A Major Crisis!!!! (Averted : )

Let me first say: I can't believe I'd made it this long without suffering a massive computer-related trauma. I've been blessed with excellent cyber-health--which of course was too good to last! My laptop, which is only a year old, has never been the speediest of little machines. But it has done it's best to chug along for me as I surf and type and play. First it gave me warnings that it wasn't feeling well. It froze. It kicked me off. It locked me out. It shut down. Technological coughs and sniffles, if you will. Then the other day it just...stopped. All the pretty little pictures were there, and the cursor happily jogged around when I moved it, but nothing happened. I actually had to break down and call one of those geek-computer-doctors who make house calls! The first technician I called gravely listened as I explained all the "symptoms", then informed me, in a voiced reserved for speaking to the parents of terminally-ill machines, that I had a malevolent virus that had infected my registry and (cue terrifying music) was multiplying! But for just the low, low price of $249, he would clean it up for me! Fortunately, I didn't hire this quack. The calm, pleasant man who did examine the patient later that night had my laptop up and running in approximately 10 minutes. Turns out, it was merely a "memory shortage", and I could order some more right away for about...thirty dollars. Lack of memory I can understand! And sympathize with! Now if only I had an extra chip to plug into my own brain, all of my memory problems would truly be solved!