A couple of random incidents that tickled my funny bone this week...
The first one transpired on Saturday morning at the breakfast counter in the kitchen. The Washington Post "Supplement Package" (Sounds vaguely sinister, right? Like we're receiving thrilling, dastardly Spy Instructions rather than boring, innocuous Sales Flyers...) had arrived as usual, and as per custom, I was distributing the choice selections. Derek claims the Comics; I peruse Travel (wistfully); and at this time of year, Riley snatches anything prominently displaying toys on the front cover. He was happily absorbing the advertisement for a local store called Five Below (where everything costs $5 or less...clever, no?) when he spotted an item that caused him to spontaneously squeal with glee: Angry Birds keychains. (Actually, he sounded exactly like the Pig Targets in the game, whether he meant to or not!) His delight proved short-lived, however, as he almost immediately became pensive and remarked, "Hmm, five dollars seems like a LOT for a little keychain..." I could have quickly, carelessly tossed out, "Yes, it does, honey!" and that would have been the end of it. But noooo...(I mean, c'mon, have you been paying attention? Does that seem like something I would do? Pshaw...) Instead, I launched (kind of like a vengeful flying avian! get it? ha ha!) into an explanation of Copyright Laws and why "Officially Licensed Merchandise" costs more and...some other semi-legal mumbo-jumbo (at least a portion of which I may very well have been making up. Apparently it was close enough for an 8-year old, though.) After an infinitesimal pause, Riley came right back with a snort and a pithy, "Then they should just call it (wait for it...) Irate Birds!" Yeeaaahhh...you think he's secretly been playing Nintendo Vocabulary Games behind my back? Don't ever let anyone suggest technology is ruining my kids' brains...
The second notable occurrence also involved an item from said newspaper. Parade magazine reported that the Concise Oxford English Dictionary (which must be an oxymoron...with a name that pretentious, I'm sure it's as big as a...castle, and weighs a ton...or would that be tonne?) added 400 new words in 2011. Among these: "jeggings", "retweet", and the extraordinarily dignified..."woot". Really? These are the terms deemed worthy of inclusion in the venerable OED? First of all, how many pounds (I mean "euros", blimey!) would you pay to hear, say, Queen Elizabeth let fly with a nice, rowdy WOOT at a Royal Dinner!? And jeggings? Are we to assume this fashion nightmare--I mean trend--is going to be around long enough to warrant even a footnote, much less an entire etymological entry in the world's most recognized and respected tome of definitions? (Wow, that was a lot of big words. And yes, I HAVE been waiting my whole life to use the word "etymological" in a sentence. I'm just so dorkalicious right now, aren't I!)
Then of course there are the bygone phrases that have been judged obsolete, and will therefore appear no more. A moment of silence, if you please, for: cassette player. Wait, WHAAAAATTTT? It's like they're erasing my precious youth (or taping over it, if you will)! If I remember correctly, the first cassette I ever bought was Bryan Adams's Cuts Like a Knife, and I played that sucker until the plastic spool stretched so much it sounded more like Bob Dylan (shudder). I remember having to repeatedly use a pencil to rewind the darn string back into the case when it got tangled (inevitably) in car stereos. I broke more of those stupid little flimsy boxes they came in than I can possibly count. Since I possessed heaps and heaps of the things, I stubbornly resisted switching over to CDs for the longest time, for fear I'd have to recreate my entire music collection from scratch. But now that I stop to consider it, having fully embraced the age of digital media, I can freely admit that cassette tapes really were a fragile, temperamental, annoying way to play music. When I shared the blurb with the boys, briefly lamenting the passing of "cassette player" out of the English vernacular, Riley looked up from his cereal and innocently inquired, "What's that?" Indeed. Okay, then...good riddance! Now if you'll please excuse me, I must download Cuts Like a Knife to my iPod immediately! (Woot!)
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