This week, I attended what used to be called Back to School Night, but has recently been re-branded the Open House. (Please indulge me a moment while I skate off onto a mini-tangent: may I just say that this strikes me as ridiculous marketing...bogusness? I mean, at Open Houses you have swanky hors d'oeuvres and trendy cocktails, right? And what do you get at Back to School Night? Syllabi...and PowerPoint shows...which, don't get me wrong, would TOTALLY be better with booze and snacks. But they're trying to fool us with some kind of tricky spin campaign, I tell ya, and I'm not buying into it. For crying out loud, we don't even get...cookies and lemonade--sheesh! Someone tell me why I drag myself to these things again? Oh, right...the beloved children, and supporting their learning, and all that jazz. Oh-kay, back on topic...)
The first thing I feel compelled to mention is that I'll only be forced--I mean "privileged"--to show up at ONE whatever-they-want-to-call-it this year, for the first time since the kids were in 5th and 2nd grades and enrolled at the same Elementary School. Fast forward seven years, and they're both students at their final stop on the old educational train: Chapel Hill High. This means that I only had to give up one evening, rather than two, to learn all about my children's teachers and courses. (Yay!) However, it also presented a dilemma, as I'm obviously only an individual...with two sons...so how was I going to cover both of their schedules?
Now, I can imagine what you may be thinking: "Two parents, two offspring...what's the big deal? Aren't you being dramatic for nothing?" But you see, Husband has always...declined...to participate in these types of events. I don't know if he's secretly intimidated by the prospect of wandering around an unfamiliar building, surrounded by crowds of strangers (as I've done for years, by the way, with nary a scar to show for it). Or if he dreads sitting through the instructors' presentations (which are always at best, very interesting, and at worst, utterly benign). Whatever the case, he just...won't do it. This year, in fact, he tried to float the following excuse: "C'mon, Derek's a Senior...do we reeeeallly have to check up on him?" Um...the short answer is ABSOLUTELY...so I guess that leaves me to be the Team WestEnders representative...as usual.
So we're back to the issue of the uneven parent/child ratio, of course. In an attempt to resolve the disparity, I jotted down both the 9th and 12th graders' daily agendas side-by-side, to help me figure out how to...divide and conquer, if you will. And guess what I discovered by doing so? For the most part, their core classes overlap (Math 1st period, English 4th, History 6th, etc.). Which also puts their...ahem..."fluffier" courses (Yeah, I believe they call those "electives"...) in the same time slots. In other words, I'd have no choice but to decide which important subjects to blow off, for each of them. Oy.
Derek happened to be with me in the kitchen while I attempted to puzzle this out, so he weighed in with his two-cents whenever I was waffling about which direction to go. Here's how it shook out when we rolled the...academic dice: 1) Riley's Math, since he'd expressed a bit of concern about it in the early part of the term; 2) Derek has his Study Period, and Riley has P.E...so I planned to skip both of them and wander the halls...hopefully not appearing guilty, like I was playing hooky (which I totally was...SHHHH, don't tell!); 3) APES (A.P. Environmental Science); 4) A.P. Lit (these won out due to the higher level of content and potential impact on college credit).
Oh, Heaven help me, I'm only halfway through the day? Okay, to continue: 5) Honors Drafting (Riley's--because again, he was feeling a little shaky about the topics and techniques that would be taught. And also, Derek had an intro to Graphic Design at this time...taught by one of the soccer coaches with whom we're both familiar, so it's safe to say I already felt reasonably comfortable with that whole setup...); 6) Derek's History class (simply because he talks about how much he likes this instructor, and how funny he is, All. The. Time...and I just couldn't pass up an opportunity to meet him for myself); and FINALLY 7) Riley's Biology (you guessed it--one more instance of the Freshman experiencing some "growing pains" as he adjusts to a particular educator's style of presenting the subject matter).
Whew! It's a darn good thing each mini-lecture is only 10 minutes--and I suspect this is for everyone's benefit, school staff and parents alike! As for the actual time spent parked in those unforgivingly...tush-numbing...student desks, it was mostly the standard stuff: "Here are my classroom policies, teaching methods, contact information, blah blah blah...." The only thing that broke up the routine--as anticipated--was Derek's American History teacher.
It just so happened that my "commute" between 5th and 6th periods was the longest walk of the evening, so I sauntered into the room a minute or two late. I tried to do this quietly, politely, and in a thoroughly non-disruptive manner, but Mr. C had other ideas. As I slid into a seat, he finished his sentence, then extended his arm, pointed at me, and boomed, "And whose parent are you?" (It's worth mentioning, here, that he's quite tall....and has a rather deep voice. Although he only seemed curious, rather than angry, it was a little daunting to be singled out and....interrogated...I'm not gonna lie.) "Oh well," I thought, "Better to just own up to it right away, I suppose." Therefore I admitted to being Derek's mother.
As for Mr. C...neither his tone nor his facial expression changed much, but he nodded in recognition and replied, "Ah, yes...Derek." He paused just a beat--barely long enough for me to begin wondering whether I was about to be congratulated on my fine son, in which case I'd offer a humble, brief expression of gratitude...or publicly chastised for his behavior/performance/attitude/what have you...for which I'd need to hastily prepare and deliver a sincere apology. Fortunately, he ended the (short-lived, mercifully) agony of suspense by continuing, "I'm glad he got that bug thing taken care of, right?" Oh. Good. Grief.
I burst into a (relieved) chuckle and agreed that yes, indeed, banishing the...little parasite problem...was a positive development...and then, thankfully, we were able to move on to other matters. (That's my darling son, the minor celebrity....siiiighhhh...) So anyway, Mr. C's entire chat was characterized by the same dry, humorous demeanor, sprinkled liberally with mild sarcasm and gently scathing social commentary. It was hi-lar-ious, I tell ya--as in, I continuously struggled not to laugh out loud and draw even more attention to myself. No wonder Derek loves the guy--I hope he keeps bringing home stories, so I can enjoy him vicariously this year!
It was an entertaining way to end my mock academic experience, no doubt. All in all, I left the school feeling enlightened and informed, which is, after all, the goal of these events. And for the moment, my parental duty is DONE...oh, for about a week...until October 4th, when they're holding a Financial Aid Workshop for parents whose kids are planning to attend college next year. Heeeyyyyy...it's totally Husband's turn--maybe I can get him to take this one...I'll just tell him it's an Open House...with finger sandwiches...and BEER! (I'm soooo off the hook, aren't I? Whoo hoo!)
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