It's a ridiculous job, but someone's gotta do it...

Yesterday after the kids had gone upstairs for their nightly pre-bed Reading Time, I stood in the quiet kitchen, taking a few seconds to catch my breath from the whirlwind that was just ending. Inhale, exhale...OKAY, the Zen moment is over, time to gear up for tomorrow! First order of business: review my Critical Life Plan. Okay, it's my To Do List--but really, it amounts to the exact same thing...just updated on a daily basis. As I read the items on the Wednesday Agenda, I was struck by the absurdity of some of the tasks. My day begins so...normally, with the waking of the children (although in reality, "waking" actually means "poking at the buried bodies in their blanket-caves until they grudgingly emerge"). Then there's the breakfasting (and coffeeing--not a word? well, it should be), dressing, teeth brushing, packing up, and scrambling to the bus-stop. I'm sure families all over the world engage in these very same activities together.

But then my Wednesday strayed, shall we say, a bit off the beaten path. After waving goodbye to the children, I hastened to my Dance Class, where I got my groove on, in a sweaty and extraordinarily enjoyable hour spent shimmying and shaking and hip-hopping with other ladies. Next up: Target, where I needed to perform a Very Important Mom Job: purchasing new socks and underwear for all three males of the family. From there it was on to Home Depot, to obtain...doorknobs. Yes, doorknobs. When they get old, and you can't turn the handles anymore without superhuman effort (making them useless as, say, a means of entering or exiting the house), they must be replaced. Who knew? Finally, I hit the grocery store (yes, AGAIN, since I seem to be incapable of buying enough food for an entire week in one trip...or my voracious boys just eat too much...yeah, that's it!) for life-sustaining items such as: bread, lunchmeat, cheese, bananas, and...coffee (otherwise I tend to lose focus and forget where I'm going. Can you imagine why?) Errands successfully completed, I returned home to tackle the mundane, in-house portion of my "Day Job". There should be just enough time left to load and run the dishwasher, wash/dry/distribute the laundry, and relax a little bit before the After School Tornadoes blow in for the evening.

So is it any wonder that I snicker when I contemplate my day's accomplishments?
Here's a quick summary of how it breaks down:
Boogie
Underthings
Hardware
Edibles
Cleaning
(oh yeah, and Write!)

And to think, with all of the specialized talent and varied skills I bring to bear in my Household Manager position (it sounds so much more official and significant than "Housewife", yes?), how is it possible that I DON'T get paid for any of this! I mean really, without my vital services, at the end of today, my family would be famished, half-naked, and trapped in the house (which, given the partial-nudity, might be a good thing). Therefore, I've made an Executive Decision: in lieu of an actual salary, I will accept as compensation the bag of dark chocolate M&Ms that somehow found its way into my cart at Target. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fix some doorknobs...