From Cucumbers to Calculus (by way of...Costco?)

Neither one of my sons really picked up the whole "talking" thing until they were almost two years old. At the time, I wasn't particularly worried (6 years of education and training to become a Speech-Language Pathologist came in handy--to reach the Professional Diagnosis that my children were not "delayed", just "stubborn"). However, I clearly remember wishing that they'd just get on with it, and start chatting with me already. And now? Some days, I cross my fingers, squeeze my eyes shut, and fervently pray for them to stop spouting nonsense. (Thus far, my heartfelt requests have sadly been ignored.) For example, on Presidents' Day I made good on my threat to subject the boys to a Costco trip. We strolled past boxes of food that would feed an entire College Dorm (Derek's eyes shining with delight at every turn, at the sheer volume and variety of things to eat), eventually entering the Spice Aisle. As we spotted some jars of absolutely gigantic Kosher Dills, I heard a snicker. "Look, Riley," Derek called gleefully, "Giant Pickles!" Riley immediately dissolved into hysterical giggles, clutching at his sides...but after a moment he abruptly sobered, and stopped in his tracks. " In the sudden silence he asked, "Wait, we're talking about weenies, right?" I turned and shot him a poisonous Mom Glare, to which he--far from being appropriately stifled and repentant--responded, "What? I just wanted to know!" (Sigh.)

We managed to escape from the Land of Enormous Foodstuffs without further incident, and were in the car driving home, when Derek spied a customized license plate reading Delta 10. I explained that it probably signified the driver's Sorority and Graduation Year, to which Derek interrupted, "Or she's playing Blackjack, and (he actually paused for comic effect) dealt...a ten!" (Yes, he's become quite the Pun Master of late--and he seems to derive great satisfaction from making his mother groan while smacking him in the back of the head.) After we had recovered from the pain of his horrible joke, I continued, undaunted, to explain the Greek Alphabet: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon...something something...then there's um, Phi, Psi, Chi, Rho, Zeta, Theta, Sigma...blah blah blah...Omega! (Can you tell the Jesuit College I attended did NOT allow Sororities? True story, though: I once visited James Madison University with a girlfriend, and in order to gain admittance to a Frat Party, we had to learn the entire Greek Alphabet, and recite it correctly while holding a lighted match, before getting our fingers burned. Yeah, I was once a Wild Woman...at least on Carefully Selected Occasions! To quote the classic 80s movie The Sure Thing, "Spontaneity has its time and place." But I surely digress...)

Anyway, never one to pass up a Parental Lecture (sorry, I mean Teachable Moment) with a Captive Audience, I proceeded to mention that to this day, some Greek letters are used as symbols in Math and Science. Since the boys weren't yet throwing things from the back seat or begging me to stop, I resolutely plowed on, choosing Delta as an example. Riley had just covered Ordered Pairs (plotting points on a graph) at school, so I seized on that--"You know, when you draw a line between 2 points, and you're trying to find the slope, you can use the formula:  
Delta y / Delta x!" Triumphantly, I glanced in the rear view mirror to glimpse their politely attentive, utterly blank faces. Oh well, maybe it's a bit early for Higher Mathematics. But God bless my little nerdlings, who just take it in stride, that it's perfectly normal behavior to discuss Trigonometry on the way home from Costco!

Although come to think of it, I'll bet sometimes they wish Mom would just stop spouting nonsense!