'm certain that somewhere, my Role Model Family sits down to their eggs and oatmeal and discusses World Events or School News or even Sports Headlines. Hey, here's an idea: maybe when I hire that chef, the agency will just throw in some Perfect Children so I can have my delightfully orchestrated morning meal.  On second thought, who am I trying to kid; at least I can say it's never dull! (Pass the coffee!)

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