The Reverend Martin Luther King had a dream, for peace and harmony, tolerance and understanding, freedom and equality among people of all races. These are powerful, noble goals that the Community of Mankind is obviously still working to achieve. As we enjoy a cold January 3-day weekend in his name, (it's snowing as we speak--how much do you want to bet school is canceled tomorrow? Aargh! Um, I mean: even more Special Time with my Beloved Sons...) I pause to reflect upon my own aspirations for obtaining balance and serenity in my life. And after all this blessed Winter inside-the-house togetherness, it has become abundantly clear to me that the ultimate answer is: Less Time Spent with Gooberheads.
How did I come to this point of clarity? I believe it began to crystallize when I observed the Male Trio (husband, 10-year old son, 7-year old son) in their natural habitat: in front of the television watching the Ravens/Steelers playoff game. They lined up on the couch, beverages within easy reach, and decimated a 4-pound bag of nuts while periodically leaping to their feet (scattering shells and bits of pistachio-skins on the couch, floor, and table of course) and yelling either insults or encouragement at the players scampering around on the field. It was...quite a spectacle. But the SportsCenter highlight reel moment had to be when I strode into the room, toting the laundry basket, and requested that they put their pjs on so I could add their clothes into the load I was about to start. Without shifting their eyes from the riveting action on the screen, Derek and Riley proceeded to strip naked and toss their clothing in my direction. There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that they would have finished watching the entire game in their birthday suits if I hadn't demanded that they go get dressed.
They also watched the Patriots/Jets game (and did an obnoxious amount of mocking Tom Brady's hair, I might add). And the aftermath of all this macho-gridiron-bonding? Last night 7-year old Riley admonished me to "man up and choose a light beer with more taste!" Oh. Good. Grief. (As he was wrapped in a towel at the time, having just showered, I responded that he should "man up and put on some underwear". Somehow it seemed appropriate at the time...)
Then, there's Derek, for whom sarcasm has become the default tone of voice, and 5th-grade-silliness the prevailing communication style. For example, he informed me that he made up an improved version of the classic Rock/Paper/Scissors game. His new twist adds two more options (ready for this?): Santa...and Spongebob. He then taught everyone on his bus the new rules--and accompanying body motions. Because I'm SURE you feel absolutely overcome by suspense and compelled to play, here is a breakdown of the Rock/Paper/Scissors/Santa/Spongebob heirarchy: Rock pounds Scissors; Scissors cuts Spongebob in half; Spongebob ruins Paper by...farting magic bubbles (sigh); Paper defeats Santa, who is exhausted by all the wrapping he has to do; Santa chucks Rock out a window. Now aren't you thrilled to know that? Oh, and of course the critically important gestures: for Santa, you hold your belly and shake it (um...like a "bowl full of jelly"...I guess); for Spongebob, you place your hands on the side of your face and rub up and down (don't ask me, I just work here...). So I can just picture my son, in his neon-yellow Patrol belt that marks him as an elementary school role-model and authority figure...imparting a big heaping bunch of nonsense to a rapt audience of younger kids on the school bus. I guess I should be ecstatic that at least he's not teaching them swear words or stealing their lunch money by running a 3-Card Monte scam. No, he's just the Bus Clown. Awesome. Makes a mother so proud, I tell ya.
Well, that concludes today's January Report...and if they're granted their first Snow Day of the season, I'm sure there'll be more goofiness to come. Stay tuned...better yet, I'll Rock/Paper/Scissors/Santa/Spongebob you for who gets to make the Starbucks run (hope I win--I'll bet I can make that little errand last for HOURS!)
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