A couple of weeks into the new school year seems like a pretty
good time to check in with Team WestEnders' resident Upperclassman, yeah? (You know,
BEFORE his inevitable, tragic case of Senioritis hits...any bets on how early
this will happen? I'm just keeping my fingers crossed we have at least until
the end of the first semester before we have to deal with this phenomenon...)
First off, regarding his classes, Derek reports--in his usual understated fashion--"Eh, they're...fine." He does become slightly animated when he describes
APES (aka "A.P. Environmental Science"), which he claims offers a whole lot of
propaganda to the effect of "It's our responsibility to Save the World!" along with a healthy
dose of "Everything Trump does is bad!" thrown in for good measure.
On a somewhat related note, he feels that his A.P. Lit course imparts "a constant stream
of liberal media"...which as your typical, non-politically-tuned-in,
somewhat-apathetic-to-world-affairs teenager, he swallows with a rather large
grain of salt.
And while we’re on the subject of his English hour, you might recall that
Derek was supposed to come into the fresh academic term having already completed not one, but
THREE readings during his Summer vacation? Not only that, but wait 'til you get a load of what these assigned gems were: Hamlet (okay, no problem, that’s a good one…); Their Eyes Were
Watching God (which I enjoyed, and he at least understood, but it didn’t really
resonate with an adolescent male, if you know what I mean…); and finally
(saving the most traumatic and difficult for last)…A (nonsensical) Portrait of
the Artist as a Young (painfully odd, self-tortured and unbalanced) Man, by
James (Freakin’) Joyce. (Can you guess how we felt about this particular..."masterpiece"? Oy.)
Now, I’m sure it won’t surprise you—or anyone who’s had the
pleasure of witnessing firsthand the youthful Summer brain in action…er, make
that “inertia”-- that Derek procrastinated until the last possible moments before cracking the spines on these collected works. However, complete them he did, even if it was just in the nick of
time. And believe it or not, he was even inspired to share a moment of insight, one morning just before school started,
when he commented to me, “I noticed a
theme among the 3 stories. The characters’ problems are all basically caused by
internal conflict, rather than external factors acting upon them.” Whoa! Where did THAT come from, dude? Oops, what I mean is “Hmm…I hadn’t thought about it that
way before...but I’d have to agree.” (Well played, son…I hereby proclaim you ready to
go forth and conquer the realm of…12th-grade literary circles…or
whatever…)
It turned out to be quite fortunate that he’d followed through on the task—heinous as he might have found it, interrupting his video games and
outdoor play, and other assorted leisure activities, and all—because the teacher gave a quiz on the second day of school, to check
up on what his students had managed to take away from the texts. (Whew!) That being said, Mr. H also admitted that he, himself,
finds Joyce to be somewhat…incomprehensible. So I suspect that this might be one of those
“just get through it” units--hopefully leading to something much better? Only
time will tell..
Okay, moving right along: in contrast, Derek LOVES his History
class--mainly because of his instructor. According to my child, Mr. C uses his pulpit and
captive audience to mock the kind of views that Derek lumps into the broad
category of "hippie Carrboro stuff"...which is something that Derek
and his friend group also tend to do on a regular basis. (So...um...yay?)
Next, let’s talk about something that happens every day in the
middle of all this…studying and whatnot. That’s right: lunch. Normally this activity wouldn’t even merit a footnote in the overall scheme of…life—after all, it’s
just a regularly scheduled event, in which I assume Derek congregates with his
friends, scarfs down as much food as possible, and hopefully doesn’t cause too
much trouble. All well and good...except that, evidently I was missing one crucial
piece of data. You see, at Riley’s soccer game the other night, a mom-friend,
whose sons and mine are buddies, mentioned that her eldest was under the
impression that “Derek and his gang leave campus for lunch”.
I had been nodding along up to now as she spoke--"Mm-hmm, I hear you"--but this little tidbit succeeded in completely derailing my attention. "Hold on...I'm sorry...what, now? This was breaking news to me, so I brought
it up with Derek later that night. “Oh, yeah,” he breezily replied, “We come
home at lunchtime.” And by “home” he means “Lou’s house”, where they apparently
hang out and eat until it’s time to head back for their next period. Huh. Well, that’s just…fascinating, dear. Just out of curiosity, at any point in time were you planning to, I don’t
know, INFORM YOUR PARENTS OF THIS DEVELOPMENT? You remember us, right? The ones
responsible for your well-being, safety, and behavior? The people who just
might be interested in knowing where you are, during the hours you’re supposed
to be incarcerated—or “at school”--learning and stuff?
“Sure, I was gonna tell you,” he said with an annoying smirk,
“when you asked.” (Must. Resist. Urge. To. Throw. Things. At. Offspring...) So, it seems like this would be an excellent opportunity to have a little
chat about how you’re technically still a minor, (for 7 more months…gulp) and
obligated to keep your mother and/or father in the loop as to your whereabouts
and shenanigans, blah blah blah. Most of all--and I cannot stress this enough--do NOT make me hear things from
someone ELSE’S Mom, okay? Thankyouverymuch…
So there you have it: all the current hot topics from a High
School Senior’s first few weeks…of his last year in K-12 education. All joking
aside, he’s—mostly—beyond the point where he needs much supervision for
navigating his…scholarly career. Oh, with the obvious exception of the college
application process, which is a whole different can of worms for another day. Yeah, and perhaps some extra practice with the “identifying and communicating crucial
life-details to your loving, concerned parents”…issue. But one thing I’m absolutely certain of is: no matter what happens, real life can’t help but make a HECK of a lot more sense than…James Joyce! And we don't even need Cliff Notes--so here we go, let's DO this!
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