On the plus side...

Well, friends, it looks like April is (checks calendar, not trusting self to accurately nail down slippery concepts like "dates" anymore) yep, almost over...which means we've just about survived another month of this...coronavirus-takeover-situation. So first let me shout from the rooftops: YAY, US! For following the rules required to keep ourselves and others safe, for doing all the difficult, not-fun things experts say will help us eventually thwart the dastardly wee bug, and mostly for hanging in there and getting through each day as best we can: one ginormous global socially-distant totally safe virtual high five coming out to each and every one of you. 

Of course, given those factors I just mentioned, it’s no surprise that…not much has changed over the past several weeks...and frankly, life isn't all that exciting right now. Therefore (partially in order to bolster my own sanity, tbh) I’ve decided that today’s topic for reflection shall revolve around “tiny bright spots”--things that recently have provided just a smidgen of joy to counteract the onslaught of constant dire news and chilling statistics which have unfortunately become such a part of our daily existence.

First of all, some light and fluffy entertainment (because who doesn’t need a dose of THAT right now, yeah?). Remember that book of brain teaser puzzles I bought several weeks ago? The boys happened upon me peacefully sitting in my office one day, concentrating on filling in some of the answers…and instantly wanted a piece of the action. (As competitive young men will do. It's a game? They're IN! Wait, is there a prize?) So, picking through to identify some of the more...generationally relevant ones...I challenged them with quizlets like these:

1.   AHAB: initials of 2 famous people; one killed the other

2.   Guess the item based on 3 clues: In 2008 many baseball fans were disgusted when a photo surfaced depicting Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez using one of these as a napkin. In the film “National Treasure”, Nicolas Cage uses one of these to determine the time of day that a shadow cast from Independence Hall would point to a secret location. As of 1869, this is the highest-valued unit of currency in U.S. circulation.

Ah, nerd family bonding time…can’t beat it!

And speaking of wholesome amusement, one diversion that luckily has been available to lift one’s spirits is the fabulous “get the heck outside” option. With the arrival of glorious Spring weather, running, walking, and biking have provided a welcome escape—literally—from the indoor doldrums. Even better, the nearby Fleet Feet came up with a brilliant idea for some special Runner’s Boxes, filled with goodies centered around a theme, and offered with contactless curbside pickup. 

Needless to say, the java-related one practically screamed my name. And as an unexpected but thoroughly welcome surprise, when I went to the store to retrieve my treasures, I was met by none other than the woman in charge of the Wednesday night pub runs I regularly attend (pre-and-post-pandemic, naturally). So, awesome shirt/locally roasted coffee/workout fuel/mug…plus the opportunity to chat with someone I obviously hadn’t seen in a while (appropriately separated)…that’s definitely a Win/Win!

Next, related to that whole notion of “leaving the house”, it seems like the Male Trio—who mostly have been coping admirably well—lately might be developing a bit of an…itch to wander, so to speak. For example, Riley earnestly approached me the other day and announced that he would be making a trip to the grocery store, “to give you a break, because you do it all the time”. After approximately 1.5 seconds he wryly added, “And besides, I need to get out for a bit.” Oh trust me, I understand, child! 

Then there was the every-3-weeks-or-so expedition to Costco, a chore which routinely falls to Husband; however, this time he invited/coerced Derek to join him for the company…and probably moral support, as one can never really predict what that place is going to be like on a so-called normal day, much less during an extended episode of Hoarders: the toilet paper and hand soap edition. Upon their return they reported that all of the mandated public safety measures were being properly implemented, and their experience was…fine. (Which in the grand scheme of things can absolutely be classified as one of those “small victories”!)

This leads me to something completely silly  that nevertheless made me happy last week. Due to a combination of factors—such as having to buy extra food with both kids here and all 4 of us at home more than usual, thereby racking up the Harris Teeter Fuel Rewards points…driving less because of so many things being closed…and almost unbelievably low gas prices…I was able to completely fill my tank...for under $20. That just pleased me waaaay more than it should have, but like I said, ya gotta focus on the positive wherever you can find it at the moment, amiright?

Aaannnd, what lockdown post would be complete without an installment of the esteemed reality show we like to call The Continuing Adventures the Goofball Brothers. While they do still have assignments to keep on top of, they have most assuredly found themselves with an unprecedented (GAH! Sorry!) amount of free time not typically afforded them during the academic year. As such, they’ve been taking advantage of the bonus togetherness in a variety of ways. Such as storming into my workspace and staging a mock argument at top volume, in order to get me to stop what I’m doing and yell at them to knock it off. Siiighhhhh…. (I’m just kidding—they only do it when they’re sure I’m not, you know, on a video call with colleagues or something. So it’s kind of a hilarious break from whatever mundane task I happen to be doing at the time…but I’m not telling them that, okay? Heaven only knows what they’d do with actual encouragement to be all dramatic and whatnot. Let’s just not go there…)

And finally, when they’re not busy harassing me, they’ve re-instituted a heartwarming practice: collaborating on the PlayStation, mostly with Lego Marvel games. Well…on second thought, that makes it sound far more...harmonious...than it often turns out to be. In practice, although they’re supposed to be cooperating as a team to defeat whatever villain is currently menacing their characters, what actually appears on the screen seems to involve a great deal of...running amok, chasing each other, sabotaging one another’s efforts…and very little triumphing over evil and whatnot. Oh, and copious amounts of trash-talking, barking advice (which is overwhelmingly ignored), and exasperation when whatever flimsy, incomprehensible plan they invented inevitably fails to attain their goals. Yeah…it’s a real HOOT, y’all.

Anyway, it's been very satisfying to refocus my scattered pandemic-ridden mental space and share a few smile-inducing moments that have cheered Team WestEnders of late...so thanks for tagging along. And who knows--perhaps May will bring better tidings in the planet-wide fight to crush COVID. Let's all keep our fingers crossed...and in the meantime, stay safe and well, amigos!

Growing Older (but not up?)

This week provided a stark lesson that—even in the midst of something like, oh, let’s say “a global pandemic” that feels like it’s been hanging around forever at this point—time does continue to march onward…whether we’re quite ready for it to or not, in some cases. Specifically, I’m talking about the fact that my oldest child reached somewhat of a milestone birthday recently, as he turned 20…left his teenage years behind…and entered a brand new decade of his young life. 

Being the one who, you know, brought him into this world and all (and given my well-documented penchant for emotional melodrama when I feel the situation warrants) I of course experienced a moment of reckoning, in which I may have shrieked “HOW can this BE? My baby is all grown up!” while clutching my heart and gasping convulsively. (You’ll no doubt be relieved to hear that this was a very brief period—we all got through it and moved on. Translation: Derek snickered appreciatively at my histrionics, everyone else smirked and shook their head resignedly…and I eventually came to grips with the situation.)

Putting all of that aside for the moment, we had to figure out how to properly celebrate…as best we could…given the current state of the planet (gestures wildly to indicate “out there”). As it turns out, this actually could be viewed as an unexpected boon for Derek, depending on how you look at it. I mean, last year he was away from home on his special day for the first time in his life. So he got cards in the mail…and I sent him a box of treats…but then by the time his semester was over, April was a distant memory. In short, not much hoopla for becoming 19.

However, in 2020 coronavirus has him hunkering down with us at Casa WestEnders, so we decided to try and make it as memorable as possible. This began with squeezing some gift ideas out of him—a task that’s notoriously difficult with either of my sons. To try and head off the inevitable procrastinating that’s a hallmark of his ultra-laid-back personality, this time I gave him a hard deadline. I used the excuse that, even though we’re spoiled by Amazon Prime, these days the 2-day shipping we usually take for granted is anything BUT a given (for frivolous items outside the “hand soap and toilet paper realm”, at least).

So naturally I STILL had to stalk him at the exact cutoff hour I’d designated, and demand his Wish List. Even then, my concentrated efforts weren’t enough to guarantee smooth sailing, since I placed one order with multiple items, explicitly stated that they should consolidate and send them together…and yet they trickled in over the course of the next week. Oh well, I tried!

Next, he got to choose what he wanted for his birthday dinner. Not surprisingly, he opted for steak (which Husband hardly ever cooks) and potatoes. My department is desserts, so I asked what he’d like in terms of cake-like-delicacies. With no hesitation, he stated, “Chocolate, with buttercream icing.” But after a moment’s additional thought, he tacked on, “Just…nothing weird, okay? No kale, or beets, or beans hiding in there.” There was even an adorably hilarious scene where he and his brother—brimming with mock indignation--searched the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers, peering into the refrigerator and freezer, looking for potentially offensive produce that I could hide in otherwise innocent pastries. 

I feigned outrage, as if such a treacherous thought would NEVER occur to me…but what can I say? The kid’s had 20 years to be a guinea pig for my little tricks—er, “the lucky recipient of my (mostly) delicious experiments”--so yeah, I promised him no vegetables lurking in his baked goods (note the very careful choice of words. It will pop back up later…mwah hah hah!)  

Another one of our traditions is to allow the celebrant to pick where we go out for a restaurant meal. (Which for us is a rare occurrence, lending it all the excitement and anticipation of some kind of super-fancy event. Like I’ve said many times, we’re a pretty easily amused bunch…) Obviously this year we’d have to modify that plan a bit, but there are still plenty of local eateries offering takeout, so at least we’d get to savor food prepared by someone else, even if it was in our own living room. When I posed the question to Derek, I’d hardly gotten the words out of my mouth before he blurted, “Chipotle!” Alrighty, then…nothing too lavish for my very down-to-earth dude, which actually sounds about right…so, burrito bowls all around! (Yum!)

Oh, and the aforementioned sweets? I produced the devil’s food delight, as instructed (from a box, but he knows that, so it’s all above-board), with homemade frosting. And everyone proclaimed it utterly scrumptious…so I felt confident enough to reveal my secret AFTER they’d tasted it and formed their opinions without bias. You see, while watching Food Network one day (as one does), I saw a chef introduce a 2-ingredient baking hack, making a cake by adding ONLY a can of pureed pumpkin to the dry mix, to replace the eggs, water, and oil. I remember being skeptical at the time, but also deviously excited to test it out on my own beloved fam.

Yeah, yeah, the boys were predictably incensed—I had to endure an interlude of yelling, in which they castigated me for going behind their backs yet again, aired their grievances about “this is why they can’t trust me”, blah blah blah. Yet after they’d had their 5 minutes to vent (thank goodness, as always, that they have stereotypical male temperaments and get over things so quickly) I calmly asked them if they’d been able to tell that I snuck in a hidden ingredient. They grudgingly admitted it had gone utterly unnoticed. Follow-up question: was it tasty? They conceded that it was.

So to sum up: I didn’t lie, exactly (since pumpkin is a FRUIT. Sure, it’s a technicality, but I’m clinging to it as my ironclad…and only…defense…). Plus, my teensy…subterfuge…didn’t affect your enjoyment of your birthday goodies--which need I remind you were crafted with love by your mother. Ahem…why don’t we just call this a Win/Win, and as your favorite Disney princess would advise us, “Let it Go”, okay?

Anyway, well-intentioned deception notwithstanding, I think we managed to do a pretty decent job of making the kiddo feel extra-loved and appreciated during his bday week o’fun. And hey, he’s got magnets and a mobile charger for the car he regularly drives…although he can’t actually GO anywhere….but he can enjoy the heck out of his new video games while he’s stuck in the house. Besides, we’re still nibbling away at the leftover cake, so all-in-all, a successful kickoff to the first full decade of adulthood. (Gulp…nope—on second thought, pass the sugar and leave that twisted path for another post, at a preferably muuuch later date! Whew!)

Making it up as we go along, folks...

Like everyone else alive on Planet Earth during the COVID Era (because I think we can all agree that by now, regardless of what the actual calendar might say, the "real feel" of this crisis can be measured in years, rather than months, and therefore deserves its own, named period in history, yeah? You know, like the Jurassic..or, um, The Dark Ages....) we here in Casa WestEnders are striving to figure out ways to keep ourselves busy and entertained. And with so many options off the table due to social distancing recommendations and governmental shutdowns, we've been forced to get creative with our fun. (Chilling with friends? Nope! Going out to eat? Nuh uh! Group workouts? Fuhgeddaboutit! Zoom calls with fam? Siiiighhhh.....fiiiiinnnnne, I loathe the phone, but if it's the ONLY way to keep in touch...) Fortunately, it turns out we're pretty easily amused, as evidenced by the following activities that occurred over the past week:

Because the...reading...must go on (that's the saying, right? Eh, in this house it is...) I used some of my extra spare time to figure out how to borrow ebooks from our local library. Now, before you think "Jeez, lady, are you a total luddite? Get with the 21st century already!" let me explain. If I remember correctly, I tried this a couple of years ago, and at that time Kindle was being very snooty about cooperating with any platform other than Amazon--thereby rendering it difficult or impossible to actually connect with an outside institution and download a title.

For whatever reason, however, they seem to have gotten the heck over themselves, and in a few short minutes I was able to browse Chapel Hill's collection, select a novel, check it out, choose my preferred format, and have it sent to my tablet. (Yay!)

While I was on a roll, I also used my membership privileges to access the Kindle Lending Library and snag a backup bonus story, just in case. And then, because you can never have too many things in your TBR pile, as I always* say (*never once have said in my entire life before now), I got all fancy and contacted a nearby independent bookshop for a couple of tales I've had my eye on, which they kindly arranged to be shipped directly to my house. I might have gone a little overboard, sure...but at least I'll be well-read? And kept out of trouble? (On second thought, let's not get crazy and expect too much, okay? I honestly can't make any promises at this point...)

As for the boys, they've resorted to various methods to keep from going stir-crazy. One of these, for example, involved the basketball hoop in the driveway, combined with the set of miniature football goalposts...for some kind of nonsense competition that seemed to include lots of attempts at trick shots...and copious amounts of trash talking (and laughter...and a little blood--but whatever, everyone survived. And I soooo wish I had photo documentation, but I don't, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it...and visualize the ridiculousness. I trust you to use your imaginations....).

For a less boisterous endeavor, Riley began tuning in with me during the nightly Jeopardy broadcasts, although he wasn't that engaged in the beginning, due to the questions not being particularly age-appropriate. BUT, then the College Tournament started, which was thoroughly game-changing. Suddenly he was able to join me in the time-honored tradition* of shouting out answers, congratulating oneself for possessing arcane tidbits of information....and, of course, complimenting, reprimanding, and/or taunting the players for their performances. (*as it was done by my family during my formative years)

Eventually, after we'd tempted Derek to get in on the circus--um, "contest"--with the assurance that "they usually have sports stuff, so you'd totally clean up!" he deigned to sit in on a show one night. And participated by yelling random facts, usually obscure and unrelated in any comprehensible way to the category at hand. Well...frankly I should have seen that coming. Suffice it to say he's been eliminated from the proceedings, presented with his lovely parting gift* (*a swift kick in the rear on his way out), and dismissed from the living room. Ha!

In a completely different realm of media distraction, we've had to compensate for the unprecedented (sorry to beat a dead word even further into the ground) lack of televised sports. It's gotten to the point that even Derek--my diehard fan of all things involving grown men (or students) throwing, catching, hitting, dribbling, running with, or shooting a ball--huffed out of the family room one day complaining that he was fed up with ESPN's coverage of...nothing but LeBron James and Tom Brady, apparently.

Fortunately, there's Disney+ to take up the slack, so we've been able to give some favorites another screening (mostly Marvel...and Frozen 2). And this past Saturday night, because he couldn't get together with his buddies like he usually would, he hung out with the 'rents and we all enjoyed an evening with...Zombieland. (What? Are you suggesting that a darkly humorous, profanity-laced, gruesome film about a post-apocalyptic world overrun by the undead doesn't constitute wholesome family bonding? Eh, it worked for the 3 adults in the household [Riley, who would have hated it anyway, having gone to bed already]).

Speaking of the pals from whom they're separated, I've witnessed both of the lads using technology to their advantage during the pandemic. When I pass by either of their rooms during the day (or even late night, for the nocturnal college kid) I might hear Riley's voice chatting on the phone with his AP Chemistry lab partner, or Derek FaceTiming with his North or South Carolina crews. So at least they're getting to stay connected to a certain degree--and yes, I've taken the opportunity to remind them how indescribably lucky they are to have this capability...because if this whole situation had happened while I was in school, in the desperate age before mobile networks or the internet...there'd be a whole lot of sitting in their rooms staring at the walls and interacting with only us...and believe me, NONE of us would come through that in very good shape.

In the midst of all this, Easter tried to sneak up on us--but luckily I caught it in time, and made a stealth run to Target to procure supplies. Now, I'm well aware that my sons are technically waaaayyy too old for the Bunny Basket Bonanza...but this year, in particular, it just felt like the occasion provided us with a bona fide excellent excuse for some joyful surprises...and candy...to lift our spirits. So I chuckled my way through the shopping excursion (6 feet away from every other customer and employee at all times, naturally).

With wild abandon (I'm out in public--wheee!) I tossed must-haves (Hazelnut Spread M&Ms, anyone?) and fortuitous finds (stuffed amphibian for Riley, who's been a frog aficionado since he was a wee tot...and Olaf pillow pet for Derek? Are you kidding me? My self-proclaimed Disney hype-beast who's seen both movies more times than I have? Clearly these are No. Brainers.) into my cart, relishing the idea of setting them out after everyone went to bed, since they weren't expecting anything at all on Sunday morning. Oh, and since we have so many more leisure hours at home these days, to spend with each other, I ordered a couple of diversions from Barnes & Noble (contact-less curbside pickup FTW) for us to try out in the coming quarantine weeks.

And you know what? The Male Trio were just as pleased and startled as I'd hoped they'd be. Like a true college dude, Derek immediately broke open his jelly beans, proclaiming them a lovely breakfast. Riley happily relocated his new mascot to his desk, to keep him company during work times. Husband put forth a reasoned argument that Oreos were somehow a health food and could therefore be consumed without guilt in the a.m. (which no one was going to refute anyway). And I had somehow managed to overlook buying a spare bag of the Dove dark chocolate eggs, so I purloined a few when people weren't paying attention to me. (Shhhh! I'll get some on the clearance shelf next time I go out, and no one needs to know, 'kay?)

So there you have it: our clan's attempts to stave off cabin-fever, avoid getting on each other's nerves TOO much, and manufacture recreation. The way I see it, we might eventually end up slightly smarter...with encyclopedic knowledge of the Disney film catalog...and vastly enhanced IT skills...but also a sugar addiction that needs to be addressed...and/or scars from an ill-advised DIY driveway sportsball stunt. Stay tuned!

Week...oh, whatever...is anyone even keeping track of time anymore?

Well, here we are again...pretty much maintaining the holding pattern we've been in since, oh, what feels like the dawn of time--or, you know, "early March". While I'm ecstatic to report that Team WestEnders made it though that aforementioned hellmonth in good health, like everyone else at this point I'm weary of the (unfortunately necessary) Shelter in Place restrictions hovering over all our heads like an unwelcome raincloud waiting to shower us with...malignant droplets of doom...or whatever.

But at least in challenging times like these, it's comforting to establish and stick to a routine of sorts, right? I mean, that's what the "experts" who have our "best interests at heart" are all yammering about in an effort to "keep our spirits up" and "bolster our mental health". Okay, then, let's give this a whirl...looking back on my past week as a newish member of the WFH Club (which has grown exponentially since this all started--waves enthusiastically to other recent inductees), what kinds of patterns emerge?


Sometime between 6:45 and 7:30 a.m.: (reluctantly opens one eye, peers fuzzily at clock) "Hmm, what day is it? (thinks hard, may or may not come up with correct answer) "Fine, let's narrow it down: is it a 'coordinate outfit, brush hair, slap on enough makeup to transform from zombie to live human'...situation?" (if no: get up, but remain in pjs; if yes: put in enough effort to not frighten colleagues on potential Skype calls)

5 minutes after rising: All. The. Coffee. (and scroll through emails, social media, virus updates, signs of the apocalypse, blah blah blah...)

This stage lasts right up until the next one, which is: "Damn it, how is it 9:00 already? I'm supposed to be logging in now." (throws on some athleisure wear, concealer, and blush. remembers at the last second to ponytail the messy tresses)

9:05-ish: (connects work computer, refreshes Outlook, despairs at the inbox full of COVID-related material...decides it's a fabulous opportunity for more java)

9:10: (shuffles into kitchen, stops short at the unexpected crowd, brandishes empty mug whilst glaring daggers at these blasted interlopers...ahem..."beloved family") "Why is everyone here right now? Where did you all even come from? Don't you have anywhere else in the house you could be? Most importantly, get out of my way, and make a path to the Keurig!" (note to self: apologize later for morning tantrum. blame under-caffeination...or corona...or any other excuse that occurs to me...)

9:30: "Hey, breakfast time!"

9:45--noon: (performs job tasks in home office, where laptop happens to be located in front of a window...which leads to alternating bouts of productivity...and distraction by the ceaseless wonders of the Great Outdoors) "Ooh, one of the hawks just flew by! And what was that? Eh, just a squirrel. Wow, the leaves are really starting to come in now. Hey, that bush didn't have flowers yesterday! There goes a beautiful butterfly! Lots of pollen on the porch; maybe I should take a break and go sweep..."

12:00: "Wouldja look at that, it's time for another meal, yay! Wait a minute...what do you MEAN we're out of produce AGAIN? Didn't I just go to the supermarket yesterday? And the day before that--whatever the hell day that was?" (I swear, I live with a buncha savage...bunnies!  Or something like that...clearly I'm losing it...)

12:15--2: (navigates various interruptions by coworkers) "Hey, Mom, are you going to the grocery store later? Can you add something to the list?" (Riley) "What are you DOING in here?" (Derek, poking his head in while I'm practicing Spanish on the Duolingo website during some downtime) "Here, look at this joke so-and-so just texted me! Isn't that hilarious?" (Husband)

2:00: (does a final message cleanup, jots down a quick To Do List for tomorrow--wait, is tomorrow another weekday? Oh for the love of...(checks calendar to confirm). Yes, right: things to tackle on what I now understand to be WEDNESDAY...aaannnd, shuts it down for the day.)

2:15: "Whew, what's next?" (glances at Garmin) "I only have...1,500 steps so far? How is that even possible?" (oh, yeah: not doing laps in the Family Medicine building to get to the restroom, break room, other people's cubicles, etc.)

2:30: "Guess I'll be taking a quick stroll around the block to boost that number to a more reasonable level." (ventures out into neighborhood, enjoys fresh air, activity, and seeing other folks doing the same thing...from a safe distance of at least 6 feet--quarantine strong, baby!)

3:00: "Yep, I've totally earned a nap." (whether or not this is strictly true, I go ahead and lie down for an hour anyway, because...I say I'm allowed, so there.)

4:00: "That was exactly what I needed. Maybe take a peek at the old internet and see what's new? NOPE, that's quite enough of the hellfire and brimstone calamity and catastrophe thankyouverymuch." (opts to peruse funny memes, gaze at spectacular nature photos, and watch video clips of adorable baby animals, small children's antics, amusing comedians, and talented singers instead. feels blood pressure and heart rate decreasing, muscles unclenching, and breathing deepening while doing so. aaahhhhh.....)

4:30: (gathers courage and centers oneself for...a brief expedition to whatever emporium o'food I haven't been to in the last couple of days, to see what salad and fruit items I can scare up before the next dining hour. It always feels like a game of roulette these days (but definitely not in the entertaining way) to see what they're going to have, and what will have been cleared from the shelves by panicked hordes of stockpiling shoppers. Whoo hoo! Said no one...

5:00: (some kind of workout, for the obvious physical benefits, of course, but also to release some heightened anxiety, nervous energy, and pent-up restlessness from...so much extra time spent in my house...surrounded by my cherished clan, to be honest. Sure, I love them dearly, don't get me wrong--it's just a LOT for all of us, right now!)

6, or 7, or...whenever: dinner, hopefully using some of the fresh vegetables I was able to obtain from my quest. (Or you know what? I'm an adult, I can have dessert first if I dang well please. Cookies or carrots? Depends on the day, frankly...)

Post meal--around 10: mindless TV...read...until boredom sets in..."I should do something creative!" (wracks brain to figure out what that might be...and whether I in fact have the motivation and/or brainpower to attempt a craft or puzzle)...50/50 chance I give up and return to one of the previous, less demanding options.

10--11: "Shoot, I'm still short of my daily goal--I need more steps!" (because even a global pandemic is no excuse for laziness. KIDDING! I don't really believe this...I'm just SUPER stubborn and refuse to cut myself any slack, so there's that...)

11:30: "Oh, thank heavens, it's bedtime." (brain: HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, honey, we call these the very special Spiral Hours, where ALL of the unhelpful worries you've managed to squish down into a harmless, manageable ball during your conscious time can take advantage of your vulnerable state, grow huge spikes, and attack your weakened drowsy defenses! Soooo, let's have some F-U-N with that, shall we?)

Some unknown time: (falls into slumber at last)

And then...suck it up, buttercup, 'cuz we're gonna do it all again! Wheeeee!

Now, please keep in mind that all of the events portrayed here--while taken from my current reality--are as always subject to my own particular brand of exaggeration and embellishment. So yeah, the takeaway is we're fine, coping as well as can be expected...and doing the best we can to nurture a sense of humor about the whole...state of the world, and all. Fingers crossed that April treats us a whole lot better than its predecessor. Until then, I leave you with these words of encouragement: if you can just manage not to confuse the "anything goes" with the "must wear pants" days, then you are KILLING IT, my friends!

Definitely using their powers for good (this time, at least)

So hey, here's a topic unrelated to the current messed-up COVID situation, for once--something that provided me abundant entertainment over the past week, which I thought I'd share for your amusement as well. Background: obviously Derek has been cut loose from college for the duration of the global health crisis, so he's at home with fewer academic demands and thus more empty free time. Add to that the absence of all sports and, well, you have a situation ripe for boredom...or ingenuity.

So, he and a buddy (we'll just call him G) got the idea to collaborate on a Spotify playlist that they could then offer up to the rest of their friend group. The theme...Disney songs. And then, as D and G discussed the relative merits and/or drawbacks of each possibility, it dawned on them that this could grow into something even bigger...leading them to create their own substitute for the NCAA basketball tournament that won't be taking place this year.

They called it March Magic, and replaced the hoops teams with those Disney ditties I mentioned. The way I understand the steps: first they debated which tunes to include in the field of 64. Then they separated them into 4 "quads" of 16 songs, which they sorted from top to bottom. Next they divided them into the geographic regions...and let a computer finish assigning the final rankings, to introduce an element of randomization to the proceedings. Finally, they calculated the odds for each matchup...like they were some kind of big-time Vegas betting operation, or something. (Because their cute little project had blown up by this point, with people taking it much more seriously than its humble beginnings would seem to warrant--and the boys had gleefully picked up the ball...and were running with it...)

By now I'd been oriented to what was happening, because Derek couldn't contain his enthusiasm for what they were crafting, and wanted to share it with someone who'd appreciate the effort. And I've gotta say...I was somewhat in awe of the whole thing. From the original concept, to the amount of work involved, the level of detail and commitment, the complicated and multi-layered analysis required...heck, even the MATH was impressive! (That Statistics class paying dividends, baby! You love to see it...)

After all the hours of prep and "Committee Meetings" (I'm not even kidding, that's what they called it when D and G video chatted with each other. It was freakin' adorable...)...they went live with the voting, on Instagram. And you know what? When I saw the final version, I found myself with some VERY strong opinions. (Which surprises absolutely no one...including me...) For example, I had...thoughts...about some of the selections...seedings...and head-to-head battles that were set up between a mixture of very iconic...somewhat worthy...or downright forgettable musical numbers. In short, I knew I had to get in on this thing.

So I requested to follow G, and began the routine of checking every day for the results, and the opportunity to choose the next round's winners. It didn't take long at all for me to realize that in many cases I...profoundly disagreed with the rest of the participants. (I MAY have been heard yelling "I. Am. INCENSED!" at one...or more...junctures during the contests. And I make no apologies for that...) Fortunately, I live with 1/2 of the Committee, so I was able to express my displeasure (to his grinning face, as he reveled in the controversy he'd helped cause. Brat.) on a daily basis. A sample of my...concerns...includes:

--How could people NOT  vote for Frozen I and II? These are arguably among the best songs ever written for Disney, so what, exactly, is wrong with this demographic, that they don't understand, or don't accept, this point of view, which is clearly the only correct one (and also incidentally, "mine")?
--Life is a Highway? Reeeeallly? It's Rascal Flatts covering Tom Cochrane, for crying out loud, not a Disney masterpiece in any way, shape, or form!.
--Of all the stellar options from Lion King...Hakuna Matata? Sure, it's funny, and catchy, and cute. But it is by no means the best composition on that soundtrack, so WHY ARE YOU ALL PICKING IT TO WIN?
--And while we're at it, what the WHAT with Mulan? I mean, it's a perfectly fine film and all, but the music? Totally unmemorable, as far as I'm concerned. As I explained it to D, if I see the title on the page, and I can't immediately hear it playing in my head (with me singing along, obvs), I just can't bring myself to move it along in the tournament. While Hercules, on the other hand, boasts a soundtrack stacked with quality offerings, many of which didn't make the cut, and none of the ones that did performed particularly well.
--Oh, and that reminds me of another possibly unpopular notion about which I refuse to be swayed: Tangled is one of the most underrated Disney flicks of all time. It could have had several other representatives in the competition, rather than the token one that made it--which again, isn't even the top choice from the movie.

Aaaannnyway, despite my...disgruntlement with people's poor decisions...it was fascinating to be an insider in this whole endeavor. For starters, I was privy to the breaking news in terms of voting trends, upset alerts, unexpected outcomes, and early reporting of results. But I also had unparalleled access to my own analyst, with whom, it turned out, I could engage in deeply philosophical discussions about topics like how a song was "thematically important" and therefore of higher value than one that "didn't contribute to character development". (Not exaggerating. It got intense up in here, guys...) At one point I even remember exclaiming something along the lines of, "Sure, When I'm Older is an awesome Olaf scene, but Show Yourself is Elsa trying to figure out who she's supposed to be...it's the emotional center of the film!" (And then we paused...and howled, because we're passionately pouring ourselves into...critiquing cartoons, y'all. Eh, this probably counts for Remote Learning in some manner of speaking, right? Yeah, let's go with that...)

When the dust settled, the overall #1 seed, as identified by D and G waaay back in the beginning, did end up being crowned champion. I, of course, took exception to...pretty much the entire sequence of how this all played out, so in a moment of inspiration, Derek suggested I fill out my own bracket, choosing exactly the way I wanted, to see what would happen. And I'm not gonna lie, there were some tough picks to be made along the way, and some heartbreaking losses (metaphorically of course, because...mermaids and magical princesses and demigods and talking animals and whatnot). But in the end, I have to admit it was extremely satisfying to be the sole judge, in charge of every conquest or defeat, and to raise my own victor to the podium. In completely predictable fashion--unlike what actually transpired when the "public" was invited to join--the prize went to a gorgeous, stirring, anthemic, critically meaningful little number from...Frozen II.

This whole shebang provided so much enjoyment that the lads decided to wrap it up with a podcast, in which they recorded themselves chatting about various aspects of the enterprise (because of COURSE they did. Oh, and did I forget to mention...I appeared as a Special Guest Analyst to rant about stuff--I mean "share my insights". Apparently we all take our shenanigans very much to heart around here...). In fact, it went so well that there's already talk about doing another one, with a different theme. Hey, in these nutty times, if this is what they're doing to...supplement their education...who am I to argue? Perhaps with my proximity to one of the Heads of Operations, I can score myself a spot on the planning board for next time...mwah hah hah!

Week 2: wait, we have to keep doing this?

As the coronavirus scenario continues to unfold with updated information every day (much of it terrifying and panic-inducing), Team WestEnders had been striving to establish and maintain a healthy routine, whilst simultaneously doing our best to comply with the ever-expanding stay-at-home decrees.

For Husband...well, nothing much has changed, frankly. Each morning he still logs into his company computer, conducts meetings with his distantly-located colleagues, and appears to be engaging in business as usual amidst the global chaos. The only thing that really differs from his typical work-from-home experience is that whenever he steps away from his desk...there are people around him to commune with...sort of like his own personal catch-up-at-the-water cooler situation, which he hasn't had since we moved to NC and he stopped driving to an office 5 days a week. 

Then there's Derek, for whom this was the first week of the new "online learning" model he's going to be using for the remainder of the semester. Although details were sketchy at first, it turns out that this will involve a variety of different techniques, depending on the class. For example, he'll complete modules for Stats and Speech, at his own pace and on his own time, as long as he makes sure to submit the assignments by the deadlines the professors set. In contrast, his Chem and History instructors are incorporating an interactive component, for which he'll have to actually join a discussion or lecture at an appointed time, and participate like he would if he were on campus. Not surprisingly, given his personality, he seems to be just...rolling with it. Of course, a plethora of questions still remain, such as how they're going to handle grading...finals...advising and registering for next year's courses...completion of his last Capstone Scholarship requirements...but presumably these wrinkles will be ironed out in the weeks to come...fingers crossed...

Meanwhile Riley's STILL on his Bonus Spring Break and won't officially have to get back into the swing of things...such as it is...until next Monday. As he understands it, at that point he'll have a similar setup to his brother's, with tasks he'll have to access through the school system's portal, tackle whenever he wants, and "turn in" for his teachers to evaluate. Oh, and before this is even off the ground, the governor weighed in this week and informed us that he's taking the initiative to keep K-12 schools shut down until at least May 15th. So let's hope this whole "virtual education whosawhatchit runs smoothly, yeah. Ay yi yi...

Speaking of executive decisions and whatnot, Orange county (where we live) just today followed others in our area (Wake, Durham, etc.) and issued a Stay at Home order. Honestly, though, the towns of Chapel Hill and Carrboro--as well as local entities acting on their own-- had already taken measures to limit in-person shopping and congregating. Many "non-essential" establishments had gone ahead and voluntarily closed, while stores that were able had moved to a curbside pickup arrangement, and restaurants had begun offering only takeout and delivery options. So I don't think this will affect much that hasn't previously been put in place to try to keep people safe. (Except of course that no one's getting a haircut anytime soon--yikes!)

Finally, yours truly spent my job-hours at in the house this week for the first time as well, which was...kind of weird. I did have a couple of video chats with coworkers, to touch base on how everyone was faring, what needed to get done...and creative ideas for maintaining this scenario for the foreseeable future. It was in my leisure time, however, that I began to feel a rising sense of...restlessness...and the desire to, I don't know...DO something tangible to prevent myself from wasting too much time, maybe? So I brainstormed...with myself...to figure out just one thing--even the smallest accomplishment--every day that I could document, as kind of a pandemic diary, or whatever. 

--So, first, I dug out a coloring book given to me by a former work buddy. And you know what? It was super-soothing to consider and select hues, and to fill in the lines. When I'd finished, I was startled by how long it had actually taken...but during that time, I felt both serene and entertained, so I'd call it a success.

--Next I realized there was a serious danger that I might miss out on my favorite flower this year: tulips. You see, I never miss the chance to make a pilgrimage to Duke Gardens and get my fill, but of course it's closed for who knows how long. So in an extremely uncharacteristic move, I went to a nearby nursery and purchased bulbs to plant in front of the house. Now we'll have to see whether they can overcome both my notoriously black thumb (I  mean, I have literally NO IDEA if I even stuck them in the ground correctly, people) and the voracious packs of deer to bloom for me. Let's face it, the odds are definitely NOT "ever in my favor" for this, but we'll try to stay positive for the wee buds, 'kay?

--Then it was time for a puzzle, because...hey, why not? We have a couple lying around, so I picked one of the smaller ones as a warmup, and got into it. After several hours of alternating euphoric trash-talking ("Aha! I found you! I win, you stupid piece!) and whining despair ("Whhhhhy do all the $#@%& lion parts look exactly the same? Aaarrrghhh!") I remembered that....I'm not actually as skilled at assembling puzzles as I always somehow think I should be. Huh...valuable lesson (again). And yet, my innate, irrepressible stubbornness refuses to allow me to rage-quit, so I did persevere and finish the dang thing...which yeah, turned out to be rewarding, so there's that. Might not do another one for a while, though...

--Last but not least, since Spring has deigned to grace us with her presence, if all else fails I try to escape the house and get into nature for some much needed fresh air, movement, and appreciation of the Great Outdoors. Staying 6-feet away from all the humans, obviously...but not the trees! The warmer weather and burgeoning greenery absolutely help with my mood, and allow me to return home and treat my fellow self-isolating family members with renewed patience and good humor (Eh, mostly. This IS me we're talking about...let's just agree that we're all doing our best...) 

And there you have it: the weekly report from our little corner of Quarantine Land. I'll sign off by sending umbrella wishes out into the universe, for everyone to stay safe and well, so we can get through this and come out the other side. For now, peace out, peeps!

Week 1 of..."the new normal"?

For Team WestEnders--as I think is true for many, if not the majority of us weathering this damn global pandemic of 2020--the past 7 days brought a series of seismic shifts in the landscape of our lives, ranging from the fairly catastrophic, to the mildly notable aftershock variety.

I for one began my week by showing up in person at my office, since the unspoken agreement at the time was to keep coming in until given explicit permission to transition to the "working remotely" model. (Although there had been LOTS of updates about what was happening with students--for faculty and staff? Crickets...).

By Monday afternoon, however, my supervisor and I sat down for a conversation about that very thing, since the Powers That Be had finally succumbed to the inevitable, jumped on the bandwagon, and decided we should follow the current "social distancing" recommendations and avoid other humans as much as possible for the time being. So we drafted a plan by which I'll log in during my normal hours and be available via cell phone/Skype/email/etc. for 3 of my usual blocks, and spend one day physically on-site to catch up with whoever needs to touch base face-to-face.

I don't have to tell you that this was a HUGE relief, not only from the standpoint of doing my part to help slow the spread of the %#$@ virus...but also because of the tacit understanding that I 100% intend to take full advantage of being freed from the burdens of makeup...and confining professional clothing...until further notice. (To clarify: this does NOT mean I'll be performing my duties naked! Pajamas and/or workout gear will be the apparel of choice. It probably goes without saying...but I just wanted to short-circuit anyone's brain from going down that path!) Sure enough, the first day of the new regime I participated in a Zoom meeting in which most of us appeared a lot more...let's say casually put-together....than usual--but it was utterly delightful to see everyone's smiling faces, hear their voices...and enjoy whatever form of modified interaction is deemed safe and appropriate for the moment.

This is not to imply that there weren't tiny hiccups in the process, of course. Such as the fact that my "workspace" (as shown) lies in the spare bedroom, which is connected to our bonus room over the garage...aka the"Team WestEnders Gym"...where one individual ("Riley") incorporates the punching bag into his daily fitness activities. What, doesn't everyone have to be very careful to remain muted, due to the sounds of a simulated boxing match happening in the background? Fortunately my colleagues--some of whom were busy feeding/distracting/shushing/shooing away small children of their own during our chat--didn't even raise an eyebrow or comment...even when the sweaty teenager sheepishly snuck behind me to get to the shower after finishing his set. I mean, we're all doing our best to adapt during these wacky times, right folks?

As for the other denizens of our household, the boys' schedules have obviously undergone a cataclysmic transformation this month as the COVID story has unfolded. Riley is now halfway through his early-and-also-extended Spring Break, so he hasn't had to meet any school demands yet...although  he tells me his APUSH teacher has been communicating with the class through some kind of video format every day, presumably to try to keep up with the content they're supposed to be covering during a normal academic period. And since he recently started his own job at a supermarket...and now finds himself with unexpected, extensive free time...he offered to pick up extra shifts to accommodate the general populace, who continue to freak the heck out over stockpiling enough groceries for the apocalypse. This made his employer super-happy--so they get willing labor, and Riley brings in more moolah...it's a weird win/win, but we can roll with it.


Meanwhile, Derek's status with UofSC went through several progressive steps as they tried to figure out the endgame...but finally seems to have solidified. You see, at first they announced they would be conducting classes online on a very temporary basis while they waited for all this to hopefully blow over soon. (Um...yeah, about that...) At that point, Derek was pushing to travel back to Columbia, arguing that he could go about his business by logging into his courses from his apartment or the student library facilities.

But then, the university moved to closing the campus for several weeks, which was absolutely the right thing to do, but also (on a selfish note) reinforced my claim that it would be better for him to stay here rather than try and  navigate the crisis on his own 300 miles away. Given the new information, he grudgingly agreed that--without the rec center or places to study, and with limited dining options--there was "no reason for me to be there". (Yessss!)

This of course meant that he still had to make at least a brief jaunt back down, to pick up the textbooks and materials he'd need to complete his distance-learning assignments. So he lobbied for a compromise: drive down, get his supplies, and spend a little bit of time with his (small group of ) other Carolina buddies, since he wouldn't be seeing them for a while after that. (I know, I know, this isn't strictly playing by the rules, but we reiterated all of the anti-viral, pro-mega-hygiene precautions and procedures...and it felt like a relatively minor concession to make the best of a sucky situation.)

Aaaand, wouldn't you know...seemingly right on the heels of THAT dust settling, they turned around and--following the lead of so many colleges around the country--shut it down for the remainder of the Spring semester. So his excursion expanded from "grab my school stuff and hang out with the guys for a while" into "and also vacate my off-campus apartment and return home 2 months ahead of schedule". (Siiighhhh....don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have him back...but also soooo disappointed for him--and all the other kids whose lives are being disrupted right now, in myriad ways...)

Even with the prevailing atmosphere of "stay home" and "everything's canceled", people are trying to maintain some semblance of routine. Such as the weekly running group I attend on a regular basis, who suspended the "exercising together" portion of the program, but encouraged everyone to go for their own solo jog and post photos on social media so we could give each other a virtual shoutout. Or when Derek and I mutually agreed it was high time to re-watch Frozen 2--since Disney had so graciously gone ahead and released it for streaming--so we could cheer ourselves up with some high-quality singing princess content to combat these dark and scary times.

And finally, I'm thrilled to report that one issue which had me extremely tense and upset for the past week or so has been resolved in a satisfactory fashion. I'm referring of course to the Great Toilet Paper Hoarding scandal. Lest you believe I'm exaggerating (perish the thought) I swear I was checking multiple types of stores every day, besides scouring the interwebs, and coming up with nada.

It got to the point that I would feel my stress levels rising as I simply walked into the front door of an establishment, before the bare shelves brought me to a screeching halt yet again, and I was forced to shuffle away in defeat. But at long last, once some of the furor had died down, I concocted what I prayed was a foolproof scheme: I'd roll out of bed one morning, throw on some sweats, and rush straight to Target. The desperate wish was that they would have restocked overnight, and that I'd beat the bathroom-tissue-starved crowds by showing up so early.

And whattya know...SUCCESS. I was able to lay hands on not only the aforementioned mega-important personal care item, but also paper towels and hand soap, which I'd previously struck out on as well. Plus, they have a Starbucks, so I was able to reward myself with a delicious iced beverage in celebration of my hard-earned victory...and all before 9 a.m. And if my...household goods triumph....isn't a fitting metaphor for the bizarre state of our planet at the moment, well, I don't know what is. On that note, be safe and well, mis amigos. Let's keep watching out for each other...and facing this whole ball of nonsense one conference call/online meetup/cup of coffee/day at a time...

The Corona-siege continues...

Folks, while I so very much wish I had anything else to write about, unfortunately--and I cannot stress this enough--there's only one game in town right now. And since this is meant to be a snapshot of  (cue upbeat, catchy tune) "What's Happening with Team WestEnders!" I feel obligated to attempt to capture current events--and mood--for posterity...or whatever. So, now that everyone's new nemesis, Covid, has officially shoved its unwelcome, obnoxious presence into our lives, here's an update on how that's going: (Spoiler alert for those who might be nervous: overall we're hanging in there, despite some minor inconveniences and mild disgruntlement...so now we can all relax--and I can beg your patience--while I vent a little...)

Last Friday, before the you-know-what really hit the fan around here, Derek and I went ahead with our planned activities, which included a brief stop at Kohl's to replace his one-and-only polo shirt, a much more involved expedition to Target for household edibles and supplies, and as a reward for our labors, a pleasant interlude of cinema escapism...just for the fun of it. The clothes shopping went fabulously smoothly--perhaps aided in part by the fact that there were far fewer customers than one might expect on an average day, for obvious reasons. Next up was our delightful Date with Disney, in which we were very much enchanted by the magic of Onward (again, in the non-proximal company of only a few other patrons).

But the T-store, y'all...that one damn near killed me. First there were the swarms of stressed-out humans, all vying for the limited supplies available. That leads us to--and full disclosure right here, this is something that is making my blood pressure rise on a daily basis at this point--the echoes of profoundly empty shelves. Seriously, good luck finding items like beans, soup, peanut butter, oatmeal...I could go on and on, but you catch my drift. Okay, FINE, we don't actually NEED these things immediately or desperately...although they'd be nice to have in the pantry during this type of, you know, "national emergency" and whatnot.

But WHAT. THE. HELL. with the toilet paper? I mean, we're not out yet, thank the Saint of Paper Products, whoever that may be...but eventually we're going to have to restock, and you can't find the stuff either in person or even online. I'm finding this makes me both furious and anxious, which is a lovely combination, so...yeah, that's pretty much the biggest problem for us right now. And I know--I'm not at all discounting or minimalizing the very real blessing that we're all healthy, and together, at the moment. This situation is just pushing my buttons, probably because I'm a bit (!) of a control freak by nature, and it pains me that I can't "fix" this issue. (But let's not go down THAT particular rabbit hole today, whattya say?)

Whew! On a happier note, once we received the notice that the local library had decided to shut down for the foreseeable future, I managed to slip in and pick up a book I'd had on hold that had just become available--and also curate a stack of...pandemic reading...while I was there. On the way home, I stopped by CVS to purchase over-the-counter remedies that were mentioned as handy to have around, in a common-sense article written by a nurse, that I'd come across on social media. To my great astonishment, I was actually able to obtain these...in appropriate, non-panic quantities for my immediate family, should any of us come down with the virus. However...hand soap...cleaning wipes? Big fat NOPE. How about that "keeping things sanitary" edict, right? Siiiighhhhh....

Meanwhile, in the interest of #SocialDistancing and #FlattenTheCurve (just two of the newly coined terms with which we've all become all too familiar....and also are already beginning to hate, to be honest) bootcamp group is canceled for a while. On the other hand, to #NotLoseOurEverlovingMinds, #GetSomeExercise, and #EnjoyTheFreshAir, a couple of us met up for a walk...on a wide trail, maintaining space between us, not touching, etc. We followed this up with coffee (of course)--which we imbibed outside, after scrubbing and sanitizing our hands.  Oy...brave new world is pretty much...a pain in the patootie, isn't it, friends? (Although necessary, blah, blah blah, I get it, and I'm following the program as much as possible...)

Later that evening, the Male Trio and I had to scramble to formulate a Plan B for our originally scheduled programming. You see, when Derek initially found out he'd be home an extra week (ah, the simpler, more innocent Good Old Days) his very first thought was, "Last year I was away at school, and NO ONE filled out a[n NCAA Tourney] bracket. Well, there are no excuses this year, so everyone's doing it!" We figured that since he'd be here for Selection Sunday, we'd get takeout for dinner, watch the broadcast live on ESPN, and make our choices for the field of 64. Ahem...and then collegiate athletics were basically disbanded until the Fall, soooo.....it quickly morphed into "order food and watch a movie instead". Eh, it's still a family bonding opportunity, even without the sports, so I'm gonna call that at least a (purposefully lower-case) win, in these troubled times. We'll take what we can get!

And that carries us up through the weekend, which seems like as good a stopping point as any, so I'm gonna blow the whistle, call time out, stop the clock, and pick back up later. Now let's all get out there and...practice your best separated-by-6-feet sportsmanship! Avoid committing any personal fouls! Let's work together to crush the 2020 National Championship of Hand Washing, and thereby defeat our collective opponent, International Coronavirus! (See, we CAN live without grown men running around in uniforms chasing each other...even if it's making us just a wee bit wackier than usual...or that might just be MEEEEE...catch up with you guys soon!)

2020: you just can't make this stuff up...

Okay…raise your hand if it’s been a WEEK, y’all. I mean…I can’t even…with this damn virus and…all the other, assorted whatnot. So in an effort to preserve (what’s left of) my sanity, I thought I’d cobble together an mid-March update, only SOME of which has to do with the Rampaging Germs of Doom.

Let’s begin with exercise, shall we? Following what has become my own little tradition, last weekend I ran my first 5K of 2020 after the self-imposed “off-season” of January/February. This is always a bit of a gamble, given March’s typically fickle weather ways…and this year was no exception. Lemme tell ya, it was one chilly, WINDY endeavor—which didn’t make for particularly pleasant workout conditions…but perhaps not coincidentally did result in me logging unprecedented 9-minute miles (to get it the heck over with? Yeah, probably…) And then, just to demonstrate what a difference a couple of days makes in this topsy-turvy month, the Wednesday pub runners’ group got out and enjoyed the hard-earned extra daylight on a pristine 70* evening. Go figure.

Next, in Riley news, after sooooo much searching, interviewing, near-missing, and frustration, he finally was able to secure a job that actually STUCK this time—without being ghosted by employers, or being offered positions that, after further reflection, he decided didn’t really seem like a good fit for him. I feel like it’s safe to talk about now, since he’s gone through the training, completed several shifts…and received a paycheck! Holy guacamole—driving…working…What. Is. Happening to my BABY? (Deep breaths…it’s fine, it’s all fine…)

Then there’s Derek, who came home for his Spring Break as planned…with none of us honestly thinking ahead as to how the global…maelstrom of chaos…might affect his semester. For example, he brought only the books he needed, based on his homework and study load during the hiatus. But slowly the institutions of higher learning began reacting to the developing situation, and it was only a matter of time before UofSC followed suit, by extending student “vacations” by a week…and setting up the expectation for online learning after that, at least until April 3^rd. On the one hand, Bonus Derek Time—yay!

And yet…it’s unclear at this point how this whole…process…will be managed. For science majors like Derek, who have a significant portion of their schedule devoted to labs…what will replace them? And of course, he’ll need the rest of his materials that he left in his apartment. So, does he return to Columbia and brave the Covid-pocalypse on his own? Or remain in the care of his family, who can help him through the illness if and when it strikes? I mean, he’s never really been that sick before (knocking on wood, etc.), so I hate to think of him trying to navigate a serious malady without our support. Yes, he’s technically an adult, but this is a much more complicated health issue than your basic cold, and who knows whether he’d be able to get the supplies or assistance he needs…so many questions!

(Ay yi yi. This will definitely require some discussion amongst Team WestEnders as to how this is going to transpire for our collegian. Further details to follow, as they are determined…)

Meanwhile, at least some things are proceeding as normal, for the time being. At UNC, we haven’t been ordered to work remotely—yet. I attended part of a regularly scheduled Family Medicine conference last weekend, and once again, the population of doctors appears to be taking the situation in stride, eschewing panic for common sense hygiene practices and an extra dose of caution. Likewise, those in charge of the K-12 decisions in our school district remain mum on their contingency plans, in case they feel the need to suspend in-person teaching—or are required to by the state government.

However, in the Department of the Surreal, large meetings and festivals are being postponed or eliminated all over the country, which feels like a completely appropriate action in the current climate and didn’t even faze me. But for reasons I can’t actually explain, it seemed a lot more…dire?...to me when the sports leagues followed suit. First the NCAA, in the midst of conference basketball tournaments, decreed that games would be held without fans—again, reasonable, albeit…somber. But then the dominoes kept falling: some conferences went ahead and canceled all of their Spring sports; a couple of them suspended those hoops tournaments (and more are sure to follow, I think); and finally, the NBA quit, when players started testing positive for the super-bug (and the other professional leagues will be right behind them, if they have any idea of what’s good for them…and, well, everyone…)

(Update: yeah, yeah, you know by now that all contests of any kind are shelved for the foreseeable future. I swear I started this…paddle down my stream of consciousness…just TWO DAYS AGO, and it becomes more obsolete by the hour…I’m trying to wrangle my wayward thoughts and keep up, but I’m afraid it’s a losing battle, friends…siiiighhhhh…)

Anyway, here’s yet another illustration of how rapidly-changing, unpredictable, and downright…cuckoo bananapants…this whole scenario is: while I was composing the first part of this rambling missive, the proclamation came in from Riley’s school district that they’re going to be moving Spring Break up to this coming Monday (from its regularly slotted time in April), stretching it to March 27th, and following it up with a week of what they’re adorably calling “Learning at Home”.

Hoo boy, that has the potential to be a fascinating experiment—whether wildly successful or epically crashing and burning--amiright? My High Schooler should, theoretically, be able to make that happen (as long as our home WiFi, as well as the relevant websites and cloud docs he’d need to access, remain operational, it goes without saying)…but my goodness, I can’t even wrap my head around how you’d apply this to the littler kids? Eventually we might have to accept that the…Real World Education…they’re inadvertently receiving this academic year…might not resemble anything close to what was originally in the curriculum. Lessons on epidemiology, statistics, medical best practices, and social implications of a planetary crisis, anyone? Whew…buckle up, buttercups…

And, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, during the course of my writing…”career”…I’ve never before felt like a journalist, trying to keep abreast and provide at least a minimum degree of coverage for breaking news…until now. I obviously can’t even finish the dang thing without having to amend or add details, so here’s the latest footnote: the worldwide offices of Husband’s employer will now be closed for what seems to have become the de facto “accepted self-isolation period” (also known as “a fortnight” in The Queen’s English, his HQ’s “mother tongue”). Presumably folks will continue to apply themselves to their tasks in the comfort and safety of their own homes—which Husband already does anyway—but the implications for how to conduct business under these circumstances is one of those nebulous TBD factors that are piling up at an increasingly alarming rate.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me: I’m ecstatic that some measures are finally being taken, and that they seem to be rational, well-thought-out, and in everyone’s best interests. At last it seems like the message is being conveyed: hey, we get it, this stuff is serious…and, um…what’s the other one? Oh, right, dangerous!

It’s just that the logistics are still kind of, well…sketchy at best, and potentially a gigantic flaming pit of disaster at worst. But let’s keep our fingers crossed (separately, 6 feet away from each other), and hope for the former, yeah? On that note, I’m off to hydrate, eat a healthy snack…and wash my hands (before, during, and after). Signing off with a virtual…namaste to all of you. (Sharing peace, harmony, and solidarity in these troubled times, with NO perilous contact—WIN WIN!)