The Elf Report

Here we are on Christmas evening, having enjoyed a delightful day chock-full of family, frolic, and to be sure, a bit of frenzy as well. (5 cousins, ages 4 to 11...enough said!) Our traditional celebration takes place at Grammy and Pop Pop's (my parents') house. We begin with the solemn, dignified unwrapping of the presents...hahahahaha! Excuse me, what I meant to say was: "the uncontrolled whirlwind of shredding paper and flying boxes" (see the aforementioned "mob o'children"). Oh, and let's not forget the high-volume shrieking as each treasure is revealed. Sometimes an unexpected priceless moment occurs, such as when one of the kids (hypothetically, my nephew) receives an especially loud gift--suppose, just for the sake of argument...a Paper Jamz guitar--which he then proceeds to play incessantly...with his BUTT. (Now whose brilliant gift idea was that? Uh-huh, none other than Aunt Johna! You're welcome, my precious Younger Brother!) And for the Part 2 of Z's impromptu performance, picture a roomful of educated adults struggling valiantly to get that darned disobedient toy to play anything other than the same one song over and over (which would be the timeless classic Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, if you're wondering. Never need to hear it again, trust me.)

Then when the Santa-rific mayhem winds down, Grammy always feeds the masses with her beloved Pancake and Sausage Feast. This year, in order to flip enough flapjacks to fill our clan (6 adults, 5 kids) she whisked through an entire box of Bisquick and browned two packages of sausage links. Perhaps the best explanation lies in the fact that Derek alone ate 9 pancakes and 6 sausages. (Maybe for 2012 we should begin a new ritual: drop Derek off at Denny's and set him loose on the buffet!)

This year, I was struck for the first time by the fact that after all of the opening and oohing and aahing over presents, each of my sons' piles of loot perfectly encapsulated his personality. From us, Riley requested a couple of DS games, some books, and a Peace Frogs pen and notebook set. (Reading, Writing, Video Games, these are definitely a few of his favorite things!) Derek, craving an iTouch, crafted a deal with the Parental Bank, way back in the Summer, whereby if he amassed half of the purchase price by socking away his allowance, Mom and Dad would contribute the rest as his Christmas gift. (You see, ever since I got one, he had been suffering a severe case of Tech-Envy, but I utterly refused to shell out 200-bucks to buy such a thing for an 11-year old.) His patience, perseverance, and penny-pinching paid off, and Derek was rewarded with his very own iToy this year. And permission to purchase some apps.

From the South Carolina grandparents, Derek got exactly what he asked for: a Snuggie (I'm not kidding--he walks around the house wearing a fleecy throw-blanket half the time in the Winter anyway, and as he explained it, "I want to feel warm, but be able to work the remote at the same time!" Such a...guy!), a new football...and snacks (junk food such as he only consumes when he's at Mimi and Pap Pap's house every year). Riley was thrilled to discover several new Lego sets to increase the ever-expanding Dresser Metropolis in his bedroom. (He proceeded to construct the items immediately...all 600-ish pieces...) Then he somehow delicately assimilated a Spaceship, an Alien Monster, a Bank, and several Police Vehicles into his planned community. (I'm not completely sure if the Monster is robbing the Bank, or if the Spaceship is the actual Thief's getaway transport...all I do know is I'm not moving to that town anytime soon.)

Finally, my extended side of the family made Derek's life complete, by supplying his most prized new possession of Christmas 2011: a Pillow Pet. Imagine one extremely contented pre-teen boy, lounging on his Pillow Pet, sporting his Snuggie and new baseball cap (featuring the logo of the AA Richmond Flying Squirrels. Not making that up.) Meanwhile, Riley got his own Pillow Pet as well, prompting him to carry it around and sing the bouncy tune, "It's a pill-low, it's a peeetttt" repeatedly for the rest of the day. And he was the proud recipient of yet another Lego set, this one a Tanker Truck...which he naturally assembled the minute we returned home. (Well, sure, it makes sense, when you consider that the Police Cars and the Spaceship need fuel, right?)

Truly, what more could one possibly want? The family gathered for a celebration that included entertainment, eating, and enjoying each others' company. Altogether a very Merry Christmas indeed!