Animal, Vegetable, or...a little of both?

I've been following a (mostly) vegetarian diet for almost four years, now, with no regrets. (I say "mostly" because I do occasionally eat shellfish, crustaceans...and tuna--don't ask me why, I just still enjoy the sea creatures. Incidentally, would you believe there's actually a word for fish-eating vegetarians? It's pescetarian. But that to me sounds like a rare, incurable disease, so I prefer not to refer to myself that way...and inspire misplaced pity!) My family pretty much uncomplainingly goes with the meat-free-flow, as long as I don't go too many days in a row without serving up some dead animal for their dinner. (Although Derek, exercising his smart-aleck Middle School mouth, increasingly looks for opportunities to mock my pro-plant, anti-animal stance. Naturally, tofu is his favorite target. What did soybeans ever do to him?)


Anyway, I've suspected for some time now that Riley harbors at least a semi-vegetarian inside, just waiting to spring free. For example, when we go to Chipotle, and Derek makes sure to order a burrito approximately the size of his head, stuffed to bursting with steak, Riley asks for: a salad. And at Panera, Derek salivates over the turkey sandwich with bacon, while Riley requests...tomato soup in a bread bowl. Just yesterday, Riley skidded into the house after school and called out, "Mom, can I have some carrots for a snack?" Of course you can, bunny--I mean honey. "Oh, thank you, Mom!" he replied with gushing enthusiasm. Riley's the one who gets positively giddy when I put out a bowl of grapes for him to snack on....Derek eats them because, well, because they're food, and they're available, and he's (perpetually) hungry. If I left out a big pile of, say, hotdogs, Derek would eat that just the same (and probably ask for more when he was done...)

So last night was one of those "carnivore meals", when Husband cooked (beef) burgers on the grill. Afterwards, Riley complained to me that he didn't feel well. What he actually said was, "I don't want to eat cheeseburgers anymore; they give me a stomachache."  This was not the first time he had mentioned the issue after eating ground beef, so I offered, "Next time Dad grills, I'll make sure we have enough veggie burgers for both..." But that's as far as he let me get before interrupting with an emphatic, "YES, that's what I want!" Oh--kay, then, my little Boca Buddy, I guess we'll be Black-Bean-Patty-Pals. Never one to just...let a subject drop, or anything, I continued explaining how hamburger comes from cows (he nodded, uncertainly) and that means eating the animal's body. (At this point he made a very strong yuck face, as though this had never occurred to him before...or he'd just never wanted to think about it in those terms, more likely. And really, who would?)

I could almost see the wheels turning in his brain as, faced with this unpleasant imagery, Riley started examining the issue a little more deeply. Almost immediately he came up with, "I can give up lunchmeat, I don't like that too much anyway...and hamburgers...and bacon...but some meat is still good." We determined that he enjoys pork chops, and meatloaf (for which I usually buy ground turkey anyway), and the breaded chicken patties from Costco, and ham steaks ("except the hard-to-chew parts" he added. And here I just couldn't help myself--I had to point out that those are most likely bits of...connective tissue. I was rewarded with yet another yuck face. Yes, I admit that was probably a cheap shot, but he'll thank me someday...maybe?) We discussed how alternatives such as peanut butter and jelly or cheese could make excellent lunchbox choices instead of cold-cut-sandwiches. I swear I wasn't trying to gross him out or drag him into my Vegetarian Camp, but it seems like he's drifting a little bit more toward the...let's just go ahead and use the newfangled, PC term Flexitarian side. So, I'm sorry, sweetie! (Okay, not really--what I really mean is: Come Over to the Veg Side...We've Got CARROTS!)