Kids these days...

A couple of conversations this past week fell firmly into the Laugh Out Loud category...although the first one also earned a Sub-Heading of "Stuff I'm sooooo very NOT ready to face!"

Let's start with Derek: after school one day as we were having our 3 p.m. Summarize and Strategize Meeting (formerly known as "How was your day, honey?"--you know, back in less-serious Elementary School), he mentioned that his Registration Forms for 7th grade could be found in his backpack, for me to review, approve, and sign. (Of course I'm trying to glamorize my job--makes me sound like the WestEnders....CEO, right?) Then he ever-so-casually added that earlier the same day, a Guidance Counselor had interrupted the 6th-grade schedule to speak to them about...dating. (!?) Yes, evidently those intrepid 12-year olds needed a good old-fashioned lecture about, ahem, "girls not being a piece of meat to pass around." Oh. Good. Heavens. I sat there struggling to wrap my mind around A) the utter absurdity of pre-teenagers even beginning to consider engaging with the Opposite Sex and B) the fact that it sounds like they must be getting their relationship information from Hollywood. (And just what the heck are these kids watching, anyway? No Strings Attached? Swingers? Jeesh!) I was working up a good head of steam to launch into full-blown Mom Instructional Mode when Derek suddenly giggled and interjected, "Then Nick said, 'mmm....meat....delicious'!'" I suppose Ms. T didn't hear that (luckily for Nick--and Derek, who I'm sure was snickering right along with him) because she apparently continued dispensing her sage and timely advice. The only other thing Derek took away from this little interlude was that she humorously concluded, "Wait until 10th or 11th grade--the girls will look much better then!" To which another one of Derek's good buddies muttered, "They look pretty good right now!" So there you have it: on the one hand, a lighthearted, "who needs this silly girl stuff" attitude, and on the other hand...a boy who's far too advanced to be hanging out with my precious baby.

Suffice it to say, I felt quite relieved when we continued chatting and the subject of the Valentine's Day Dance came up, to which Derek's instantaneous response was: "It costs five bucks!" Even though I would of course subsidize the school event if he wished to attend, I took that as a clear sign that he wasn't the least bit interested. Then he joked, "Even if I did go on a date, it'd have to be to McDonald's, and she'd have to order off the Dollar Menu!" Fortunately, that sums up his feelings on the whole subject of girls at this moment: hilarious, and not-applicable to him, personally. (Yesssss!)

So, now let's move on to Riley...on Saturday morning, Husband was preparing breakfast for the Bottomless Pits--I mean Cherished Sons. When he was ready to summon them to the table, a strange noise emanated from the kitchen, sort of like a bird...desperately chirping...while being strangled. This turned out to be Husband's wildly unsuccessful attempt at whistling "come and get it". Once we'd all had a chuckle, and established that there was not some poor avian creature in distress in our house, Husband apologized by saying, "Sorry, guys, there's something wrong with my tweet--and I don't mean on Twitter!" (Keep in mind, Husband isn't even a twit...I mean doesn't tweet...I mean refuses to participate in any form of Social Networking at all, so this was kind of random, coming from him.) Riley, heading up the stairs to wash his hands before eating, shot back over his shoulder, "What, did you use a hundred and forty ONE characters, or something?" Dumbfounded, I gaped at my 8-year old child and stammered, "What the....how do you even know that?" His immediate reply was an offhand shrug and "Eh...media!" Aaarrrrghhhh! Either he has some awfully world-wise 3rd-grade pals, or...I don't know what else it could possibly be!

That's my family in a nutshell these days: one practical son who seems in no particular hurry to grow up too fast...and one little plugged-in guy who knows entirely too much. One balances out the other, I guess? Or just keeps Mom off-balance!