Baby, you can drive my car (but NOT YET!)

Sometimes I feel like my kids are secretly watching my actions, evaluating my performance, and taking notes for use in the future. (Which can be a terrifying prospect in any number of ways--do they want to be just like Mom? Or report me to the authorities? Or perhaps just hold me accountable for my mistakes...then blackmail me to get some kind of reward...probably in the form of video game booty?) Of course, this can be a positive thing, when I'm modeling good behavior or trying to illustrate a point about "making good choices" (to use current popular educational lingo). Or it can totally backfire, like when they catch me in a bad habit that I forget to suppress around my impressionable offspring.

At least I worked in a school system for nine years prior to having children, so the anti-cursing routine is pretty well ingrained in me. (Although I must confess that I do let fly with more...colorful...language when not in the presence of young ears. Somehow "rats" or "fudgesicles" just don't do the trick when frustrated with the computer, or angry at the..."stupidhead"...who just cut me off in traffic.) Anyway, one such "teachable moment" came up last week in the car on the way to soccer practice. We were inching our way towards the fields, slowly and carefully navigating the long line of vehicles waiting to turn at the light, when Derek suddenly piped up from the backseat, "Mom, how did you get to be such a good driver?"

I was...momentarily stunned. I suppose he overlooks the fact that I'm easily irritated and impatient behind the wheel, and judges me on the basis of...what, exactly? That I don't get speeding tickets? (Excuse me a moment, must knock wood, right now. Okay, I'm good.) That I haven't caused any accidents? (A few minor fender benders before they were born, yes, but there's no reason for them to have that information, right? Shhh...) Maybe he simply meant that to him, cars appear to be enormously complicated machines...and I seem competent in operating all of the controls at the same time. I mean, sure, I can steer, brake, accelerate, turn on the lights, run the windshield wipers, utilize the turn signal (although I realize this is beyond the capabilities of many drivers in our area), manage the temperature...and locate an acceptable song on the radio. Oh, and I drive a manual transmission, so throw in the clutch and gearshift as well. Okay, so I guess it does look pretty doggone complex to a 12-year old.

Naturally, I answered him by first noting my many years of driving practice, under a wide variety of conditions, and the increased skill that comes with experience. I couldn't resist tossing in a comment about how important it is to pay attention to the road, and the other idiots--I mean "fellow drivers"--and not allow oneself to become distracted by other tasks or people. "It's fine to push the preset-buttons on the radio, or take a quick sip of your drink," I sternly stated, "but that's about it!" Then Riley chimed in, with a tone of great seriousness, "Sometimes you change the music...or take your hands off the wheel to put your hair up." He quickly added (as if he was afraid he'd offended me with his unflinching candor and keen powers of observation) "But you've been driving for a long time!" Slight pause, "And fixing your hair for a long time, too, so that's okay!" Oops. Soooo busted. He kindly refrained from mentioning the other instance in which I--only for a second, mind you--steer with my knees: when I need two hands to remove the lid from a water bottle and take a sip. (All I can say is: lucky for me they weren't around to spy on me traveling all over the U.S. in my 20s...alone...opening Diet Dr. Peppers and straightening my ponytail and scribbling notes to myself...while traversing the highways of our great nation...) Darn my sharp-eyed, detail-oriented children! Clearly I had forgotten a basic, critical rule of parenting--Always assume they miss NOTHING! (And the equally-important corollary: Cover your...tracks... accordingly. That is how it goes, right?)

At this point I could see no other recourse than to humbly admit that sometimes adults aren't perfect, (Shoot! I was hoping to foster this illusion for a few more years!) and that kids shouldn't always mimic their parents' every move without judging for themselves if it's the best course. Yes, that was a painful Mom Moment. Hopefully, we'll all learn something valuable from this...for the boys, to start internalizing safe rules-of-the-road and sensible decision-making...and for me, to begin demonstrating the driving skills of a model citizen, at once! That is, at least when I have young passengers along for the ride...